# Bananas are bad, m'kay? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283 "2003-03-26T14:06:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/1 "2003-03-26T14:06:07Z")
2003 is the year, my friends - the year that **THespos** finally cleans up his act, health-wise. I implemented the first stage of _Operation Get Your Shit Together_ on January 6th of this year. On that day, I smoked my very last cigarette. Stage One was a success, and I haven’t smoked since, so I figured it was okay to move to Stage Two. (You can’t kill all your of bad habits at one time. It’s too much to do at once. So divide and conquer, I say.) Stage Two involves making some changes to my eating habits, including: [list=1] [li]No more consumption of entire 1 lb. bags of peanut M&Ms right before going to bed[/li][li]Strict 2,000 calorie/day limit[/li][li]Fuck Ben. Fuck Jerry. Fuck all 50 of their flavors.[/li][li]Introduction of new food items into diet, namely “fruits” and “vegetables”[/li][li]Snacking on rice cakes instead of entire sides of beef[/li][/list=1] To address #4, above, I bought [this](http://store.yahoo.com/everythingbagel/warpje4juice.html). The purchase was an incredibly exciting thing, as I now get to play Mad Scientist and combine various forms of fruit/vegetable DNA to produce the Ultimate Nutritious Beverage. Some of my early experiments… Bloody Mary Mix I threw 4 tomatoes and 2 stalks of celery into the damned thing, and added horseradish and black pepper to what came out of it. Then I remembered that vodka=mucho calories, so I stuck the stuff in a Tupperware container and found a nice spot for it in the back of my fridge, next to the box of Arm & Hammer. It is not likely that the Bloody Mary Mix will see the light of day again. Homemade Apple Juice I used the Granny Smith variety of apples, which produces a neat beverage that tastes like ground-up sour apple SweeTarts in suspension. Love it. Kiwi-Carrot Juice After much experimentation, I found this unique combination. Sounds like it would taste like ass, but it is truly the Nectar of the Gods. I will be drinking Kiwi-Carrot juice for the rest of my natural life. It has replaced the blue Slurpee as my Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink Substance. After about 50 or so experiments like the ones described above, I began to notice that the bananas I purchased earlier in the week were starting to show their age. “Hmm…” I thought. “I haven’t yet tried bananas. I have no idea what banana juice would taste like. Let’s have a go.” I peeled several bananas and turned on the juicer. I fed a banana into the chute. “Grrrrrrrrrrrrnt,” said my juicer. But nothing came forth from the spout. So I tried another. “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnt,” said my juicer. A little louder this time. Still no juice. So I cram another two bananas into the chute. “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt,” said the juicer, loud enough to cause my upstairs neighbor to possibly think that I was feeding a manatee into a wood chipper. Then, something bad happened. The juicer started hopping up and down, making even more noise. I was reminded of the scene in Contact where the machine’s rings are whipping around so fast that the viewer knows that Something Bad Is About To Happen. So I did what any brave soul would do in such a situation. I closed my eyes and stuck my fingers in my ears. Something hit me in the center of the forehead. Before opening my eyes, I said a little prayer… “Dearest God, please bless me and ensure that the cutting blade has not flown clear of my juicer and embedded itself in my forehead.” I opened my eyes. I wiped something off my forehead with two fingers. I tasted it. “Not blood. That’s good. It kinda tastes like…bananas.” Surveying the kitchen, I found that my juicer had somehow managed to coat the walls next to my counter with nasty-looking banana puree. I shut the damned thing off. After a thorough cleaning, the juicer still works fine. That is, it works fine on relatively firm fruits and vegetables. But bananas are bad. And I shall never again attempt to create banana juice. Probably tastes like shit anyway. If I were one of those litigious, anti-personal responsibility chuckleheads, I’d probably sue. After all, where the fuck was the warning label? But I’m not. So I permanently lost 30 minutes of my life and a moist sponge to the cleaning gods. Such is life. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/2 "2003-03-26T14:13:32Z")
Perhaps you should have chopped the bananas and mixed them in afterwards? Just a thought. Anyway, very good rant, if only because you’ve inspired me to try kiwi-carrot juice the next time I have kiwis to blend. 😃 – **Derleth** , looking for New Zealanders. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/3 "2003-03-26T14:20:16Z")
Bananas work very nicely with milk in the _blender_ to produce a banana flavored milkshake, yummy! ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/4 "2003-03-26T14:24:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by THespos \* > \*\* > “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt,” said the juicer, loud enough to cause my upstairs neighbor to possibly think that I was feeding a manatee into a wood chipper. > \*\* I think I strained(no pun intended) something laughing at this. Plus, I nearly sucked part of my bagel down my throat. Then, I was assaulted by the image of a man shoving a sea cow into a wood chipper. Lastly, thank you for my new catch phrase for loud awkward noises 😛 FB ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/5 "2003-03-26T14:24:47Z")
Bananas are for the blender, not the juicer! They make a good milkshake blended up with low fat milk and yoghurt, by the way. Cheers for the carrot and kiwi tip. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/6 "2003-03-26T14:25:44Z")
The noise your juicer makes reminds me of my mom’s pasta maker. Hmmm … angel-hair banana … ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/7 "2003-03-26T14:26:38Z")
I could have told you that bananas don’t work well in the juicer, but now it’s too late. However, it’s not too late to tell you that kittens don’t work well in there either; they produce a lot of juice, but most of the cute fluffyness is lost somewhere along the way. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/8 "2003-03-26T14:29:12Z")
Manatee in a wood chipper… ::chortle:: ::Wipes coffee off monitor:: Thanks for that little a.m. pick-me-up. Might I suggest passionflowers? The fruit makes great juice, and would probably mix well with bananas… ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/9 "2003-03-26T14:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\*However, it’s not too late to tell you that kittens don’t work well in there either; they produce a lot of juice, but most of the cute fluffyness is lost somewhere along the way. \*\* “Mange tout” indeed, my friend. 😃 Don’t give me any ideas. I might decide to whip up some slug 'n snail juice and feed it to my unsuspecting sister. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/10 "2003-03-26T14:41:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by THespos \* > \*\* [li]Strict 2,000 calorie/day limit[/li] \*\* Personally, I don’t think that’s enough to keep even a hummingbird alive for a week. I was on a 2000 calorie per day diet. On day 3, I passed out. ---
**Author:** ![Harli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c0e974/32.png) [@Harli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harli)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/11 "2003-03-26T14:43:46Z")
Would the juicer accept the bananas better if they were frozen, I wonder? I’m a big fan of freezing bananas then tossing them into the blender with some frozen strawberries (or a couple tablespoons of strawberry jam) and some milk and making a killer smoothie. Mmmmmmmm, nummy. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/12 "2003-03-26T14:51:17Z")
Dude, try carrot spinach juice (you can add apple, too, for more sweetness). It’ll _look_ like the aftermath of a manatee in a woodchipper, but it’s mucho yummy. Also, when you juice the carrots next time, roll up the leftover “pulp” in a sheet of nori, seal it with a dab of honey, and voila! A much tastier snack than a Packing Peanuts Patty–I mean, a rice cake. (And FTR, I vote for allowing yourself two of those Bloody Marys on the weekend.) ---
**Author:** ![KarmaComa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@KarmaComa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarmaComa)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/13 "2003-03-26T14:53:40Z")
I’ll suggest orange-Marlboro juice here. High in vitamin C and rich in nicotine. It should help with the banana cravings, too! Just take the filters out first. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/14 "2003-03-26T14:54:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Harli \* > **Would the juicer accept the bananas better if they were frozen, I wonder?** Bananas just aren’t juicy; that’s the problem. On the subject of frozeon ones though, it is rather nice to insert a skewer in a peeled banana, dip it in melted chocolate and freeze it…mmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Harrison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5ac83/32.png) [@John\_Harrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Harrison)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/15 "2003-03-26T15:06:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FaerieBeth \* > \*\*I think I strained(no pun intended) something laughing at this. Plus, I nearly sucked part of my bagel down my throat. Then, I was assaulted by the image of a man shoving a sea cow into a wood chipper. Lastly, thank you for my new catch phrase for loud awkward noises 😛 > > FB \*\* I’m with you. Almost crapped my pants. (I was definitely prairie doggin it) 😃 Thanks THespos!! ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/16 "2003-03-26T15:53:43Z")
OMG, I can’t believe that I’ve posted this sentence: > [@](#): > > So I cram another two bananas into the chute. …and no one has chimed in with a sexually charged comment. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/17 "2003-03-26T16:03:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\*Bananas just aren’t juicy; that’s the problem. > > On the subject of frozeon ones though, it is rather nice to insert a skewer in a peeled banana, dip it in melted chocolate and freeze it…mmmmm. \*\* yup. The banana will just stay in the strainer basket. best of luck to you, THespos! ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/18 "2003-03-26T16:08:41Z")
It was fun to see this thread title and note that Bad News Baboon was the last to post to it. Of course, I just ruined that. One way bananas aren’t evil: They’re slick on the way back up. Puking bananas is a painless process, should you happen to be sort of puky. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/19 "2003-03-26T16:52:42Z")
Thanks for that little tidbit, **Cranky**. I’ll file that for use at a later date. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283/20 "2003-03-26T17:01:45Z")
Heh. My husband used to be a naval flight officer. Every once in awhile for PR purposes they’d let a news reporter go for a ride in one of the planes. One reporter asked the pilot what he should eat for breakfast, knowing that a lot of uninitiated folks get airsick and puke during the ride - he wanted to know if there was anything you could eat that would make this less likely to happen. Pilot told him to eat bananas. “Really, that makes you less likely to get sick?” “Nope,” says pilot. “But they pretty much taste the same way coming back up as they do on the way down.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bananas-are-bad-mkay/164283.md?page=2)