# Barbies you'll never see... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270 "2003-10-19T00:14:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/1 "2003-10-19T00:14:38Z")
Inspired by **astro** ’s “New from Mattel - Wicca Secret Spell Barbie!” thread, what are some Barbies (and Kens) that they’ll NEVER bring to market? _Ho Bitch Barbie_ - Hot pants, tank-top cut of just below her… charms, 8" platform shoes… “Get out there and make me some money!” and of course… _Pimp Ken_ - something like [this…](http://www.pimphats.com/images003/s1_valonval_gldjnglleo3.jpg) _Fundamentalist Barbie_ - turtleneck sweater, home-made bib-overalls jean skirt (ankle-length of course!) bible in one hand, baby in the other, Michael and Jerehmiah in the stroller, Caan, Rebecca, Abraham and David tagging along behind. _Hobo Ken_ - tattered rags for clothes, 6 day growth of beard, with the Ken Smell Module[sup]tm[/sup] for that realistic effect. _CEO Barbie, Colonel Barbie, Professor Barbie_ etc… - Heaven forbid she should think she was more than a plaything or secretary! _Mansonite Ken OR Barbie_ - shaved head, swastika carved into forehead, talking version, of course. “We love you Charlie!” Can anyone think of more??? ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/2 "2003-10-19T00:24:15Z")
Cellulite Barbie, with realistic jiggling thigh action. Sleeps on Her Stomach Barbie. Flat-footed Barbie. Eating Disorder Barbie. ---
**Author:** ![LadySybil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@LadySybil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadySybil)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/3 "2003-10-19T00:29:52Z")
Catgirl Barbie, with ears and a tail. Sailor fuku sold separately. Ninja Barbie. Hippie Barbie, with long braids, tie-dye and fringe leather outfit, and a baggie of maryjane. Microbus not included. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/4 "2003-10-19T00:34:01Z")
Leftist Barbie. Long stringy hair, John Lennon glasses, “Save the Whales” button on a “no nukes” t-shirt. Unshaven pits. Blue jeans. Unshaven legs. Birkenstocks. You can find her with Ken at a global monetary conference, praying to get arrested so they can feel relevant. ---
**Author:** ![bojon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@bojon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bojon)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/5 "2003-10-19T00:36:59Z")
I am fond of Trailer park Barbie, with Ken’s Corvette up on blocks. Or Dominatrix Barbie…WOOOWEEE ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/6 "2003-10-19T00:40:50Z")
Bag Lady Barbie Late-term Abortion Barbie Casting Couch Barbie Porn Star Barbie Goth Barbie ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/7 "2003-10-19T00:41:35Z")
LOL!!! I knew this was a good idea! 😃 “Cellulite Barbie” with jiggling thighs… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/8 "2003-10-19T00:52:31Z")
Nazi Barbie ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/9 "2003-10-19T01:12:39Z")
“Barbie - She-Wolf of the S.S.” ---
**Author:** ![Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olive_The_Other_Reindeer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/10 "2003-10-19T01:13:17Z")
Lesbian Bondage Barbie!!! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/11 "2003-10-19T01:21:51Z")
I did a takeoff on Barbie once, “Kajira Doll”. Here’s the url [http://www.jollyroper.com/gor/kajira.html](http://www.jollyroper.com/gor/kajira.html) there’s no nudity on the page, but there is a scantily clad resin statue, so whether it’s worksafe or not is problematical. And other parts of my site are NOT work safe, so take care. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/91b2a8/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_Sandwhich)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/12 "2003-10-19T01:36:02Z")
More possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/13 "2003-10-19T01:40:03Z")
In the past I suggested **Hannibal Lector Barbie** Wayyyy back I suggested **Heaven’s Gate Barbie** ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/14 "2003-10-19T01:56:17Z")
Divorcee Barbie - Comes with half of Ken’s stuff. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/15 "2003-10-19T02:22:15Z")
Can’t believe I didn’t think of this in the OP… :smack: **A-cup Barbie** ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/16 "2003-10-19T02:33:08Z")
Internet Porn Barbie w/hot fisting action (packaged w/Goatse Ken) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/17 "2003-10-19T02:59:43Z")
> [@](#): > > CEO Barbie, Colonel Barbie, Professor Barbie etc… - Heaven forbid she should think she was more than a plaything or secretary! Um, I hate to break it to you, but all three have been done, more or less. Pre-Op MtF Barbie Anatomically Correct Barbie (and/or Ken) Masturbation Barbie (comes with vibrator and copy of _Playgirl_) GG Allin Ken Tub-Girl Barbie Goatsecx Ken ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/18 "2003-10-19T02:59:53Z")
Spit-roasted Barbie aka barbie Q Antichrist Barbie Amputee Barbie Zombie Barbie ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/19 "2003-10-19T03:49:27Z")
Rosta Barbie with dreadlocks. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270/20 "2003-10-19T04:03:45Z")
[http://www.spatulaproductions.com/spatula/hellraiserken.jpg](http://www.spatulaproductions.com/spatula/hellraiserken.jpg) This is truly a work of art… I love those cheesy movies! Heroine Junkie Barbie that comes with her own stash/needle, under eye rings, and stick-thin body [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barbies-youll-never-see/208270.md?page=2)