# Batman vs. a tightly closed jar of pickles **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 28, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910 "2003-06-28T03:05:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/41 "2003-07-01T11:57:58Z")
African or European pickles? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/42 "2003-07-02T16:28:42Z")
**Monkey** , if I had a hat, it would be off to you. That was excellent. ---
**Author:** ![Nanny\_Ogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a87d85/32.png) [@Nanny\_Ogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanny_Ogg)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/43 "2003-07-02T16:50:33Z")
Assumption is we’re talking about a jar containing briny veggies and not an ill-named Lhasa Apso… right? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/44 "2003-07-02T17:10:55Z")
**Nanny Ogg** – surely you know what happens when you assume! {Welcome to the Boards, BTW!} ---
**Author:** ![madkins007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@madkins007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madkins007)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/45 "2003-07-02T21:02:27Z")
If this was Bruce Wayne, he would just hand the jar to Alfred- if indeed, he ever touches the jar at all. So, this has got to be Batman, and obviously there is some critically important reason he has to open this jar of pickles. Now, if this was a HUGE jar of pickles and the Boy Hostage… er I mean, Boy Wonder was trapped inside, I think someone would have mentioned it by now, so it is probably a fairly normal jar. Therefore, it seems likely that the Riddler or Joker or VeggieMan left the jar behind as a vital clue ot their nefarious schemes- such as where Bat Girl is currently being held hostage. Batman carefully lifts the jar, examining it as he does so for fingerprints. He is not worried about his own of course because of his gloves. After carefully examining the exterior of the jar (the Bat Computer would tell him that the glass was made in a factory outside of Milwaukee Wisconsin, the label was printed in New York, a smudge of dirt near the seal came from the southeast corner of a construction site next door to the Gotham Bank and is contaminated with TNT purchased from eBay), he would of course attempt to open… the jar. And that is when it happens! Suddenly, the silky smooth palms of the incredible Bat Gloves get no grip. Batmans hands just spin on the lid, finding no traction. As he struggles, the jar falls to the solid rock floor of the Batcave shattering- glass, juice and pickles everywhere! As Batman steps over the to the Bat Infirmary to deal with the burning cut on his leg, liberally splashed with salty vinegar, Alfred calmy arrives to clean up the mess in his quite, professional way- wondering as he does so, why Master Bruce did not just ring him if he wanted a treat. After all, such matters as opening jars are clearly HIS balliwick. By the time Batman returns to the scene of the tragedy, whatever clues there might have been are gone. Batman sadly wonders yet again why the HE77 he has not yet bothered to implant those GPS trackers in his partners in crimefighting. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910/46 "2003-07-03T02:15:15Z")
We’re talking about [http://us.imdb.com/Name?Pickles,+Wilfred](http://us.imdb.com/Name?Pickles,+Wilfred) , right? Fortunately we have [http://oracleofbacon.org/oracle/star\_links.html](http://oracleofbacon.org/oracle/star_links.html) to help us out. It turns out they are very close! The Oracle says: Adam West has a Wilfred Pickles number of 2. Adam West was in Hardcore (1977) with Percy Herbert Percy Herbert was in Serious Charge (1959) with Wilfred Pickles Serious Charge gets a rating of 8.2, but Hardcore only 4.3. Clearly Pickles beat Batman. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-a-tightly-closed-jar-of-pickles/184910.md?page=2)