# Bastard shit eating maggot touching ass mask shit shit monster head fuck stapler **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 20, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095 "2000-08-20T23:10:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/21 "2000-08-21T20:36:27Z")
When I am King, there will be 300 teams in the NFL. The season will start on February 1st and last until September 30th, at which time the playoffs will begin, culminating with the SuperBowl on January 31st. Games will be played 24 hours a day, seven days a week. All channels (cable included) will be required to show every football game being played. The only time football will not be on TV is to show _ **Whose Line is it Anyway** _, but an optional picture in picture must be made available. Long live the King. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/22 "2000-08-21T20:49:02Z")
I hate professional sports on tv. I especially hate football interupting good programs like malcom and futurama. I am glad now that i watched the Marriage of Figaro that i stumbled onto on another channel. I had never seen it, it was so funny! The only thing i really cheer for in professional sports is strikes. I hope we have another this year! ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/23 "2000-08-21T20:51:33Z")
What I don’t understand is why the Super Bowl is such a big deal. I mean it’s a great chance to hang with my buds, but we all just watch for the commercials, and we do have a couple bets on the game, but those are on the outcome, and the actual game is really not as exciting… ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/24 "2000-08-21T20:52:44Z")
Now, if they played to the DEATH like in ancient Rome, it would be worth watching! ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/25 "2000-08-21T20:55:55Z")
Yep. Next weekend I get out my black cheerleader outfit and mourn the loss of my husband. Football Widow, that’s me. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/26 "2000-08-22T00:34:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homer \* > \*\*beaver flap (snip) tickle fuckers. > > –Tim \*\* The whole lot of you are beaver flap tickle fuckers!! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/27 "2000-08-22T01:44:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homer \* > \*\*There should be a Football only channel that only plays when there’s a football game. --Tim \*\* Several of them. That way, _every_ game could be on TV. Man, can you imagine the channel flippin’ then? Whoo boy…speed surfin’! Yahooo! flip(running play)flip(screen pass)flip(punt)flip(power sweep)flip(kick return)flip(interception)flip…ohgodohgodohgod_yesssssssss!_ _Whew_ Was it good for you? ---
**Author:** ![Dylan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e95f7d/32.png) [@Dylan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dylan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/28 "2000-08-22T03:22:29Z")
:: slips in quietly :: DAN MARINO IS GOD !! you gotta love a game where the pants are tight, the guys make ‘passes’ and they ‘go down’…oh…they don’t ‘go down’…those are just ‘downs’ ?? FUCKING STUPID GAME. What the hell is Malcolm in the middle? what the fuck is Futurama?? :: slips away quickly :: ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/29 "2000-08-22T14:32:45Z")
Any game where the players can run out of bounds doesn’t get my attention or respect. Hockey… now there’s a man’s sport. Played at high speed on an unforgivingly hard surface. Bone crushing body checks. Slapshots that hit 100mph. And you can’t run out of bounds. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/30 "2000-08-22T15:11:32Z")
You mean step out of bounds like the Dolphins did last night and the freaking side judge wasn’t looking at his FEET and gave them the BIG PLAY and then they SCORED A _&#% TOUCHDOWN AND WON THE (\*&#_^#\*&#\*& GAME! AAARRGGGHHH! FROTH! STOMP! ::rolls on the floor, screaming and tearing hair out:: ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/31 "2000-08-22T20:01:14Z")
Football is one of the most entertaining programs on TV. Especially if John Madden calls the game. Myron, that was a bad call, and I would be pissed too, except the Dolphins were playing GB - that makes OK! Hockey also rates right up there. Baseball should be banned from television, along with Golf. These have to be the most boring activities ever televised. (Baseball at the park is another thing). Simpsons can be video taped, and enjoyed after the game, with appropriate Homer-style comments depending on the outcome of the game. Sili ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/32 "2000-08-22T20:19:45Z")
Can’t watch the Simpsons instead, not if it’s been PRE-fucking-EMPTED!! ::head explodes:: –Tim ---
**Author:** ![Dylan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e95f7d/32.png) [@Dylan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dylan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/33 "2000-08-22T21:07:08Z")
::scrapes Tim’s brains off the floor, crazy-glues skull back together:: there you go…good as new…um…ignore that gaping hole under your ear…the dog got to that piece first…sorry ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/34 "2000-08-22T21:53:31Z")
Homer, how about satellite or digital cable - with all those chanels they must have Simpsons on one of 'em? Don’t tell me they PRE-EMPT nation wide! D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/35 "2000-08-22T22:03:20Z")
**trade** : Yep, FOX pre-empts nationwide, or at least in the timezone in which the game is occurring and probably the adjacent timezone as well. As for me, I got more entertainment out of watching the playoff of the PGA Championship than I ever got out of a single football game. I **hate** football. OTOH, I do like watching the Cleveland Browns lose game after game after game, after the financial ass-raping that was committed on the citizens of Cleveland to get that stadium built. ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/36 "2000-08-23T04:55:19Z")
And besides, Sili, since we’re near a metro area and receive broadcast channels, we’d have to pay like, $20 a month extra to get Sat broadcast channels. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/37 "2000-08-23T18:17:19Z")
> [@](#): > > trade: Yep, FOX pre-empts nationwide, or at least in the timezone in which the game is occurring and probably the adjacent timezone as well. > [@](#): > > And besides, Sili, since we’re near a metro area and receive broadcast channels, we’d have to pay like, $20 a month extra to get Sat broadcast channels. Dang. Sounds like the Simpsons need to simulcast on the web, so you can can still get your fix. But I ain’t givin’ up the NFL, man. Not for nothin’! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/38 "2000-08-24T06:18:34Z")
Sili, I’m trusting in you to develop a head-jack that broadcasts straight into the back of my eyelids. It’ll plug into my ear with a cable running into the back of my neck. It will show, and only show, constantly, Simpsons, Futurama, Malcolm In The Middle, Friends, Seinfeld, David Letterman Show, Man Show, SNL, Who’s Line Is It Anyway, Drew Carey Show, South Park, uh… I think that’s it. Oh, and occasional music video interlude. Modern rock, alt rock, stuff like that. You have two weeks. Don’t let me down. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![filthy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@filthy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filthy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/39 "2000-08-24T20:06:54Z")
If the game involves a ball, I can find better things to do than watch it. I don’t need to listen to Madden to inspire me to drink beer. It would be just fine with me if every fucking ball in the world went up on the roof and never came down. ---
**Author:** ![OESGal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecae2f/32.png) [@OESGal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OESGal)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095/40 "2000-08-24T20:52:22Z")
I’m with you Homer, I hate it when my shows get pre-empted by football…and basketball too, for that matter :mad: I like the suggestion posted here already, put football and other sports strictly on their own channel and not on regular networks. That would be infinately better for everyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bastard-shit-eating-maggot-touching-ass-mask-shit-shit-monster-head-fuck-stapler/30095.md?page=3)