# Bakers Dozen **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2490
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49786 "2017-02-18T01:25:07Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49787 "2017-02-18T02:14:57Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49788 "2017-02-18T02:36:30Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49789 "2017-02-18T04:08:05Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club 9. Henry Youngman: Violin ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49790 "2017-02-18T04:18:46Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club 9. Henry Youngman: Violin 10. Orson Bean – Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49791 "2017-02-18T05:08:28Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club 9. Henry Youngman: Violin 10. Orson Bean – Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree 11. Tommy Cooper: Fez ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49792 "2017-02-18T05:38:33Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club 9. Henry Youngman: Violin 10. Orson Bean – Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree 11. Tommy Cooper: Fez 12. Dean Martin - martini and cigarette ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49793 "2017-02-18T12:28:40Z")
Props Associated With Standup Comedians 1. Judy Tenuta: Accordion 2. Jack Benny: Violin 3. Gallagher: Giant mallet 4. Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head 5. Rip Taylor: Confetti 6. Will Rogers: Lariat 7. Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache 8. Bob Hope: Golf club 9. Henry Youngman: Violin 10. Orson Bean – Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree 11. Tommy Cooper: Fez 12. Dean Martin - martini and cigarette 13. Kevin Meaney - microphone New! One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49794 "2017-02-18T13:06:35Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49795 "2017-02-18T13:47:13Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49796 "2017-02-18T20:59:33Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln When accused by a political foe of being “two-faced.” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49797 "2017-02-18T21:28:12Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e47774/32.png) [@quiltguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49798 "2017-02-18T22:36:34Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx Said in response to a contestant on his game show who was the father of 10. Probably his all-time best one-liner. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49799 "2017-02-19T02:15:33Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49800 "2017-02-19T04:30:29Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49801 "2017-02-19T04:53:23Z")
> [@quiltguy](#): > > One-liners or zingers > > …6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx > > Said in response to a contestant on his game show who was the father of 10. Probably his all-time best one-liner. The Perfect Master sez probably not: [Did Groucho Marx utter a famous double entendre ad lib on the air? - The Straight Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/380/did-groucho-marx-utter-a-famous-double-entendre-ad-lib-on-the-air) > [@Sampiro](#): > > One-liners or zingers > > …8) Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx Maybe, maybe not: [Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man’s Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It’s Too Dark to Read – Quote Investigator®](http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/09/08/dog/) One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx 9. He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49802 "2017-02-19T04:58:35Z")
Maybe, maybe not: [Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man’s Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It’s Too Dark to Read – Quote Investigator®](http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/09/08/dog/) One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx 9. He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain 10. “Shut up”, he explained. – Ring Lardner ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49803 "2017-02-19T13:48:14Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx 9. He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain 10. “Shut up”, he explained. – Ring Lardner 11. Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49804 "2017-02-19T14:52:28Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx 9. He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain 10. “Shut up”, he explained. – Ring Lardner 11. Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett 12. Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e47774/32.png) [@quiltguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/49805 "2017-02-19T16:50:12Z")
One-liners or zingers 1. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker 2. I’ve had a lovely evening. It wasn’t tonight, but I’ve had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx 3. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves – Labor leader Lane Kirkland 4. If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln 5. Listen, Shorty- and I don’t mean your height… -Pudgie 6. I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx 7. Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker 8. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx 9. He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain 10. “Shut up”, he explained. – Ring Lardner 11. Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett 12. Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen 13. As nervous as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis. - Tom Lehrer A beautiful, warmish sunny day, in the middle of Winter, deserves a ride in the country, and to top it off, a great meal. Gimme’ a meal for such a splendid day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=2489) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=2491)