# Bartender Tipping Etiquette - Taking money under assumption of tip **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 6, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746 "2011-10-06T00:58:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/21 "2011-10-06T19:46:24Z")
It’s one of the reasons I rarely drink at a bar - I resent feeling obligated to tip them every second. I don’t like it anyway because bartenders really only listen to the loud shouters in the bar; you can’t ask for anything politely IME. You have to shout with everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/22 "2011-10-06T19:55:15Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > It’s one of the reasons I rarely drink at a bar - I resent feeling obligated to tip them every second. I don’t like it anyway because bartenders really only listen to the loud shouters in the bar; you can’t ask for anything politely IME. You have to shout with everyone else. Drinking in American bars takes some getting used to for a Brit, with the assumption that you will give a tip _every time you buy a drink_. A pint in London might be expensive, but at least your £4 drink costs exactly that, and you don’t have to give an extra £1 to the barman! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/23 "2011-10-06T20:01:15Z")
> [@SnakesCatLady](#): > > That is theft. When I was bartending I gave the customer their change, even if it was .25. Agreed. I tended bar for 10 years and would never have done this. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/24 "2011-10-06T20:03:49Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > Throw the pint glass at the mirror behind the bar and walk out unnoticed, is my advice. Brilliant. Then you get to spend a night in jail and maybe enjoy a free strip search before meeting the local judiciary and making a contribution to the local treasury. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/25 "2011-10-06T20:05:55Z")
He might have given you a ‘Can I keep the change?’ nod, expecting you to say something if the answer was no. Which is still not the right thing to do usually, but maybe a custom in this bar. I would have said I needed the change if it made any difference to me. But if I was planning on leaving the $1.50 anyway, and didn’t think I’d ever be returning to that bar anyway, I might not bother and just let him keep it. And if I did ask for the change back I’d probably leave it for him anyway. It’s only $1.50. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/26 "2011-10-06T20:08:42Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Brilliant. Then you get to spend a night in jail and maybe enjoy a free strip search before meeting the local judiciary and making a contribution to the local treasury. Exactly my expected result. Maybe I’m a faster runner than most beer drinkers, though! ---
**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/27 "2011-10-06T20:16:50Z")
This bartender has terrible etiquette. I would never make the assumption that change is for me, either while behind the bar or while on the floor serving tables. I always bring back change all of the change because its up to the customer what I get. Conversely, I can’t honestly think of a time where someone who was waiting on me did not bring me change. > [@Anaamika](#): > > It’s one of the reasons I rarely drink at a bar - I resent feeling obligated to tip them every second. I don’t like it anyway because bartenders really only listen to the loud shouters in the bar; you can’t ask for anything politely IME. You have to shout with everyone else. That is very regional and also dependent on the day of the week. Weekends in bars suck unless you have a pre-existing rapport with the staff. I have found that unless you are in a crazy club in Pittsburgh, you don’t really have the NYC metro area shouting issue. Austin, seems to ride the middle on this issue. I generally go to the same places here so the bar staff tends to remember you and will “find” you if possible. It helps that I understand moving in a short line all night trying to take care of everyone. It looks easier than it is. Don’t get me wrong, its not rocket science but I could hold a lot of orders in my head. If you can’t, the loudest person is going to win every time. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/28 "2011-10-06T20:50:10Z")
> [@Frosted\_Glass](#): > > It helps that I understand moving in a short line all night trying to take care of everyone. It looks easier than it is. Don’t get me wrong, its not rocket science but I could hold a lot of orders in my head. If you can’t, the loudest person is going to win every time. Thank you for that. I only spent a few weeks as a FT bartender, at most (can’t remember, really), but they don’t teach you that ess at bartending school (giant waste of money). But I’m friendly with a bunch of bartenders and they work their asses off, keeping everything in order, always doing something, even if it’s just washing glasses or remembering what that blonde with no shirt or bra just ordered and if she’s been overserved. I think it’s a tough job, basically, when it’s a crowded night. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/29 "2011-10-06T20:51:06Z")
That wasn’t a “thank you” nod. That was a “can I keep the change” nod, and since you nodded back, you did agree. Or anyway how it looks in retrospect. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/30 "2011-10-06T20:58:45Z")
I would have asked for the change, and left two cents as the tip. $1.50 seems to be too high for a $3.50 tab, unless he was doing something extraordinary for his customer. I think that I’d have tried to see the manager, too. ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/31 "2011-10-06T21:02:00Z")
My absolute pet peeve with service staff is when they ask, “Do you need change?” instead of “I’ll be right back with your change.” I work in my husband’s restaurant behind the bar, and I never assume the change is mine…even if it’s 50¢. I believe the bartender in the OP was wrong and presumptuous. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/32 "2011-10-06T22:49:01Z")
You never keep the change unless told to do so. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/33 "2011-10-06T23:22:38Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Very presumptuous on the part of the bartender, and I’d have said something then and/or complained to the manager. I agree that what the bartender did was a dick move, but it’s not something i’d go to a manager about. I’d just ask him where my change was, and make very clear that it should be the customer and not the bartender who gets to decide how much the tip will be. > [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > I’ve only ever once had a waitperson bring me less than the correct amount of change - say the tab was 18.80 and I gave him a 20, he came back with a dollar only. Needless to say, I reduced the tip by a LOT less than the 20 cents he stole. Jesus. If i paid a waiter $20 for a tab of $18.80, and he brought me back exactly $1, i don’t think my first assumption would be that he had stolen the 20c. I would more likely assume that he had dropped it or forgotten it. Who steals 20c? And i certainly wouldn’t stiff him on the tip unless i was one hundred percent sure. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/34 "2011-10-07T00:34:38Z")
It was a little rude of him to assume the 5 included the tip, and if I were a server I wouldn’t have done it. However, I think it would also be rude to make a big deal about getting your 1.50 back. I would just politely ask him next time for your change, if you plan on going back there again, to make sure that he doesn’t get presumptuous. The culture in a lot of bars tends to be that the tips are automatic when paying an amount that is just a dollar or two over of the cost of the drink, and I’m sure he didn’t mean any offense by it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/35 "2011-10-07T01:19:22Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > I would more likely assume that he had dropped it or forgotten it. Who steals 20c? I’ve been in places that don’t bother with small change, all they return is bills. Oddly enough, always in their favor. When I find that I’m in one of those places, I simply round down the tip to the next even dollar instead of rounding up and figure we’re even. ---
**Author:** ![Sami41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@Sami41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sami41)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/36 "2011-10-07T01:55:07Z")
Was your $5 bill in the well, by chance? By “well” I mean the part of the bar on the bartender’s side that’s an inch or so lower than the surface of the bar itself? The reason I ask is because way back when, when I first started tending bar, I had a couple of “old timer’s” tell me that anything in the well was mine, and anything between them and the well was theirs. Which meant, if they left cash in the well, the change was mine, but if it was just out there in front of them, they expected the change back. They also said that if they had an empty bottle or glass in the well then that meant they wanted a re-fill, but if the empty was right in front of them they didn’t. One guy told me that the entire purpose of the well being in the bar was so that, after the first round, the bartender and customer never _had to_ talk to each other. I have no idea if that’s true everywhere, or even anywhere, or just custom where I was at the time. I will say that in southern New Mexico in the 90’s that was pretty much how everyone looked at it, bartenders and customers alike. That being said, I was a bartender for about a bazillion years, and I’d always err on the side of caution. Unless it was a super-regular customer who I knew for sure wanted me to keep the change, I’d always take it back. And sooner rather than later. Edited to add: It sounds like this wasn’t a bartender you know all that well, he should have brought you your change either way. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/37 "2011-10-07T03:37:37Z")
> [@cruel\_butterfly](#): > > My absolute pet peeve with service staff is when they ask, “Do you need change?” instead of “I’ll be right back with your change.” This is so @%%^& obnoxious and I HATE HATE HATE it! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/38 "2011-10-07T04:54:32Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Not only rude, but doesn’t make sense. How did he know you weren’t going to order more drinks? Was he going to pinch out his tip each time you bought a pint? That’s just wrong. > > And I don’t understand why he should get tipped for pouring you a beer anyway. Making a mixed drink, yes. But simply hitting the tap? Why is that such a big deal that he deserves a tip? > > Not to hijack too much, but this tipping stuff is getting out of hand. There’s a self-serve frozen yogurt place near me. It’s okay; it gets bustling business because of the sheer novelty, I think. And it _is_ kind of cool. You take a cup, fill it with whatever kind of yogurt you want, add all the toppings you want, and then sidle on down to the register where the guy weighs it. Or more accurately, a machine weighs it and spits out a price on the screen. All the guy does is take your money, make change, and give you a receipt. > > So why the hell is there a giant tip jar next to the register? The customer does all the work. All the staff does is wipe down tables and work the register. Much less work than what the folks at McDonald’s do. But you see no tip jar on their counter. > > I have no problem tipping people who actually serve me. But I’m not going to drop my change into a jar just because you’re standing there with a smile. Especially since you’re getting paid already to do practically nothing. Is that cherry on top? Yummy! But yeah, I end up tipping them as well. 😕 And I agree with others that what the bartender did was theft. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/39 "2011-10-07T05:59:33Z")
If the server does not bring my change, I do ask for it. Conversely, if I am handing over bill + tip, I will say “That’s all yours!” Also, if I need dollars to tip correctly, I will ask “May I have ones?” If I don’t, it’s “I don’t need ones today.” ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746/40 "2011-10-07T07:07:08Z")
My money was not in the well. Also, it was a definite “Thanks, I’m keeping your change” nod. I think he even said, “Hey, thanks” when he was busy not giving me back my change. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bartender-tipping-etiquette-taking-money-under-assumption-of-tip/598746.md?page=3)