# Band names that should be but ain't
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 27, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673 "2000-10-27T23:09:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/1 "2000-10-27T23:09:44Z")
[sub]Apologies to Jello Biafra and Wiston Smith[/sub]
For example:
**The Fabulous Bee Jays**
or
**Disco Pederast**
Hell, you can even use actual, though obscure, band names, that just need to be shared with the world, which gives me and excuse to mention:
**The _FUCKIN_ Sailors** ,
**The Dirty Old Men** ,
**The Killin Sticks** ,
and
**The Army of God with Johnny and Luther** ,
all of which I was in at one time or another, and none of which lasted for more than a half hour, except for **The Killin Sticks** , who lasted long enough for us to get drunk and record on four track such future improv blues standards as “I’m Gonna Kill Ya,” “(I Put) 16 Miles of Wire (In Your Mouth),” “You Get Funky, or I Get My Gun,” and “Crackhead Tony (Fuck You!!!),” which took about three hours.
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### Author:  [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/2 "2000-10-27T23:10:55Z")
There’s certainly been a band called **Army of God** , I’m sure.
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### Author:  [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2000, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/3 "2000-10-27T23:46:56Z")
My bad. I meant:
**God’s Army with Johnny and Luther** ,
as in the 12 year-old cigar smoking Burmese rebel twins with the invisible soldiers.
As featured on [the website](http://neussubjex.net) of the zine I write for.
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### Author:  [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2000, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/4 "2000-10-27T23:57:23Z")
I knew this guy who was in a band called the Ben Franklins, and they’d wear these matching shirts that said “We’re Bad Mother Franklins” on them, and I thought Bad Mother Franklins would have been a much better name.
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### Author:  [@system\_hoser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system_hoser)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/5 "2000-10-28T00:04:58Z")
The Go-Devils and the Gear-Daddies were actual bands in the Minneapolis area about ten years ago. The only two band names I’ve ever imagined are Throat Culture and The Terminal Woodies.
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### Author:  [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/6 "2000-10-28T00:45:02Z")
**Sakura** came up with “Savage Clams”. An excellent name for a rock group, IMHO.
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### Author:  [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/7 "2000-10-28T00:47:55Z")
Definitely has a ring to it, I think.
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### Author:  [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/8 "2000-10-28T00:58:52Z")
The Flaming Urinal Cakes
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### Author:  [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/9 "2000-10-28T02:51:10Z")
I was the drummer for a band called the Underage Sexual Deviants. Short lived fun, that was.
Good names:
Casual bondage
Eaters of Cheese
Cthulu’s Favorite Sandwich
Five story bonfire
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### Author:  [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/10 "2000-10-28T02:57:15Z")
The Donner Party
They’re Coming to Get You, Barbara
Horseshoes ‘n’ Hand Grenades
Susan DiLucci and the Miracle of Life
Madam Nhu and the Barbequed Monks
I once played bass for a very bad garage band called the North American Giant Salamander.
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### Author:  [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/11 "2000-10-28T03:02:15Z")
A good punk band could get away with “The Felchers”
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### Author:  [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/12 "2000-10-28T03:10:03Z")
Actual one from near where I live:
Alvin and the Chip Punks (now it’s just A.C.P.)
also
The Fratticks (named after a substitute teacher).
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/13 "2000-10-28T04:07:44Z")
Crack Sex
BunnyBrains
Iron Prostate
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### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/14 "2000-10-28T05:11:40Z")
The fictional band that lices in my head and is the inspiration for my user name …
**The Jackbatties**
Which (bear with me while I tell this story again) comes from an old National Lampoon article suggesting names for bands. Cowboy Bob & The Jackbatties was listed under the Country/Punk category. It cracked me up then and does to this day, hence your dear Jack was born.
P.S. - Thea, isn’t The Donner Party already taken?
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### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/15 "2000-10-28T05:12:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \*
> **The fictional band that lices in my head . . .**
Lices? Punk-Freudian slip?
That should be **"lives"**
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### Author:  [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/16 "2000-10-28T05:43:43Z")
The rubber Band
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### Author:  [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/17 "2000-10-28T07:59:27Z")
I saw this on the menu in a Chinese restaraunt once and it seemed like a great rock band name: Slippery Chicken.
I was in a REALLY bad garage band (we rehearsed once, and when we performed a week later the only song we didn’t trash was Johnny B Goode) called The Electric Chawberry Mountain Boys. Ah, the good old days…
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### Author:  [@Carina42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carina42)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/18 "2000-10-28T08:28:45Z")
\*Priapism
\*Skinny Puppy
\*Rubber Planet
\*Mind Go Flip Choir Boys
\*Bambi’s Apartment
\*Opie Gone Bad
\*Deep Banana Blackout
Actually these are all real bands (Priapism is defunct now), but I couldn’t make up anything near as good. I’ve always thought “Squirrel Nut Zippers” was a great band name, too.
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### Author:  [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/19 "2000-10-28T14:05:59Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by betenoir \*
> \*\*
>
> Iron Prostate
>
> \*\*
Ah yes, “Bring me the head of Jerry Garcia/He plays guitar like diarrhea…”
Classic.
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### Author:  [@scratch1300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch1300)
#### Post date: [October 28, 2000, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/20 "2000-10-28T14:13:20Z")
**You Guys Suck**. That way when the audience yells it, hey, they must be fans.
**Sickening Thud** I like, too.
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