# Ballad Of Jed Clampett **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 30, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568 "2002-10-30T17:15:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/1 "2002-10-30T17:15:50Z")
At the end of the opening credits to “The Beverly Hillbillies”, there were usually added another couple of verses touting the benevolence of their sponsor, Kellogg’s cereal. Does anyone know these lyrics? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/2 "2002-10-30T19:00:28Z")
IIRC it was something like “Presented by the kindness of our sponsor of the week, The cereals from Kellogg’s Kellogg’s of Battle Creek.” I distinctly remember Jed and granny doing commercials for Winston cigarets (“Winston’s taste good, like a cigaret had oughta.”) Did they get their own verse, too? ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/3 "2002-10-31T03:12:21Z")
I always thought it was “. . . fresh from Battle Creek.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/4 "2002-10-31T03:27:54Z")
Was there ever a Jedi Clampitt? ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/5 "2002-10-31T04:50:47Z")
I got slapped once for my version: This is a story about a man named Jed; poor mountain man barely kept his family fed; Then one day he was shootin’ at some food; And up from the ground popped Ellie May nude. Well the next thing you know ol’ Jed is over there; Sucking on her titties and pulling at her hair; Jethro hid behind a bush trying to hide; Cuz he was next to give Ellie a ride. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/6 "2002-10-31T13:39:58Z")
Er… the scansion of your last two lines is absolutely awful, **racer72**. Perhaps that’s why you were slapped. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/7 "2002-10-31T14:39:03Z")
Our school’s risque version ended with something like: “And out from his pants came a bubblin’ sperm . . .” Kind of wish I could remember the rest of it. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/8 "2002-10-31T16:17:42Z")
“Let me tell ya a story about a man named Jed A poor motherf\*\*\*\*r with a rubber on his head He was f\*\*\*\*\*g Ellie Mae in the tall grass and up popped Granny & shot him in the ass” anyone remember the old Saturday Night Live skit- “The Bel-Airabs”? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/9 "2002-10-31T18:43:41Z")
Purely from memory: (You can tell I didn’t waste MY youth!) Lemmee tell ya the story of a man named Abdul A poor desert beduin, he didn’t have no fuel Then one day he was shootin’ at some jews And up thru the ground came a bubblin’ ooze. Oil, that is. Black gold, Saudi soda The next thing you know Abdul’s a billiionaire His kinfold says, Abdul, move on over there Yes, Californy, you really should be there So he loaded up the camel and moved to Belair. Swimmin’ pools, movie stars Jews ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ballad-of-jed-clampett/134568/10 "2002-10-31T19:58:51Z")
I thought it was, “Winston tastes good-like a cigarette SHOULD.” I like Weird Al’s version myself.