# Bald-Faced Lies **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073 "2000-10-31T13:40:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Chronolicht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Chronolicht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronolicht)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/61 "2001-02-04T01:55:05Z")
Mr. Ed was gay (Dooo meee, Whilburr!) Credit cards contain pheromones said to diminish inhibitions. The square root of Carl Sagan is the inverse of the national offices of GoodHousekeeping. The primate is innate, sorry, no rebate. It is actually safer to drive when talking on the phone because people are more aware of how dangerous driving is when talking on the phone. Tautolous symettry equals symettrical tautology. (sp) Everything’s gonna be OK. There is no plate tectonics. Just your mother. You are never farther than a meter from an arachnid of some sort. We are all hybrids. Animals are descended from plants who got bored of the view. Unfettered free market capitalism will eventually solve all the world’s problems. It takes one year to get around the sun. There is no truth. Some lies are just more plausible than others. ---
**Author:** ![Holy\_Avenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@Holy\_Avenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Holy_Avenger)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2001, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/62 "2001-02-04T11:46:10Z")
The German version of the 1996 computer game “ZPC” depicted its paranoid view of futuristic dystopia by using the artwork of Rob Leifeld rather than Aidan Hughes. The POG was legally declared an invention of the devil by lawmakers in Hilton, New York on October 17th, 1987. Former NFL linebacker Rickey Jackson raises Australian dingos for charity outside his Kenner, Louisiana home. The broadcast news website “The Naked News” originally featured nothing but fat guys. Anagramatic analysis of the collected works of George Bernard Shaw reveal him to be the silent patron of Jack the Ripper. Each member of the rock band “Fuel” refuses to bathe while on tour until every last member has received at least one hand job from a groupie. The original weakness of the Green Lantern’s ring was to be gypsy blood, but changed to the color yellow due to the demands of the Comics Code Authority. National Basketball Association Commissioner David Stern was mathematically more likely to be stuck by lightning on the way to work than he was to have found the Orlando Magic winners of the NBA draft lottery for both 1992 and 1993. [KiTH] In England, everyone has just one spoon. [/KiTH] ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2001, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/63 "2001-02-04T22:07:19Z")
A potato a day keeps the proctologist away. The people of Eketahuna, New Zealand are congenitally born with rudimentary antennae, which they can use to listen to short-wave broadcasts from Argentina. A spoonful of pepper helps the spinach go down. A day without okra is like a gerbil without a stapler. The conger eel can detect the smell of a single tomato from over 2300 yards. The word “mulch” exists in 37 different languages, with a different meaning in each language. ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/64 "2001-02-05T02:32:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ianzin \* > \*\* > > By Federal Law, every bank has to have a Bible on the premises > **One of the above is actually _true_.** \*\* This one? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/65 "2001-02-05T10:37:58Z")
Shakespeare invented the comma. Wombats have no necks. Dolly Madison invented the Twinkie. Two species of bedbugs subsist primarily on toenail clippings. There are three common English words ending in “dqf”. The present Pope actually perished in 1997, but was stuffed and fitted with a small speaker and rudimentary mechanisms which allow him to sit, stand or kneel (with some difficulty) and otherwise perform his basic duties. These are controlled remotely by Cardinal Ratzinger. Tofu is made with the lymphatic systems of baby seals. Clocks in the southern hemisphere run the other way around. Due to their high level of methane emissions, if you light a cow’s fart it will explode. Lightbulbs were originally cube-shaped. Penguins have eighteen distinct calls meaning “snow”. ---
**Author:** ![Devorzhum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Devorzhum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Devorzhum)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/66 "2001-02-05T13:20:21Z")
Soylent Green is made of…chipped beef and Saltines The Americas were not founded on genocidal slaughter. 70% of all humans have an ancestor who was a witchdoctor. Toothpaste is made from horse intestines Skippy peanut butter is pre-digested in laboratories by long-haired hamsters. Mayor Giuliani is secretly married to Ciciolina. The mytholigical beast described in fairy tales as the ogre is in reality, a species of African antelope known as the oryx. Sardines are really foetuses. You really can play with Happy Fun Ball. ---
**Author:** ![Shak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Shak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shak)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/67 "2001-02-05T16:18:12Z")
Advice for tourists If you’re hitting Ireland for St Patrick’s Day, don’t forget to read our handy guide to the main events, customs and traditions to make your stay extra special. ON YOUR TRIP OVER… The St Patrick’s Day fun usually starts on the flight over to the Emerald Isle. When people are stashing their hand luggage in the overhead lockers, secretly place a few rubber snakes in among their baggage. Then on arrival in Shannon or Dublin, when they take down their bags you should jump into action. Shout “It’s a snake! It’s a snake!” in a loud voice and watch the traditional “Snakedance” that ensues. Before setting out on your trip, though, be sure to rent a copy of The Quiet Man and Finian’s Rainbow. When you arrive in Ireland you will already know all the cultural taboos. The natives will recognise and appreciate your attempts to fit in. BREAKFAST FARE AND OTHER TRADITIONAL FOOD & DRINK On arrival in Dublin, your bed & breakfast or hotel will serve you a special traditional St Patrick’s Day breakfast - but only if you ask for it. The most popular dishes to order are called “haggis”, “semtex” and “an armalite”. Remember, DO drink the green beer and DON’T eat the yellow snow. After breakfast, it is time to impress the natives with your costume. To keep in the Mardi Gras spirit, try to track down any piece of orange-coloured fabric and fashion it into a beauty queen’s sash. To complete your look, also wear a bowler hat. MUSIC Don’t forget to bring bagpipes on your trip, and play them with gusto at dawn in the corridors of your B&B. The effect you’re going for is “cat-wailing”. The sound represents the banished snakes and helps ensure that they will never return. There are literally thousands of Irish traditional music albums. This can make it very hard to decide what CDs to buy during your St Patrick’s Day stay in Ireland. To make it easier, simply ask the wee shop assistant for a copy of Stephen Gately or Steps. Famous Irish pop group U2 own a Dublin hotel called The Clarence (named after a one-eyed Lion in a 1960s TV series called “Daktari”). But it is a little-known fact that before being called U2 the band were also known as Q2. This is celebrated on St Patrick’s Day by a toast in the bar of the Clarence, when patrons shout at the tops of their voices: “For Q2! For Q2!” SEASONAL GREETINGS Now it’s time to hit the street, but remember that until midday in Ireland nobody actually says hello - the only greeting permissable is “top o’ the morning to ya”. The louder this is said the better, and preferably with a thick highly plausible Irish accent such as Tom Cruise’s in “Far And Away”. Don’t be offended should you hear anybody call you a “Bloody Yank”, it’s a friendly term (just call them “Damn Brits” in return - they love that). The thing the Irish love the most about tourists from the States is their farewell of “Have a nice day”, so make sure to say this to everybody you encounter at least twice. For added joy, add “ya’ll” to either the beginning or end of every sentence. On the streets of the city, speak loudly of your Irish heritage. The natives will recognise and appreciate that you are on a sort of Homecoming. As a gesture to the citizens of Ireland, continuously praise the following great heroes who were instrumental in forging the Irish identity: Cromwell, William of Orange, Queen Mary, etc. Also say what a great man ye think that Ian Paisley is. He’s a popular politician in these parts. On St Patrick’s Day it is also customary to use several key phrases from the Irish language to address local people. The traditional greetings to girls are “yaslappa”, and to boys is “yanakka”. And a popular Irish greeting to people stuck at pedestrian traffic lights, particularly blind people, is “Trasna!” THE PARADE The St Patrick’s Day street parades are so popular in most towns and villages across the land that is is often difficult to see the floats and the cheerleaders from North America. However, the crowds will usually part to let tourists through to the front if you use the old Gaelic sayings “yaf-echk-ya” or “getchak-itov”. The Irish police force is known colloquially as “the garda shicaloni”, or “the guards” for short. A favourite street game among St Patrick’s Day revellers is to collect as many hats from the guards as possible. The guards take this once-a-year tradition in a good natured way, and in the spirit of the game they often pretend to try to hold onto their hats (also known as “keeapps”). Locals say that the most successful tactic is to sneak up behind the guards in order to claim their trophies… Women police officers in Ireland are known as “Ban guards”. On St Patrick’s Day it is said that you will have seven years of good luck by asking a Ban guard for a kiss and a dance. Face-painting is a longstanding St Patrick’s Day tradition. If you want to get in the spirit of the party but cannot get hold of any green facepaint, one make-do substitute is to plaster your face with whitener, then paint a large “X” sign on your face with red lipstick. Not many people know this, but throughout the month of March the River Liffey is only one foot deep within a radius of twenty yards of the bridge at Heuston Station. To celebrate the low tide during the St Patrick’s Day parade, this is the traditional venue for the River Dance. The girl dancers wear black T-shirts, black tights and black mini-skirts, and in honour of the Spanish Armada they do a flamenco dance. The boy dancers wear Aran sweaters (also called “geansais” or jumpers) and take to a jumping role, attempting to hit the underside of the Heuston bridge. In order to increase their chances, some of the boys adopt haircuts where their hair stands on end by several feet. PADDY’S DAY SPORTS AND GAMES A traditional St Patrick’s Day sport is the Macnas Dragon Hunt. Carefully concealed within the street parade is a camouflaged dragon called the Macnas. The winner is the first person to spot the dragon (simply shout out “The Macnas! The Macnas!” in a loud voice), and fell the dragon with a bottle or brick. If you are American, this year’s first prize is two free flights to New York! The Liffey Swim is also a favourite pastime on St Patrick’s Day, with a $2,000 prize this year for the first non-Irish person after midday to swim across the River Liffey fully clothed. Sack races, also known as “the sack”, are another ancient sport in Ireland, and are celebrated at length on St Patrick’s Day. To boost your credibility, it is acceptable to boast that you have played in a team with a prominent Irish personality, e.g. “Bishop Casey got me into the sack once” or “I jumped into the sack with CJ”. Reflecting Ireland’s rich disapora and the role of men in Irish society, the country’s most popular soccer team is called Man United. During your stay in Ireland you should soak up the atmosphere of a typical weekend fixture around Paddy’s Day by buying a Man United shirt and going to your nearest pub to share your opinions with fellow fans. O’Connell Street in Limerick (and a street by the same name in Dublin) is the venue for the annual St Patrick’s Day Bag Race. The race is usually started by the Danish Ambassador to Ireland because this tradition has its roots in Viking folklore. Contestants start at one end of the street and have to grab as many bags as possible from passers-by on their journey up the street. All the bags are of course returned at the end of the race. If you are interested in marine life, pop over to Dublin’s new attraction called “Dolphin Barn” on the southside of the city. Seaworld how are ya!!! THE PUB After the parade and the games, it’s time to hit the pub. If you go into a small country pub and suddenly it all goes quiet, don’t panic. This is simply a sign of respect by the locals, who want you to talk about where you have come from. If it’s a really old pub (i.e. pre-1980) some of the regulars might be hard of hearing, so make sure you recount your tales in a loud voice. NB: As in the States, it is customary to tip all bar staff. The current going rate is £4 per drink. The Viking invasion of Ireland and the great stag-hunts of the Norman period are celebrated in a joint “stag festival”, which is held at several centres across the land on St Patrick’s Day. Check it out in Dublin’s cultural quarter of Temple Bar. A heritage trail marks Ireland’s longstanding Scandinavian links, and a high point of the festivities is when volunteers are tied to posts and their clothes are taken away from them and replaced by slave garb of the Viking era. The venue for the event is usually kept secret until the last minute, but you can find out the heart of the action by simply asking the doorman at the nearest hostelry: “Where’s the stag party?” The Yard Of Ale contest takes place throughout the district of Dublin known as The Liberties. First the tourist challenges a local inhabitant by buying a number of pint glasses of stout or lager, so that the glasses when lined up in a row against each other stretch along the bar for exactly one yard. A member of the bar staff is appointed as the official timekeeper, and the native and his/her seconds must drink the yard of ale in the fastest time possible. Then at the end of it, if the local person is still standing it is the tourist’s turn to attempt to beat this time. But the best Paddy’s Day crack (enjoyment) is always to be found in the pubs of Ballybough/Ballyfermot/Ballymun (in fact, in any place which begins with “Bally-”). All you have to do is walk in and use the traditional Irish greeting “Yacun cha!” or (for that really friendly local greeting): “Wotterya lukkinat yafek incun cha!” and you will be welcomed as a long-lost son of Erin. LITERATURE AND CULTURE If you are stuck in any pub in Ireland while waiting for friends to arrive from the hotel or B&B, you can always ask the barman to lend you some reading matter to peruse while killing the time. Simply ask to borrow “Jack’s paper”. Ireland’s leading playwright is Samuel Beckett, but a lot of his works were hit-or-miss. You can impress many fellow theatre-goers in one fell swoop by saying (in an expert voice): “Yes, but his last tape was Krapp!” Ireland’s most famous author during St Patrick’s times was called Kelly. Even though he only wrote one book, if you are passing Trinity College it’s a good chance to see his oeuvre. Simply ask anyone on the campus “Where’s Kelly’s book?” Ireland’s most famous postcard is a turf-cutting scene by the great postmodernist artist John Hinde. You can now get your photograph taken with the donkey actually used in the scene: simply ask your taxi driver to take you to the popular seaside resort known as “Ballymun Flats”. If another couple of tourists ask you to take a photograph of them, always be glad to do so. Then when you are handing them back their camera, be sure to drop it on the ground so they won’t be bothering anyone else! And always be on the lookout for people taking pictures of one another in front of historic buildings. Simply walk behind them, jump up and down, pull stupid faces and give them something to remember and cherish when they return home! OTHER PATRON SAINTS While St Patrick’s Day celebrates Ireland’s most famous saint, it is also the day when Dublin taxi drivers mark the anniversary of their own patron saint. They will give you a very concise potted history to you - simply ask them “What about Chris Barry then?” St Patrick was closely associated with St Theresa. If you want a horticultural treat in Dublin, ask your taxi driver to give you a flying tour of Thresa’s Gardens. Or pop over to the 17th-century stately home where the third secret of Fatima is stored - it’s called the Fatima Mansions ST PATRICK’S DAY ON TV Ireland’s most loved broadcaster is Gay. The other most popular broadcasters, particularly around St Patrick’s Day, are called Bibi, Clare and Liam O Murchu. Irish television stations like to use the St Patrick’s Day celebrations to cover various cultural events. This year the spotlight is on a 24-hour version of J. M. Synge’s classic, “The Playboy of the Western World”. If you would like to drop in on it, simply ask the hotel porter whether they can tune you in to the “Playboy” channel. Ireland’s longest-running fly-on-the-wall documentary is set in Dublin and is called “Fair City”. Irish television station RTE is also curently showing an excellent “docu-soap” about one of St Patrick’s real-life descendants. His favourite prayer is “Well holy god” and he is called Miley. GETTING AROUND If you need to get back from the city centre to your B&B or hotel in a hurry, why waste £££s on a taxi? Simply hail any bus that displays the sign “An Lar”. it will take you straight to your door, and all for just a standard fare of 20 pence! Many buses that service hotels in Dublin also have no tops. But the cheapest of all forms of transport operating on St Patrick’s Day is the ponies and traps that congregate around St Stephen’s Green. They will transport you and your family from the centre of Dublin to the hills of Wicklow at St Patrick’s day prices (i.e. circa AD 385) - just a few groats or two shekels or a shilling (5p) for the round trip. Many ordinary motor vehicles in Ireland also double as part-time tour buses during the holiday period. Simply flag one down and ask the driver “Do you fancy a ride?” NIGHTLIFE Throughout the evening of St Patrick’s Day various historical pageants take place in several districts of Dublin. To capture this wonderful mardi gras atmosphere, make sure you take a stroll down Mount Street, Fitzwilliam Square or outside Collins’s Barracks. And to get a condensed and quick history of the area, simply ask one of the young people you encounter if there is any chance of “a quickie”. Make sure not to miss the late-night evening rituals by taking a scenic journey on the Nitelink. These inexpensive tours are extremely popular, particularly with the youngsters of Dublin. Be sure to sit upstairs, in the rear seats, as it is easier to take photos with that new digital camera. It’s always best to blend in with the natives in local clubs and nightclubs on St Paddy’s Day night It is traditional to wear white socks and trainers, or leprechaun outfits. COUNSELLING If - heaven forbid - you have your handbag snatched during your otherwise pleasant stay in the Emerald Isle, simply phone the 24-hour tourist helpline. It’s called “The Ryahh Line”. Ask to speak to Gerry. ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/68 "2001-02-05T20:09:21Z")
Until recently, the month of Cukember followed December (origin of the much-misquoted “cool as Cukember”). Cukember was eliminated because it violated the “oysters in R months” rule. ---
**Author:** ![Toaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@Toaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/69 "2001-02-05T22:31:53Z")
Ice cubes can only melt to a certain point. Since individual water molecules cannot melt, ice that is only one molecule is at absolute zero. Scientists have concluded, after months of research, that deer are shallow. Very shallow. Their life is full of meaningless relationships that go nowhere, and the only reason that their species is still around is that they haven’t invented contraception. The original series “Iron Chef” was set in Italy, but the show was cancelled after they repeated “pasta” as the main ingredient eleven times. Cheese really isn’t made from milk. It grows from trees on a small island in the Pacific Ocean. ---
**Author:** ![Cago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Cago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cago)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/70 "2001-04-14T10:15:04Z")
Shak: brilliant, absolutely brilliant… I only got about half the refernences (being an ignorant New Zealander) but my eyes are still watering. Speaking of which, the only mammals capable of crying are humans and opossums. And the metre was originally measured as the distance from the tips of Napoleon’s outstretched arms. ---
**Author:** ![CBEscapee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@CBEscapee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBEscapee)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/71 "2001-04-14T20:44:26Z")
Jerry Falwell is the creator of ‘Beavis and Butthead’. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/72 "2001-04-14T23:40:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mahaloth \* > \*\* > A transexual “woman” has been recorded having a baby. > \*\* It is considered polite to put transsexual people’s gender identity in scorn quotes. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/73 "2001-04-15T02:36:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vertigo \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > > \*\*Platypi do not cast reflections. > > > > Oliver Hardy and Stan Laurel were actually the same person. > > > > 2+2 actually equals 4.0000000001 > > > > The moon is not actually a sphere. It is a cylinder. > > > > Until the year 1934, “ice” was referred to as “really hard water.” > > > > The term “short circuit” was named for Winston “Shorty” Circuitapalauski. > > \*\* > > Goodness Gracious those were funny! … > Seriously, though JB, those raised the bar to which all the rest must raise themselves…, or lower, as the case may be. > > very funny. very enjoyable. thanks or the chortle! > \*\* Well it took an archeologist to dig this thread up, for me to see this flattering compliment. I don’t know what to say. Thank you. “You like me, right now you really really like me.” Fact: The above quote, by Sally Field appears verbatim in Shakespeare’s _King Lear_ ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/74 "2001-04-15T19:58:45Z")
I almost had a heart attack. I posted in this thread back in October and didn’t realize it had been ressurected. I was reading and all the sudden I see, “Mahaloth, you had me worried.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! They know what threads I’m reading!!! Oh, I posted on it. Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![OldMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b2d939/32.png) [@OldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldMan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/75 "2001-04-15T22:04:56Z")
If you chip the makeup off Tammy Fay Bakker, you’ll find Jimmy Hoffa. There are giant marijuana plants growing in the sewers of New York city from all the stashes that have been flushed over the years. They’ve mutated so that they don’t require photosynthesis, and they’re unusually potent, with no side effects. But nobody can get in to harvest them because of the alligators. ---
**Author:** ![jazzmine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/76 "2001-04-15T22:44:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OldMan \* > **If you chip the makeup off Tammy Fay Bakker, you’ll find Jimmy Hoffa.** 😃 Twinkies and the foam in couch cushions are made of the same material. So…Bob. I’ve been meaning to ask you about that third leg. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/77 "2001-04-16T06:17:43Z")
> [@](#): > > If a mouse gets caught in a trap, an angel gets set on fire. That’s a Jack Handeyism!!! ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/78 "2003-01-17T01:12:44Z")
Lasagna is the only popular food invented by eskimos. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/79 "2003-01-17T05:45:34Z")
> [@](#): > > The obelisks and pyramids of Egypt are nearly 3000 years older than previously thought and some stones bear the marks of ancient power tools… Many of the hieroglyphs contained thereupon include depictions of Rolling Stones concerts… Oh, I forgot I was supposed to lie… How about “I did not have sex with that woman…” ? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Medievalist2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19adc/32.png) [@Medievalist2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medievalist2)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073/80 "2003-01-17T10:45:25Z")
You can do well in sports if you just try hard enough. Traveling backwards in time is possible. I know because I’ve done it. The world’s most popular candy is mint jellies with maple-flavored coating. Allowing a child to store water balloons in his or her room is a wise idea. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bald-faced-lies/39073.md?page=5)