# Baron Poopy Von Poop is not pooping **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024 "2014-06-04T14:30:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/1 "2014-06-04T14:30:18Z")
. . . much. A couple of weeks ago my daughter found a stray kitten on her way home from school. It couldn’t have been more than a week old, as it was tiny and its eyes were not fully open. She said she found it right near a drain, with no sign of the mother about. With my life in a bit of turmoil right now, this was definitely not the right time to be taking on a pet, and I told her honestly that I wished she hadn’t brought it home, but I also had to tell her I was proud of her for taking compassion on a helpless creature. So, for the past 13 nights, I have been feeding kitten formula to a tiny ball of fluff; first with a medicine dropper, and now with a bottle. It’s been a test of patience, but the little critter has at last learned to drink from the bottle fairly well, and darnit but if it ain’t the cutest widdle fwuffy cwitter I ever done seen! My wife and daughter call it fluffy, but I think that is a dreadfully mundane name for a kitten. Anyway. That’s taken care of the feeding end of kitty. Now as for the other end . . . After having to clean up a considerable amount of poop shortly after kitty came into our home, I considered Christening it Baron Poopy Von Poop (much less mundane than “Fluffy”, and better than “The Count Monte Shitter”). However, since then I have come to realize that Von Poop actually doesn’t poop that well. Turns out newborn kittens tend not to excrete without external stimulation. This is normally provided by the mother licking the kitten’s anus and genitals. Or in our case, by gently massaging kitty’s nether regions. I haven’t been able to get it to do more than pee in this way, but thankfully my wife recently had better luck and with some gentle massaging under warm water, managed to get the little critter to void itself like a tube of chocolate toothpaste. (Just as I was about to take it back to the vet out of concern that it might have an obstructed bowel.) Fluffy Von Poopy is a handful (literally), but our adoration at his (?) cuteness is something that our whole family is able to share, so it’s worth it. HARK! He (?) calls me even now! \*(The vet said Fluffy Mc Constipated is probably a boy, but it’s still too early to be sure.) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/2 "2014-06-04T14:44:55Z")
What, you’re too good to lick poor lil’ kitty’s anus??! ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/3 "2014-06-04T14:51:43Z")
Or not worthy. It’s all a matter of perspective. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/4 "2014-06-04T15:01:39Z")
> [@Not\_Carlson](#): > > Fluffy Von Poopy is a handful (literally), but our adoration at his (?) cuteness is **something that our whole family is able to share** , so it’s worth it. But no sharing with us? No _PICTURES?_ Still, always good to hear of a tiny rescue. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/5 "2014-06-04T15:06:40Z")
if you don’t lick the kitten’s ass then it will be psychologically damaged for life. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/6 "2014-06-04T15:53:09Z")
> [@Not\_Carlson](#): > > .However, since then I have come to realize that Von Poop actually doesn’t poop that well. > > Turns out newborn kittens tend not to excrete without external stimulation. This is normally provided by the mother licking the kitten’s anus and genitals. No shit! ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/7 "2014-06-04T16:03:57Z")
Pics,Pics,Pics,Pics,Pics… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/8 "2014-06-04T17:01:49Z")
You should name the cat The Artist formerly known as Baron Poopy Von Poop ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/9 "2014-06-04T17:03:04Z")
Fluffy is no worse than ‘Kitty’, which is the name of the cat we inherited from our neighbor. It’s what she answers to, so we haven’t changed it. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/10 "2014-06-04T17:17:13Z")
Warm washcloths work just as well, as they simulate the roughness of mamakitteh’s tongue. ---
**Author:** ![slightly\_askew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@slightly\_askew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slightly_askew)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/11 "2014-06-04T17:27:24Z")
Ah yes, I remember the days for trying to rear the two kittens we found abandoned in our garage many years ago. I think I called them sentient, squirming, pastry bags of poo. That stage doesn’t last too long though and they grow into lazy normal cats. Good for you for taking him in. ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/12 "2014-06-04T18:18:16Z")
Try brushing them with a moistened Q-Tip (have to do the same for puppies) ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/13 "2014-06-04T18:53:15Z")
Pics, pics, pics please. Poor Fluffy the poop-less. I second the warm, wet washcloth method. I’ve used it with messy success in the distant past. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/14 "2014-06-04T19:02:03Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > What, you’re too good to lick poor lil’ kitty’s anus??! :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![PurpleClogs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@PurpleClogs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleClogs)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/15 "2014-06-04T19:11:16Z")
Just squeeze! Kidding of course 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/16 "2014-06-05T16:13:01Z")
\*\*Bobkitty \*\*and **carnut** , thanks for the tip. Wet washcloth under warm running water worked a treat. However, The Baron is currently very sniffly and sneezy and snotty, so I’d better take him to the vet again this weekend. Will post some pics just as soon as I figure out how to. (Of Kitty, that is. Not Kitty shit.) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/17 "2014-06-05T18:05:23Z")
By the way, considering where the cat was found, I think you should name it “Pipe”. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/18 "2014-06-06T14:29:57Z")
Behold his splendor! [https://db.tt/miZH5myY](https://db.tt/miZH5myY) And **Chefguy** , that’s a cute idea, but given my daughter’s description of the place she found the little guy, “Gutter” or “Storm Sewer” might be more accurate names. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/19 "2014-06-06T14:34:00Z")
> [@Not\_Carlson](#): > > “Gutter” or “Storm Sewer” might be more accurate names. I like gutter. And it can take on a new meaning when it learns to hunt. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024/20 "2014-06-06T14:44:07Z")
> [@Not\_Carlson](#): > > Behold his splendor! > > [https://db.tt/miZH5myY](https://db.tt/miZH5myY) That’s an Earth destroying asteroid strike level of cute there. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baron-poopy-von-poop-is-not-pooping/690024.md?page=2)