# Band names that should be but ain't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673 "2000-10-27T23:09:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/41 "2000-10-30T21:18:01Z")
\*\*Death by Jitney Telepathic Cartographers\*\* Carina’s suggestion of Priapism reminded me that I was at a Halloween party on Friday where a guy was dressed as a priapic priest. His alternate name was Mojo Monk. Either of those would be pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/42 "2000-10-30T21:58:54Z")
When I was in college me and 4 friends would get drunk and sing, very loudly, every Friday. We got to be a regular attraction. People would buy us pitchers of beer. We were called **The ToneDeafs** and **The Swollen Lymph Nodes**. The name of the bar was **The Jolly Bull**. All pretty good names. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/43 "2000-10-31T04:00:04Z")
3 suggestions, two of which I’ve played under, but the third seems like it would be an arthouse, math-rock band name. Coldfire’d probably love 'em. 🙂 1. **One Track Mind and the Four Track Hearts** - This was our Hank Williams revival band. Only we were more like the Rev. Horton Heat. We were fun, though. 2. **Free Beer** - This one looked great on club marquees…“Tonight: Free Beer.” Worked like a charm, too. 3. **Third Bullet** - Imagine Rush, with Geddy Lee screeching “Back, and to the left!” ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/44 "2000-10-31T04:33:01Z")
Bands I’ve either been in or jammed with: **The Lines** - I hated that name, but they were already formed when I joined so I didn’t have a choice. **Frank Burns** formerly **Haven Moses** - My brother-in-law’s band. **Bruce and the Crewcuts** - Big Number: _Theme from Peter Gunn_ **The Drunken Idiots** - Me, my cousin and my uncle jamming in my uncle’s basement. **The Nameless Many** - Not actually a band but it occurred to me that it would be a good name for one. It just describes everyone that anyone who has ever jammed has jammed with (or something like that). ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/45 "2000-10-31T11:27:13Z")
The Maple-Leaf Fags. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/46 "2000-10-31T11:33:43Z")
(From a band that was neither Canadian, nor exceptionally angry:) **Angry Canadians** ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/47 "2000-10-31T17:59:31Z")
Chinese Restaurants seem to be the holy grail for band names. I found **“smelly chicken”** on a menu recently… it is saied to taste fine, but nobody can get himself to order it… Is there already a band called **Maidens of Death**? It would make for a good industrial goth band… in my opinion… I wanted to get the words tattooed but then I thought if it actually is a band already or somebody has the idea while I am still alive I ll most prolly have the name of a crappy band tattooed on me. Bad idea. Any username at this bord would be a good band name I guess dodgy ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/48 "2000-10-31T18:04:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\*When I was in college me and 4 friends would get drunk and sing, very loudly, every Friday. We got to be a regular attraction. People would buy us pitchers of beer. We were called **The ToneDeafs** and **The Swollen Lymph Nodes**. The name of the bar was **The Jolly Bull**. > > All pretty good names. > > \*\* There are deaftones already… ---
**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/49 "2000-10-31T18:52:08Z")
**A few suggestions come to mind** Viagra’s Nemesis The Bi-Spectacled Cyclops The Horny Minotaurs The Teeming Millions John Bobbit’s Dick The Scorpion’s Strategy Andromeda’s vagina Harry Stamper’s Armageddon Hypothesis ---
**Author:** ![LMacG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ba8739/32.png) [@LMacG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LMacG)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/50 "2000-10-31T19:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BornDodgy \* > \*\*There are deaftones already… \*\* Those are Deftones, I do believe. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/51 "2000-10-31T19:23:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*3 suggestions, two of which I’ve played under, but the third seems like it would be an arthouse, math-rock band name. Coldfire’d probably love 'em. 🙂 > > (snip) > > 1. **Free Beer** - This one looked great on club marquees…“Tonight: Free Beer.” Worked like a charm, too. > \*\* Similar idea: I remember a band called “Live Nude Girls” that also looked pretty good on a marquee. I’ve always been partial to “Clifford the Big Red Dog,” but you’d probably get sued. How about: Catpatties The Boneponies Technicolor Yawn Various Artists - kind of hard to file your records at the store, though Soundtracks - ditto. ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/52 "2000-10-31T19:50:00Z")
Dsylexic HickDeads ---
**Author:** ![relic\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/50afbb/32.png) [@relic\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/relic_11)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/53 "2000-10-31T20:30:40Z")
The Lysdexics. The Dysfunctionals(real) Beef Jerky All I got… ---
**Author:** ![Ivar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ivar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ivar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/54 "2000-10-31T22:19:57Z")
Todd AO & the Glen Glenns Thurston Howell III’s Boner We had a local music mag here in town a few years ago that had a monthly column of lists of potential band names. Also, check out these sites [http://www.joescafe.com/bands/bands.cgi](http://www.joescafe.com/bands/bands.cgi) [http://www.irz.com/robin/bandnameprogram/](http://www.irz.com/robin/bandnameprogram/) enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/55 "2000-10-31T23:05:36Z")
Here’s a few: The Hypothetical Band Satan’s Kid Brother Artie Enema Du Jour Fluffy And for an album title: “The Album of the Same Name” ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/56 "2000-10-31T23:42:37Z")
Or: I’m Watching You, Billy ---
**Author:** ![tsarina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@tsarina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsarina)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673/57 "2000-11-01T23:42:48Z")
Friends of mine have thought these up, so I can’t take the credit: - Electric Lederhosen - Tits of Doom - Asphalt Anus [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/band-names-that-should-be-but-aint/38673.md?page=2)