# Bakers Dozen

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173>\
**Category:** Thread Games\
**Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2822

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56427 "2017-12-30T15:26:05Z")

</div>

Overheard around the Special Counsel’s office recently

1. “Jeez, where do we even start?”
2. “What did they know, when did they know it, and why would anyone think they didn’t?”
3. “He tweeted WHAT?”
4. “Let’s see that New York Times interview again.”
5. “I can’t be sure, but I think I might actually have just seen Mr. Mueller smile.”
6. “Does Trump have a hotel in a country where we don’t have an extradition treaty?”
7. “How many esses in narcissist?”
8. “Can we be sure the President didn’t actually shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue?”
9. “Christ, guys, isn’t there ANYTHING impeachable here?”
10. “If we’re still doing this a year from now, I think I’ll go join a monastery somewhere.”
11. “I hear Putin’s just a shill for Kim Jong-un.”
12. “I already told you- NO, being a dick is not an impeachable offense!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56428 "2017-12-30T17:36:37Z")

</div>

Overheard around the Special Counsel’s office recently

1. “Jeez, where do we even start?”
2. “What did they know, when did they know it, and why would anyone think they didn’t?”
3. “He tweeted WHAT?”
4. “Let’s see that New York Times interview again.”
5. “I can’t be sure, but I think I might actually have just seen Mr. Mueller smile.”
6. “Does Trump have a hotel in a country where we don’t have an extradition treaty?”
7. “How many esses in narcissist?”
8. “Can we be sure the President didn’t actually shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue?”
9. “Christ, guys, isn’t there ANYTHING impeachable here?”
10. “If we’re still doing this a year from now, I think I’ll go join a monastery somewhere.”
11. “I hear Putin’s just a shill for Kim Jong-un.”
12. “I already told you- NO, being a dick is not an impeachable offense!”
13. “Too bad it’s not Hillary. This would take about 5 minutes and we’d all be home by now”

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56429 "2017-12-30T17:39:15Z")

</div>

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56430 "2017-12-30T17:51:26Z")

</div>

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is \*on \*the bed.)

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56431 "2017-12-30T17:54:16Z")

</div>

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. Patio furniture crashing into balcony railing when the wind picks up

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56432 "2017-12-30T17:54:20Z")

</div>

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is \*on \*the bed.)
4. Patio furniture crashing into balcony railing when the wind picks up
5. A child’s needing parental assistance

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56433 "2017-12-30T17:54:56Z")

</div>

Next up: Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56434 "2017-12-30T19:08:28Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56435 "2017-12-30T19:12:50Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56436 "2017-12-30T20:10:46Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain :mad:

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56437 "2017-12-30T21:02:11Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain
9. Branches scratching the window in a high wind

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56438 "2017-12-30T21:11:06Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain
9. Branches scratching the window in a high wind
10. Acid reflux. The worst way to wake up in the history of waking up.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56439 "2017-12-30T21:33:17Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain
9. Branches scratching the window in a high wind
10. Acid reflux. The worst way to wake up in the history of waking up.
11. Hovering blimps

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\
**Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56440 "2017-12-30T23:36:14Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain
9. Branches scratching the window in a high wind
10. Acid reflux. The worst way to wake up in the history of waking up.
11. Hovering blimps
12. Snowplows with reverse-beepers clearing the street in front of your house

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56441 "2017-12-31T00:57:30Z")

</div>

Things that wake you up in the middle of the night

1. Unexpected noises (things that go “bump”)
2. A thunderstorm
3. The all-too-familiar “rup-rup-rup” sound of a cat preparing to initiate Barf Sequence. (Especially true if said cat is on the bed.)
4. A child’s needing parental assistance
5. Having to go pee.
6. A phone call from a telemarketer or stranger
7. Some asshole’s car alarm
8. Back pain
9. Branches scratching the window in a high wind
10. Acid reflux. The worst way to wake up in the history of waking up.
11. Hovering blimps
12. Snowplows with reverse-beepers clearing the street in front of your house
13. Neighbors’ loud summer outdoor parties that can go until 3 am

Next:

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56442 "2017-12-31T02:11:49Z")

</div>

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day
2. I will restrict drinking only to days that end with “y”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56443 "2017-12-31T04:56:35Z")

</div>

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day
2. I will restrict drinking only to days that end with “y”
3. I will not engage in photosynthesis

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56444 "2017-12-31T06:07:23Z")

</div>

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day
2. I will restrict drinking only to days that end with “y”
3. I will not engage in photosynthesis
4. I will turn on one or more lights when it gets dark.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56445 "2017-12-31T07:05:22Z")

</div>

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day
2. I will restrict drinking only to days that end with “y”
3. I will not engage in photosynthesis
4. I will turn on one or more lights when it gets dark.
5. I will drink at least 12 oz of water every day

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2017, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/56446 "2017-12-31T15:21:11Z")

</div>

New Year’s resolutions that are a cinch to keep

1. I will snuggle with my lovey-dovey pitbull at least once a day
2. I will restrict drinking only to days that end with “y”
3. I will not engage in photosynthesis
4. I will turn on one or more lights when it gets dark.
5. I will drink at least 12 oz of water every day
6. I will not try to lose weight by eating less and exercising more

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=2821)

[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=2823)