# Bathroom etiquette memo re: Paper seat protectors **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 7, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306 "2001-08-07T16:23:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/41 "2001-08-09T12:50:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > > I’ll hover if I want to hover. > > So… let me get this straight… you WANT to be a skanky, unhygienic piss-spraying bitch? > > \*\* Say, that’s just a _tad_ harsh… ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/42 "2001-08-09T14:12:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Apricot \* > \*\*You know, if you leave the little tongue from the middle attached, it hangs in the water while you go. Then, when you flush, it goes down automatically. \*\* That happened to me once. My tongue just kind of wound up where it didn’t belong, and well one thing led to another and before I knew it, well there I was… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/43 "2001-08-09T14:21:09Z")
Can’t stop myself…have to say it…if the worst thing that happens to you in life is having your bare ass touch a public toilet seat that you’ve already checked and wiped down for leftovers, you’re doing pretty good in life. As someone mentioned previously, unless there’s obvious excrement on the seat, the toilet seat is the cleanest thing in a public toilet. Even urine is pretty darn clean (most urine is just about sterile - the only time there might be bacteria in urine is if you have a urinary tract infection). If you want to get worked up about something, how about the cleanliness of the money you touch when you pay for your fast food meal, then sit down and eat it with your hands without washing them? Money is one heck of a lot dirtier than toilet seats, people. (ps - For all you toilet seat coverers - better bring your own supply if you visit Western Canada; there are very few places here that supply them in the toilets.) ---
**Author:** ![Enzyme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b19c9b/32.png) [@Enzyme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enzyme)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/44 "2001-08-09T14:29:16Z")
Forgive my ignorance (being new to the whole assgasket concept) but what is this ‘tongue’ and how exactly does it work?! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/45 "2001-08-09T15:20:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > > I’ll hover if I want to hover. > > So… let me get this straight… you WANT to be a skanky, unhygienic piss-spraying bitch? > > Well, hon, maybe you think your ass is too good for a toilet seat, but your head isn’t too good for a swirly. Which you deserve. Who the hell are you to make a fucking mess of piss in the can and leave it for others to deal with? \*\* Listen _ **HON** _, at no point have I suggested that I leave piss dribbles _ **ANYWHERE** _ for someone else to clean up - I actually know that my mother doesn’t follow around after me to clean up my messes, so I clean up my own, thank you very much. > [@](#): > > \*\* > That’s just plain disgusting and juvenile. I had better manners at the age of 4, and if you’re a big enough girl to post on the SDMB you’re sure as hell big enough to use the plumbing properly. \*\* It appears to me, that you don’t have any manners _ **NOW** _. And finally: Listen up you\*\*\* FESTERING CAMEL CLIT\*\*\*, why don’t you pull your head out of your ass for a moment, and smell the fresh air? Ya know, just for a change, like? Have a nice day. Al. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/46 "2001-08-09T15:35:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enzyme \* > \*\*Forgive my ignorance (being new to the whole assgasket concept) but what is this ‘tongue’ and how exactly does it work?! \*\* _ **With Apologies to the Poetrix that IS jarbabyj** _ 1. Enter Silo of Scatology. 2. Remove Skort. 3. Remove belts, straps, buckles, hooks and ladders. 4. Glare balefully at AssGasket Delivery System. 5. Remove # 6 Clitnibblers from Cordura Nylon Pouch. 6. Grasp AssGasket with aforementioned Clitnibblers. 7. Turn gracefully even though your skort is around your ankles, resting in a pool of pissbucket effluvia. 8. Drape AssGasket over BungHole Ring using Clitnibblers. 9. Make sure to drape in the method approved by the P.I.S.S. Commission. ( Public Incontinence Suppression Service ). Allow AssGasket Tongue to rest into surface of pool of toilet water. 10. Replace Clitnibblers into Cordura Nylon Pouch, hang said Pouch on Cocksocket located on interior facing surface of door of Silo of Scatology. 11. Tense calves and thighs, lower torso and fundament. 12. Rest fundament upon AssGasket. 13. Perform various bodily functions. 14. Stand, and attempt to re-dress without having AssGasket stick to thighs as you do so. 15. Allow AssGasket to slip silently yet with a beauty and grace all it’s own into the water. 16. Flush 17. Adjust Panties with word " Thursday" stencilled across the buttocks region. Tuck in errant hairs. 18. Refix clasp on skort. 19. Exit Silo of Scatology. 20. WASH YOUR HANDS. 21. Exit Parlour of Defecatory Moments. Now, that’s not too hard to figure out, is it? 😉 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/47 "2001-08-10T01:11:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tevya \* > Clarification please. Do you have something against **all** hoverers on principle _or_ just those hoverers who don’t wipe the seat after they’ve sprinkled it. No, I have no problem with someone leaving the place as clean, if not cleaner, than they found it. But if there are hoverers that wipe up after themselves I sure as hell never met one - my experience has been that she who hovers always leaves a mess. So when someone says “I hover and don’t spray” I just don’t believe it, it contradicts my experience. And if you are going to wipe, wipe first and sit down, it’s more comfortable. Hell, I wipe before and after, just to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/48 "2001-08-10T05:32:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tevya \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > > \*\*Do you really think that when you wipe the seat you are getting every last bit of urine? You are simply replacing the drops and splatters with a thin sheen of your excretions. \*\* > > Give me a fucking break! I guarantee you would not even know if drops and splatters had been wiped up previous to your ass touching the seat. If you do know, then it isn’t really being wiped up so much as it is being spread around. \*\* So if I pissed on something you touched but wiped it up so that you couldn’t tell that would make it right? Willfully and unnecessarily creating an unhygienic mess is still wrong even if you make some half-assed attempt to wipe up the evidence. The only way it would be halfway OK would be if you used real cleaning supplies to make sure that it’s really clean, not just wiped up, but I seriously doubt you do that - in fact, from your attitude I get the impression you don’t even bother wiping up the sprinkles with toilet paper. YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT. That is why you can lift the seat up, so that guys can pee standing up without getting any on the seat. It would be wrong if I left the seat down and pissed on it, then wiped up the evidence so that the next person sits in my piss without knowing it, and it’s wrong for you to piss on the seat. If you absolutely feel the need to hover, just do what guys do to prevent seat-splashing - put the seat up before you hover. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/49 "2001-08-11T11:45:06Z")
Would ‘ **hovercraft girl** ’ be a good name for a band? Or should Neil Young redo one of his oldies: “I want to live with a hovercraft girl…” [sub]Yes, I know I just ruined that song for a bunch of you. Heh.[/sub] Seriously, **Al** , I’m not going to dump on you for your desire to hover; I’m married to an OCDer. But I have to second **Badtz Maru** : if you can hover, why don’t you raise the seat and hover directly over the commode, rather than over the seat? You could always put an assgasket (gawd, what a great word!) on the rim of the commode to protect you from incidental contact. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/50 "2001-08-11T11:49:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lunatic13 \* > **Jesus horse-fucking Christ** Is this another entry in the “What does the ‘H.’ in [Jesus H. Christ](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_033.html) stand for?” sweepstakes? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/51 "2001-08-12T04:24:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\*“I want to live with a hovercraft girl…” > > [sub]Yes, I know I just ruined that song for a bunch of you. Heh.[/sub] > \*\* Okay, RTF, you can just rock me to sleep at night from now on, ok? [sub]oh.my.god.I’m gonna have that running around my head for a month.[/sub] B. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/52 "2001-08-13T14:13:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > No, I have no problem with someone leaving the place as clean, if not cleaner, than they found it. But if there are hoverers that wipe up after themselves I sure as hell never met one - my experience has been that she who hovers always leaves a mess. How do you know? Isn’t your primary evidence of hovering the mess on the seat? If you come in and the seat is clean, how on earth would you know whether a hoverer who cleans up after herself has been in the bathroom? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/53 "2001-08-14T01:15:17Z")
If a woman comes out of the stall and I go in and sit down and that seat is cold instead of warm - that’s a hoverer. Invariably, when the seat is cold there are “leavings”. Should I ever encounter a just-used stall with a cold seat with no piss on it I’ll know I’ve found either a clean hoverer or a man with good aim in drag. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/54 "2001-08-15T01:04:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\* > But if there are hoverers that wipe up after themselves I sure as hell never met one - my experience has been that she who hovers always leaves a mess. \*\* > [@](#): > > **Should I ever encounter a just-used stall with a cold seat with no piss on it I’ll know I’ve found either a clean hoverer or a man with good aim in drag.** So, you called me a **“skanky, unhygienic piss-spraying bitch”** and **“plain disgusting and juvenile”** and suggested that I **“make a fucking mess of piss in the can and leave it for others to deal with”** and now you’ve admitted that, in fact, a clean hoverer could exist, and perhaps you just haven’t met her. May I point out, that _ **I** _ could very well be that clean hoverer, and you’ve just made a huge ass of yourself. Had I not called you a **Slimy Cunt Muscle** and a **Festering Camel Clit** I would demand an apology. However, given the circumstances, I think I will just let it go. Al. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/55 "2001-08-15T02:23:10Z")
Well that’s just fucking generous of you, Alice. Yeah, _maybe_ you’re a clean hoverer. Maybe I can slam into a brick wall at high speed and walk away uninjured. The odds are against it, however. Far as I’m concerned, she who hovers is guilty until proven innocent. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/56 "2001-08-15T02:57:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\* she who hovers is guilty until proven innocent. \*\* So what? Now you want to _ **WATCH** _ me piss? I don’t think I know you well enough for that… ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/57 "2001-08-15T09:59:11Z")
Fuck no, bitch. Read up a few posts instead of trying to come up with more unoriginal insults and you’ll know that I won’t have to watch to know if you’re hovering or not. What kind of a kinky perv asks total strangers to watch her piss anyhow? Didn’t mommy and daddy give you enough attention when you were young? Maybe, since you refuse to use the plumbing properly, we should slap a diaper on your ass so the rest of the civilized adult world needn’t deal with your piss and shit. Don’t have to worry about the short curlies - obviously you aren’t old enough to have any. I still believe people who hover mess the seat and are a skanky, low form of life. I stated that with my first post here and in an entire thread elsewhere. Did you think I was kidding? Insult me all you want, it will only confirm that opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/58 "2001-08-15T15:28:14Z")
Pulls up a chair and popcorn. Pops open a cold beer, making sure none gets on the seat. “Ten bucks on the short, blond one.” ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/59 "2001-08-15T20:12:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\*Maybe, since you refuse to use the plumbing properly, we should slap a diaper on your ass so the rest of the civilized adult world needn’t deal with your piss and shit. \*\* You’re so SWEET! I _ **LOOOOOOOOVE** _ you Broomstick. You’re my new _ **BEST FRIEND** _. Chill out would ya - its pee we’re talking about here, not assassination attempts. Perhaps a hobby would help - I hear crocheting is a good stress reliever. Al. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306/60 "2001-08-16T23:54:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > You’re so SWEET! I _ **LOOOOOOOOVE** _ you Broomstick. You’re my new _ **BEST FRIEND** _. Hey, bitch, I don’t want your friendship, I want to hear you’ve been properly toilet trained. What is the world coming to that a supposedly adult person doesn’t know how to use a toilet properly. Tell me - do you hover at home? If hovering is so fucking great why don’t you do it all the time? Or maybe you don’t want piss and shit on your home crapper, huh? > [@](#): > > Chill out would ya - its pee we’re talking about here, not assassination attempts. Perhaps a hobby would help - I hear crocheting is a good stress reliever. Yeah, yeah, yeah - the crochet and needlepoint are for days when the weather isn’t good enough for flying the airplane. But if you’re _soooooooooo_ concerned unstress all of us and **sit on the fucking toilet seat like you’re supposed to!** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bathroom-etiquette-memo-re-paper-seat-protectors/75306.md?page=4)