# Batman vs. Ripped-shirt Kirk **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190 "2003-09-12T13:17:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/1 "2003-09-12T13:17:49Z")
Hope this hasn’t already been done… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/2 "2003-09-12T14:22:59Z")
Kirk is an Immortal™ apparantly. (read his latest _Star Trek_ novels). So, I have to go with Kirk. You can never prepare enough for an Immortal™ ---
**Author:** ![Jay\_Belanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jay\_Belanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jay_Belanger)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/3 "2003-09-12T14:36:37Z")
I think Batman would take Kirk down. But not before Kirk talked the Bat-computer into destroying itself, of course. And Robin, with his red shirt and all, would be toast. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/4 "2003-09-12T15:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*Kirk is an Immortal™ apparantly. (read his latest _Star Trek_ novels). > > So, I have to go with Kirk. You can never prepare enough for an Immortal™ \*\* Okay, so now we’ve got Kirk vs. The Highlander. Will this require a seperate thread? ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/5 "2003-09-12T18:32:48Z")
Hmm, they both have thier own combat theme songs in their arsenal: Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh…POW! WHAM!..whah whahhhh…Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh… versus Doo doo doo doo doo DO do do doo DO! dun uh dun uh dun uh dun uh. Doo doo doo doo doo DO do do DOO DO! Tough choice… ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/6 "2003-09-12T18:41:37Z")
I think this is the hardest one yet. I’m a huge Bat Fan but how can you prepare for a guy who has the biggest streak of luck in the Universe. Once that Shirt rips you know you are finished. I give it to Kirk in 30 rounds and only after he’s made Batman realize, through a pontificating speech, the only way to solve problems is not through violence but peaceful co existence. “We are killers, but we’re not going to kill today. We choose not to Kill today!” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/7 "2003-09-12T18:41:59Z")
If kirk has a phaser, communicator and tricorder, the odds get a lot more even. Let’s not forget that Kirk can whup some _major_ @ss in H-T-H. If one on one, Batman has an edge, especially at night. But in a locked room, well lit, it’s a damn slim edge. If sidekicks are added, it becomes totally one sided, in favor of Kirk. Robin goes down _fast_, and Kirk and Spock beat the poo out of Batman. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/8 "2003-09-12T19:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kingpengvin \* > \*\*I think this is the hardest one yet. I’m a huge Bat Fan but how can you prepare for a guy who has the biggest streak of luck in the Universe. \*\* Dude, that would be Maxwell Smart. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/9 "2003-09-12T21:21:38Z")
Kirk will somehow convince Wayne to give up his Bat ways in a long, drawn out speech and thus cause the universe to implode. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/10 "2003-09-12T21:23:47Z")
Kirk sings “Mr. Tambourine Man”. Batman clutches ears in agony, wishing he is fighting Bane again. ---
**Author:** ![Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nenya_Elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/11 "2003-09-12T23:56:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jay Belanger \* > I think Batman would take Kirk down. > > But not before Kirk talked the Bat-computer into destroying itself, of course. And Robin, with his **red shirt** and all, would be toast. [/ Well, Robin at least is immediately fried, based simply on the fact that he’s wearing a red shirt. At least if we go by the rules of the Trek universe. Everyone knows that wearing a red shirt (especially if you’re a security officer as opposed to an engineering one) cuts your life expectancy to about 15% of that of a blue-shirt or even a gold-shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/12 "2003-09-13T00:20:41Z")
Wait a minute… Early-in-the-season ripped chest Kirk or Late-in-the-season-fat-bastard-with-a-gut Kirk? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/13 "2003-09-13T02:56:02Z")
Well, Ripped-shirt-Kirk has the combat advantage of his patented “Two-handed-punch”… …But I’d say what would _really_ be the determining factor is if Kirk is able to successfully seduce Batman. Considering Batman’s past history with women—and current history with women, for that matter…Catwoman AND Wonder Woman, Bruce?—I’d say Kirk has a fighting chance of success. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/14 "2003-09-13T04:41:32Z")
I see the encounter as similar to Trek’s “Gary Seven” episode, the failed pilot with Robert Lansing (I think) and Terri Garr as an alien-enhanced spy and his clueless secretary. Gary Seven was smart enough to recognize Kirk and crew as being from the future; Batman could get the same result from the Bat Computer- which would give Spock the capability to communicate with Batman through the computer, if he was prepared. Bats might even capture Kirk but Spock would appear and use logic to set things straight; whatever villain was active at the moment had the misfortune of fighting Batman, Robin, Spock, and Fed redshirts. Alternately, Kirk would pontificate for so long that Bats would just vanish between dramatic pauses. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/15 "2003-09-13T05:29:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steelerphan \* > **I see the encounter as similar to Trek’s “Gary Seven” episode, the failed pilot with Robert Lansing (I think) and Terri Garr as an alien-enhanced spy and his clueless secretary. Gary Seven was smart enough to recognize Kirk and crew as being from the future; Batman could get the same result from the Bat Computer- which would give Spock the capability to communicate with Batman through the computer, if he was prepared.** Dude, don’t you have any idea what Kirk could do to that computer? In fact, that topic is worthy of [it’s own discussion](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=211010). ---
**Author:** ![A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_wizard_song_for_thee)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/16 "2003-09-13T06:16:35Z")
Batman. …if he’s prepared with a sewing kit. Otherwise, well, once the shirt’s ripped, there’s just no stopping the Kirkurnaut… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/batman-vs-ripped-shirt-kirk/201190/17 "2003-09-13T07:50:38Z")
Kirk, of course, would score with Batgirl before getting down to the final battle.