# Barney the Dinosaur vs the Teletubbies death match! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 26, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275 "2003-04-26T05:42:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/1 "2003-04-26T05:42:33Z")
[Barney the Dinosaur](http://www.blackpoolzoo.org.uk/bushtele/press16.html) vs the [Teletubbies.](http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/hints/outside.html) **Barney The Dinosaur:** Size- Variable - 6- 6.5 feet Weight Variable - 190-240 lbs Offensive Capacity - Massive Tyrannosaurus Rex jaws. Large muscular legs allow for astounding bouncing and hopping capacity. Shortish, limited mobility arms with opposable thumb and fused mitten hand. Hypnotic singing voice known to induce catatonic trance state in adults. **Teletubbies:** Size- Variable- 6-10 feet tall Weight - 200-350 lbs [Tinky Winky](http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/hints/ext_tinky.html) - largest tubbie- Purple - carries enormous red purse [Dipsy](http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/hints/ext_dipsy.html) Second largest tubbie - Green with piebald tophat [Laa-Laa](http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/hints/ext_laalaa.html) Yellow- with spike on head and large yellow ball. [Po](http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/hints/ext_po.html) Smallest tubbie- Red and has non-motorized scooter Offensive Capacity - Sheer mass Televisions in stomachs Weird ass alien technology Despite Barney’s probable ability to best any tubbie one on one (unless the tubbies use an embedded brain controller like the aliens did in Mecharoboto-Godzilla), a mass attack will be too much for the proud purple warrior to handle and he will go down beneath a sea of tubbies… \* or will he?\* ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/2 "2003-04-26T05:48:09Z")
Nah, they’ll all just bounce harmlessly off each other. They all need to lose some weight. Especially Barney, the pig. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/3 "2003-04-26T06:13:08Z")
The Teletubbies would win. We don’t know what they are or what they are capable of. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/4 "2003-04-26T06:14:27Z")
I just hope they all kill each other 🙂 Btw, how does a TV in one’s stomach fall under “Offensive Capacity”…?? Unless they start broadcasting BBC or something ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/5 "2003-04-26T06:16:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by green\_bladder \* > \*\*Btw, how does a TV in one’s stomach fall under “Offensive Capacity”…?? Unless they start broadcasting BBC or something \*\* Obviously, you’ve never seen the FOX network from the US. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/6 "2003-04-26T13:58:02Z")
Well, Barney was one of the monsters in ZAngband, the roguelike variant of Angband, along with “Bull Gates” and Santa Claus. (See, that’s proof of my geekitude right there.) The ZAngband Barney could shoot bolts of toxic plasma from his mouth and summon hydras. Beat _that_, Tinky Winky. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/7 "2003-04-26T14:27:01Z")
Barney speaks in complete sentences, indicating some higher-order consciousness. Would this correlate with an ability to think strategically? ---
**Author:** ![Leifsmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Leifsmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leifsmama)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/8 "2003-04-26T14:38:31Z")
Yeah, but the Teletubbies have tubby custard and tubby toast. As leathal weapons as I’ve ever seen ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/9 "2003-04-26T17:52:59Z")
We can only hope they will all die of being smothered with smarmy little hugs. If ever there was a dinosaur that desperately needed to go extinct! [fade to scene of _real_ T-rex snapping the upper torso off an obese little purple dinosaur.] ---
**Author:** ![knock\_knock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@knock\_knock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knock_knock)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/10 "2003-04-26T18:55:15Z")
The Teletubbies will beat Barney to a bloody pulp. Then they’ll all say “again, again” and do it again. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/11 "2003-04-26T19:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by green\_bladder \* > > Btw, how does a TV in one’s stomach fall under “Offensive Capacity”…?? Unless they start broadcasting BBC or something > > Obviously, you’ve never seen the FOX network from the US. Ah, but the Teletubbies are from Britain which broadcasts TV in PAL format. FOX is broadcast in NTSC so their belly telly wouldn’t be able to receive a picture. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/12 "2003-04-26T21:57:16Z")
No - you cannot let such evil beings join together - such a match would herald the Great and Dreaded Cthulhu’s coming…eh, wait a second, I AM the Great and Dreaded Cthulhu, so lets get this match started. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/13 "2003-04-26T23:31:05Z")
This thread is better suited for **Cafe Society**. I’ll move it for you. * * * **Cajun Man** ~ SDMB Moderator ---
**Author:** ![PigBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/97f17d/32.png) [@PigBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PigBoy)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/14 "2003-04-26T23:35:49Z")
I’d side with the Teletubbies here. The stomach television is a great communications advantage, and who knows what that baby in the sky, who I assume is their all-powerful god, can do. And they can match Barney’s hypnotic singing voice–I saw them do this once when they were explaining what the color green is (repetition of the word “green” while showing pictures of green things and playing some weird music in the background, and then, of course, repeating the whole sequence). Plus, the Teletubbies are ineffably frightening. I’d just run away. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/15 "2003-04-27T00:53:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kal \* > \*\*Obviously, you’ve never seen the FOX network from the US. Ah, but the Teletubbies are from Britain which broadcasts TV in PAL format. FOX is broadcast in NTSC so their belly telly wouldn’t be able to receive a picture. \*\* [/QUOTE] Yes, but they’re evil, so I’m certain they have multisystem PAL/NTSC/SECAM converters in their fuzzy heads. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/16 "2003-04-27T01:50:20Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \* > [@](#): > > \*\*Yes, but they’re evil, so I’m certain they have multisystem PAL/NTSC/SECAM converters in their fuzzy heads. \*\* Those evil bastards! ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/17 "2003-04-27T07:00:39Z")
The Teletubbies make Barney look like Plato. ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/18 "2003-04-27T07:02:12Z")
Dana Plato…that is, cause that baby in the sun has evil magical powers. ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/19 "2003-04-27T12:41:34Z")
Well, they’d both die from snuffleuppagus… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275/20 "2003-04-28T00:13:28Z")
If God is merciful, all participants will die. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/barney-the-dinosaur-vs-the-teletubbies-death-match/171275.md?page=2)