# Barney Miller **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 8, 2014, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621 "2014-07-08T09:16:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/61 "2014-07-09T01:27:23Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > That’s Cheye-Cheye Rodruhgweez! (Cheye rhymes with eye.) > [@Poysyn](#): > > and the little mexican dogs - chiya-hooa-hooas I thought they were NYPD, not the Cincinnatti PD. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/62 "2014-07-09T01:28:50Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > Samuel L. Jackson says the same thing about Laurence Fishburne. 😉 I think Morgan Freeman says the same thing about Barack Obama. Or vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/63 "2014-07-09T02:11:58Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > There was also the lady detective on temporary assignment to bust a dentist with wandering hands. I think that might have been Wentworth (Linda Lavin.) Wasn’t the punchline that the dentist didn’t try to do anything with her? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/64 "2014-07-09T02:23:47Z")
Perhaps there were other openly gay characters that predated Barney Miller, but I thought the recurring character of Marty was hilarious. My favorite Marty episode was when a Mafia accountant was being held in one of the cells, the best they could do for protective custody. Marty was in the same cell, I think he’d shoplifted some luggage. Their conversation was so funny. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/65 "2014-07-09T02:31:53Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > I think that might have been Wentworth (Linda Lavin.) Wasn’t the punchline that the dentist didn’t try to do anything with her? The female detective trying to catch the molesting dentist was Sgt. Scofield, played by Jenny O’Hara. She was offended that he hadn’t tried anything with her. Dentist: It’s a policy of mine, I never try anything with a first-time patient. Scofield: Oh. Dentist: I would have had you back for a follow-up. Scofield: You had your chance, pervert. Linda Lavin was in a vaguely similar situation when she was undercover trying to catch a rapist. The rapist shoved her aside to go after Wojciehowicz, who was in drag. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/66 "2014-07-09T02:58:15Z")
thanks to this thread I watched the part of the hash brownie episode that came up on youtube. still hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/67 "2014-07-09T03:09:03Z")
Two guys had been arrested for having a swordfight. Somebody looks at the swords on the counter, and asks what they’re for. Deitrich: “crowd control.” ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/68 "2014-07-09T04:31:49Z")
The voice analyzer episode was great. IA Inspector Scanlon shows up with a voice analyzer to grill the squad in a witch hunt for corruption. The machine beeps quietly in the background as the detectives are questioned. Examiner: Your real name is? Dietrich: Arthur P. Deitrich. Examiner: And the P stands for? Dietrich: I was never told. Examiner: Where were you born sergeant? Dietrich: It’s hard to remember. It was long, long ago. In a galaxy far, far away. _voice analyzer doesn’t miss a beat_ ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/69 "2014-07-09T04:42:34Z")
Scanlon shows up, introduces himself. Scanlon: Scanlon, Internal Affairs. Harris: Harris, human race. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/70 "2014-07-09T05:12:52Z")
It’s spelled just the way it sounds. W-O-J-C-I-E-H-O-W-I-C-Z. Wojciehowicz. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/71 "2014-07-09T07:20:54Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > While critically praised far and wide, I think it’s criminally underrated in the sense that it seems to be largely forgotten Also in the sense that criminals don’t like it because the cops are the good guys. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/72 "2014-07-09T07:59:12Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > It’s spelled just the way it sounds. W-O-J-C-I-E-H-O-W-I-C-Z. Wojciehowicz. How about when he helps deliver the baby? I think the mother who was a non-English-speaking Hispanic. She indicated she wanted to name the baby after him, and remember the look of horror on her face when he pronounced his name for her? ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/73 "2014-07-09T08:03:16Z")
When _Barney Miller_ began, most of the cops were stereotypes: the jive-talking black dude, the excitable Hispanic, the dumb Pole. It grew from this into one of the most intelligent sitcoms in TV history. Part of the credit goes to the actors, who helped develop the personalities of their characters. Part of it goes to the writers, who gave their audience credit for intelligence and kept making the show smarter and smarter while still keeping it funny. I remember an episode where an English teacher vandalized a billboard because of its horrible use of language. What other show would do something like this? I like Brooklyn Nine Nine, but its humor is much broader than Barney Miller’s. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/74 "2014-07-09T11:54:41Z")
Various police agencies have described Barney Miller as being the most accurate portrayal of police work on TV. Most of the job is paperwork. Reading through this thread has been fun. I had forgotten much of the good stuff. I’ll contribute one more: The episode where they had a mugger preying on women, and they all had to take turns dressing in drag as decoys. Fish as an elderly woman, Wojo as an \*ugly \*woman. Harris having to wait until his dress came back from being altered (“I don’t wear off the rack, Barney!”) and having to shave his mustache. When he finally came out in costume, everyone was surprised, because he looked so good (“I want to look good guys – but not _better_.”) ---
**Author:** ![Cumberdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Cumberdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumberdale)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/75 "2014-07-09T12:30:40Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Harris having to wait until his dress came back from being altered (“I don’t wear off the rack, Barney!”) and having to shave his mustache. When he finally came out in costume, everyone was surprised, because he looked so good (“I want to look good guys – but not _better_.”) I thought that dialog was from when the precinct had to wear their dress blues for the day. Of course, the dialog could have been repeated. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/76 "2014-07-09T13:03:32Z")
More Jack Soo moments Yemana: How’s the coffee? Woman, making a sour face: It tastes like pencils. Yemana: That’s because the cup was holding them. Miller: The coffee cups are actually clean! Marty: I scrubbed all the mold and mildew out of them. Yemana: I thought that was the design of the cup. and a bonus Fish gem A man in a hurry kept calling Fish “Pops.” Fish started typing out his report, hitting one key at a time. Hurried man: Can’t you speed things up? Fish, with a really bleak facial expression: You’ll have to excuse me. You see, I’m old. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/77 "2014-07-09T13:32:37Z")
I recall one where they were dealing with a guy who’d stayed shut in and disconnected from the world since WWII: **Shut-In:** Who won the war? **Yemana:** We did. And one where a student comes in with a bomb he built to report it and get people to pay attention. When he notices how everyone is on eggshells when talking to him, he explains: **Student:** It won’t explode. It doesn’t have any fissionable material. **Barney:** Oh… _[double-take]_ _Fissionable material?!_ ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/78 "2014-07-09T13:48:39Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > I think that might have been Wentworth (Linda Lavin.) Wasn’t the punchline that the dentist didn’t try to do anything with her? She was Alice by then but you have the punchline right. Upon checking IMDb, the detective was played by Jenny O’Hara. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/79 "2014-07-09T13:50:43Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > I recall one where they were dealing with a guy who’d stayed shut in and disconnected from the world since WWII: > > **Shut-In:** Who won the war? > **Yemana:** We did. The guy had been out of coffee for about 20 years and Nick offered him some: “I don’t remember it tasting like this.” ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/80 "2014-07-09T13:53:52Z")
> [@Hail\_Ants](#): > > Something very ironic is that in early episodes Ron Glass (later of _Firefly_ fame) plays Harris as a stereotypical jive-turkey-talking comic relief black guy (akin to something like Rerun on _What’s Happening!_). But then he quickly develops into completely the opposite: a cultured, refined, intelligent, class-snobbish, semi-wealthy gentleman. And this meshed absolutely perfectly for his constant pairing with Steve Landesberg’s super-intelligent but deadpan Dietrich. Harris (drunk and inconsolable about something, IIRC): “Barney:…I’m a country boy, you know that? I was poor – poor as the dirt I slept in. My daddy – my daddy worked 18 hours a day in the mills until they carried him away. Mama – mama took in white folks’ washing and mending just so she could put a little something on the table for 11 hungry children.” Barney (sympathetic): “I never knew that.” Harris: “That’s 'cause I made that up. I may just send that to ‘Palmerstown’ 'cause I’m a damn good writer, Barney, I am damn good!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621.md?page=5)