# Barney Miller **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 8, 2014, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621 "2014-07-08T09:16:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/81 "2014-07-09T14:02:22Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > It’s spelled just the way it sounds. W-O-J-C-I-E-H-O-W-I-C-Z. Wojciehowicz. Reminds me of the couple who kidnap their daughter from a new-age coffee shop where everyone uses Hindi names. Daughter: “Praknamurti.” Barney: [blank stare] Daughter: “Prak-na-mur-ti.” Barney: “Go with Wojciehowicz.” Daughter: [blank stare] Barney: “Wo-juh-ho-witz”. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/82 "2014-07-09T14:11:47Z")
I remember one time they went on a raid and recovered some military weapons. Back at the station - Wojo - (carrying a recently liberated bazooka) Walks into Barneys office. “Hey Barn, about that raise”? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/83 "2014-07-09T14:18:16Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > I recall one where they were dealing with a guy who’d stayed shut in and disconnected from the world since WWII: > > **Shut-In:** Who won the war? > **Yemana:** We did. > > And one where a student comes in with a bomb he built to report it and get people to pay attention. When he notices how everyone is on eggshells when talking to him, he explains: > > **Student:** It won’t explode. It doesn’t have any fissionable material. > **Barney:** Oh… _[double-take]_ _Fissionable material?!_ Didn’t that also have a great Deitrich line, when they were all convincing themselves the student couldn’t have actually built a nuclear device? Dietrich walks in and just says “Hey, where’s you get the A-Bomb?” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/84 "2014-07-09T14:31:30Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I remember one time they went on a raid and recovered some military weapons. Back at the station - > > Wojo - (carrying a recently liberated bazooka) Walks into Barneys office. “Hey Barn, about that raise”? That scene was not in the script, but a total ad lib by Max Gail. Pre-Barney Miller, Ron Glass was in an excellent episode of All in the Family [Everyone Tells The Truth](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PjuNbvwBbw), playing a refrigerator repairman in a scene told by Archie (who has him acting like a militant Black Panther), Mike (a Stepin Fetchit type) and lastly by Edith (as a regular person). Well worth watching. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/85 "2014-07-09T14:33:55Z")
> [@Hail\_Ants](#): > > Something very ironic is that in early episodes Ron Glass (later of _Firefly_ fame) plays Harris as a stereotypical jive-turkey-talking comic relief black guy (akin to something like Rerun on _What’s Happening!_). But then he quickly develops into completely the opposite: a cultured, refined, intelligent, class-snobbish, semi-wealthy gentleman. There was an episode where, inspired by _Roots_, he was trying to trace his ancestry back to Africa. He got upset when the report came back that his ancestors had lived in Scotland for hundreds of years, as far back as anyone could find. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/86 "2014-07-09T15:08:29Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > I’ll contribute one more: The episode where they had a mugger preying on women, and they all had to take turns dressing in drag as decoys. Fish as an elderly woman, Wojo as an \*ugly \*woman. Harris having to wait until his dress came back from being altered (“I don’t wear off the rack, Barney!”) and having to shave his mustache. When he finally came out in costume, everyone was surprised, because he looked so good (“I want to look good guys – but not _better_.”) And Dietrich’s little interplay, right at the end. Harris: Go ahead, get your little dig in. Dietrich: I was going to ask if you ever saw the movie _Belinda_. It’s about a cop, tortured with desire for a woman he can never have. Harris: So? Dietrich: It’s playing at the theater down the road. Wanna see it? And Harris and Dietrich roomed together for a while, but Harris had to move out, because other people had houseplants. Dietrich was growing wheat. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/87 "2014-07-09T15:26:52Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > I’ll contribute one more: The episode where they had a mugger preying on women, and they all had to take turns dressing in drag as decoys. Fish as an elderly woman, Wojo as an \*ugly \*woman. Harris having to wait until his dress came back from being altered (“I don’t wear off the rack, Barney!”) and having to shave his mustache. When he finally came out in costume, everyone was surprised, because he looked so good (“I want to look good guys – but not _better_.”) Reminds me of a scene in which (for reasons I’ve forgotten) Harris has no clothes and has to borrow one of Barney’s suits. He and Barney are talking about a case, and Harris turns to go. Barney stops him. Barney: Harris … nice suit. Harris (looks down at himself): Yeah, all that money I spend buying tailor-made clothes … turns out, I look good in _anything_. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/88 "2014-07-09T15:36:07Z")
> [@Sauron](#): > > Reminds me of a scene in which (for reasons I’ve forgotten) Harris has no clothes and has to borrow one of Barney’s suits. I think that was one of the times when Harris got wet. Maybe the sewer epsiode? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/89 "2014-07-09T15:39:02Z")
Just remembered the episode with the psychic who ended up in the cage because a would-be mugger had him arrested. Psychic: “I sense a gloomy presence nearby.” Then Luger walked in. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/90 "2014-07-09T18:20:14Z")
I liked watching Yemanas reaction to the “werewolf” in the cell undergoing his transformation. The plaintive way he called out for help, “Barneeeeee!” was just so typical of his character. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/91 "2014-07-09T18:29:45Z")
Some Levitt lines They’ve brought in a deaf crook, and nobody knows sign language except for Levitt. Levitt: My sister’s deaf, sir. Barney: I’m sorry. Levitt: That’s OK sir. It wasn’t your fault. later Levitt, wanting his name included in the case: It would make my deaf sister proud, sir. ---
**Author:** ![bmasters1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5e925/32.png) [@bmasters1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bmasters1)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/92 "2014-07-09T18:38:27Z")
I have just earlier received my purchase of Shout!'s complete release of _Barney Miller_ from Amazon. There is at least one thing that I have noticed about the same, and that is that each individual season (8 in all) has an image of one of the major players on its discs, and the image assigned to that season is used on all the discs (except for #1 of _Fish_, which has two images of Abe Vigoda). ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/93 "2014-07-09T18:50:00Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > I liked watching Yemanas reaction to the “werewolf” in the cell undergoing his transformation. The plaintive way he called out for help, “Barneeeeee!” was just so typical of his character. Y: " He was starting to change, I swear! There’s hair growing out of his face". B: “It’s called a beard. Haven’t you ever seen a beard before?” Y: “Not in my family.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/94 "2014-07-09T18:50:45Z")
Nod to Dietrich, who always seems to pull something obscure but helpful out his ass The squad has brought in a pregnant woman who only speaks German. Miller looks lost until Dietrich starts conversing with her. Miller gets Dietrich to talk to her. Dietrich: Gesehen keine gute Filme in letzter Zeit? Woman: Nein. Miller: What’d you say? Dietrich: I asked her if she’s seen any good movies lately. Dietrich: I knew a guy who when he got depressed would just put on his coat, leave the house, and just start walking. Barney (to Wojo): See? Dietrich: Sometimes for hours on end. One time he was gone for almost a whole day. Barney: Yeah, some people just like to be alone. He came back, didn’t he? Dietrich: Yeah. Barney (to Wojo): See? Dietrich: The tide brought him in. Barney is having marital problems with Liz, and she leaves after a discussion in his office. Dietrich: Was that Mrs. Miller? Barney Miller: Yeah. Dietrich: Past tense was unintentional. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/95 "2014-07-09T20:12:03Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Nod to Dietrich, who always seems to pull something obscure but helpful out his ass > > The squad has brought in a pregnant woman who only speaks German. Miller looks lost until Dietrich starts conversing with her. Miller gets Dietrich to talk to her. > > Dietrich: Gesehen keine gute Filme in letzter Zeit? > Woman: Nein. > Miller: What’d you say? > Dietrich: I asked her if she’s seen any good movies lately. There’s also the woman who everyone thought was crazy but Dietrich figured out she was speaking an unusual Eastern European dialect. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/96 "2014-07-09T20:58:06Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Some Levitt lines > > They’ve brought in a deaf crook, and nobody knows sign language except for Levitt. > > Levitt: My sister’s deaf, sir. > Barney: I’m sorry. > Levitt: That’s OK sir. It wasn’t your fault. > > later > > Levitt, wanting his name included in the case: It would make my deaf sister proud, sir. Levitt keeps badgering Barney about promotion to Detective, and is told that “these things take time”: That’s OK, sir, I’m here until 5.30. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/97 "2014-07-09T22:18:41Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I remember one time they went on a raid and recovered some military weapons. Back at the station - > > Wojo - (carrying a recently liberated bazooka) Walks into Barneys office. “Hey Barn, about that raise”? Wojo is processing the criminal who blew out all the windows of a bank when he tried to open the vault with the bazooka. Criminal: You ever fire one of those things? Wojo: Sure, in 'Nam. Criminal: Big deal. Outdoors. ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/98 "2014-07-09T23:03:22Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Harris (drunk and inconsolable about something, IIRC): “Barney:…I’m a country boy, you know that? I was poor – poor as the dirt I slept in. My daddy – my daddy worked 18 hours a day in the mills until they carried him away. Mama – mama took in white folks’ washing and mending just so she could put a little something on the table for 11 hungry children.” > > Barney (sympathetic): “I never knew that.” > > Harris: “That’s 'cause I made that up. I may just send that to ‘Palmerstown’ 'cause I’m a damn good writer, Barney, I am damn good!” Harris wrote a semi-fictional (and overly sensationalized) novel, _Blood on the Badge_, which made him loads of money. But he got successfully sued by the shyster lawyer (Stuart Pankin) for defamation of character and lost it all. That scene did start out very serious, Harris (again, drunk) begins by telling Barney, _“You are looking at one aaaangry nigger!”_. Back then something like that, in that context, was just honest, realistic dialog. Him making the joke later did lighten things up a bit! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/99 "2014-07-09T23:27:41Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > I agree the first season is clunky as regards to Barney’s personal life. I liked Barbara Barrie’s portrayal of Liz Miller, but her presence distracted from the show’s centers - the squad room and Barney’s office. 4th vote for “First season sucked”. Pretty good afterward. Make that ‘great’. ---
**Author:** ![bmasters1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5e925/32.png) [@bmasters1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bmasters1)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621/100 "2014-07-10T08:42:27Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > 4th vote for “First season sucked”. Pretty good afterward. Make that ‘great’. Absolutely right! I can’t wait to get through #1 (short as it is) and move on to #2 and beyond. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-miller/692621.md?page=6)