# Bakers Dozen

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173>\
**Category:** Thread Games\
**Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2087

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41725 "2016-03-01T14:54:39Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41726 "2016-03-01T16:57:02Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”
9. “I have a dream that one day men and women can receive Academy Awards without anyone considering their race.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41727 "2016-03-01T18:10:54Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”
9. “I have a dream that one day men and women can receive Academy Awards without anyone considering their race.”
10. “Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy slave and then just 70 years later Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy free maid- now THAT’S progress!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41728 "2016-03-01T21:16:24Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”
9. “I have a dream that one day men and women can receive Academy Awards without anyone considering their race.”
10. “Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy slave and then just 70 years later Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy free maid- now THAT’S progress!”
11. “And speaking of injustice, how come none of the Madagascar movies got nominated for Best Animated Feature?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41729 "2016-03-01T21:35:26Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”
9. “I have a dream that one day men and women can receive Academy Awards without anyone considering their race.”
10. “Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy slave and then just 70 years later Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy free maid- now THAT’S progress!”
11. “And speaking of injustice, how come none of the Madagascar movies got nominated for Best Animated Feature?”
12. “And why is David Spade working when Jimmy ‘JJ’ ‘Kid Dy-No-Mite’ Walker is lucky to get a title loan commercial? Commercial hell, he’s lucky to get a title loan!”

Actually he’d have had a point with that one.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41730 "2016-03-01T21:50:00Z")

</div>

Remarks cut from the next-to-final draft of Chris Rock’s opening Oscars monologue

1. “Donald Drumpf could get a Best Actor Oscar easier than I could.”
2. “And now here’s Margaret Cho with some jokes about the lack of Asian nominees.”
3. “Since black people weren’t nominated for an Oscar this year, we’re taking revenge on the transsexual community by having Tracy Morgan make fun of The Danish Girl. It’s alright that he’s a bigoted homophobic moron cause he got hit by a WalMart truck since then!”
4. “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.”
5. “Hello, my name is Sacheem Littlefeather.”
6. “The people at Total Beauty who couldn’t tell Oprah from Whoopi in their tweet just now, they must have thought The Color Purple was the most confusing damned movie ever!”
7. “The only thing whiter than my tuxedo are the Academy voters.”
8. “Come on, were they supposed to nominate the last Madea movie?”
9. “I have a dream that one day men and women can receive Academy Awards without anyone considering their race.”
10. “Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy slave and then just 70 years later Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for playing a pudgy sassy free maid- now THAT’S progress!”
11. “And speaking of injustice, how come none of the Madagascar movies got nominated for Best Animated Feature?”
12. “And why is David Spade working when Jimmy ‘JJ’ ‘Kid Dy-No-Mite’ Walker is lucky to get a title loan commercial? Commercial hell, he’s lucky to get a title loan!”
13. Could any nominee be any more whiter than Leonardo DiCaprio?

Next up: Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in _All of Me_. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41731 "2016-03-01T22:03:39Z")

</div>

Next up: Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in _All of Me_. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.
2. Eddie Murphy in _Coming To America_

He was nominated for Dreamgirls, and while he was good I can think of several actors who could have done that. ONLY Eddie Murphy could be as crazy funny and sympathetic as he was in _Coming to America_, or _Trading Places_ or the otherwise-dreadfully-unfunny and damned near unwatchable other than for him _Nutty Professor_.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41732 "2016-03-01T22:25:39Z")

</div>

Next up: Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in _All of Me_. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.
2. Eddie Murphy in _Coming To America_
3. Morgan Freeman in _The Shawshank Redemption_

Nominated but lost to Tom Hanks, _Forrest Gump_. Hanks was good but Freeman was excellent.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41733 "2016-03-01T22:29:26Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man

The performance that took the superhero movie genre into its present golden age.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 1, 2016, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41734 "2016-03-01T23:34:38Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo

Seriously. If somebody had brought the same quality performance to a movie bio of a real person the embodiment he brought to Shaggy they’d have at least been nominated.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41735 "2016-03-02T04:18:24Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me. I wondered how they got Lily Tomlin into Steve Martin’s body.
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in _ **Glengarry Glen Ross** _

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41736 "2016-03-02T05:02:50Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41737 "2016-03-02T05:05:44Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41738 "2016-03-02T07:15:01Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in _Dead Man Walking_

I don’t like him much as a person but he’s an extraordinary actor

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41739 "2016-03-02T14:22:27Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking
10. Robin Williams in Awakenings

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41740 "2016-03-02T15:07:23Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking
10. Robin Williams in Awakenings
11. Andy Serkis in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41741 "2016-03-02T15:30:12Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking
10. Robin Williams in Awakenings
11. Andy Serkis in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
12. Gary Oldman in _Tinker Tailor Solder Spy_

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41742 "2016-03-02T15:45:45Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking
10. Robin Williams in Awakenings
11. Andy Serkis in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
12. Gary Oldman in _Tinker Tailor Solder Spy_
13. Robert Downey, Jr. in Chaplin

He was nominated but didn’t win.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41743 "2016-03-02T15:51:11Z")

</div>

Performances that should have won an Oscar, but didn’t

1. Steve Martin in All of Me
2. Eddie Murphy in Coming To America
3. Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption
4. Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man
5. Matthew Lillard in Scooby Doo
6. Alec Baldwin, Best Supporting Actor in Glengarry Glen Ross
7. Bradley Cooper, Limitless
8. Toby Jones, Infamous
9. Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking
10. Robin Williams in Awakenings
11. Andy Serkis in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
12. Gary Oldman in Tinker Tailor Solder Spy
13. Robert Downey, Jr. in Chaplin
14. Ian McKellen in The Fellowship of the Ring

Next:

Alternative histories and their premises

1. Fatherland by Robert Harris (Cold War is between U.S. and Nazi Germany by 1964)

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 2, 2016, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/41744 "2016-03-02T16:04:06Z")

</div>

Alternative histories and their premises

1. Fatherland by Robert Harris (Cold War is between U.S. and Nazi Germany by 1964)
2. Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick (America is partitioned by Nazi Germany and the Japanese Empire and resistance is forming based on an alternate history in which America won)

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