# Battleship: The Movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2011, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294 "2011-08-03T06:37:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/41 "2011-08-04T04:36:23Z")
Personally, I think the board game _Mystery Date_ would make a fine movie, all chick flick-y and full of shopping and stuff. And whenever she gets back from one of her mega-spending sprees, the doorbell rings and the **dud** is standing there… …and then he whips out the chainsaw… ---
**Author:** ![Mekhazzio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b38774/32.png) [@Mekhazzio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mekhazzio)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/42 "2011-08-04T04:37:04Z")
A warship of any type has a wide variety of weapons on board. A single ship could have handguns, rifles, heavy machine guns, cannon, missiles of both surface to air and surface to surface variety, anti-submarine systems and a helicopter or two with its own ordnance. No single target will be engaged with “all of them”, if for no other reason than because it’s impossible. It’s a naval command as envisioned by a 5-year-old. …which, to be fair, -is- kind of the whole concept of the movie… ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/43 "2011-08-04T04:47:21Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > _Real Steel_ I think, with Hugh Jackman. The treacly heartwarming bit looks very blah, but the underlying premise of robot boxers actually sounds pretty cool. Of course no guarantee they’ll do it any justice. And from the trailer it appears to be a underdog comes good story (for the protagonist robot). When I saw the trailer for Real Steel, I assumed that it was based on Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, but the Wikipedia article on it says that it’s based on a Richard Matheson short story. I’ve heard rumors about a movie based on the Ouiji board, a remake of Clue and Risk: The Movie. And Ridley Scott is supposed to be directing Monopoly: The Movie. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/44 "2011-08-04T04:49:16Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > So I’m ignorant, what is wrong with this dialog? Leaving for now the fact that the Iowa class battleships’ main guns guns could fire different types of shells, I’ll just list the armaments on the boats post 1981 overhaul: Nine 16"/50 caliber Mark II guns Twenty 5"/38 caliber double purpose guns Four 20mm/76 cal Mk 15 Vulcan Phalanx 6-barrelled Gatling guns 32 Tomahawk cruise missles, 16 harpoon anti-ship missles And the decoys : Torpedo SLQ-25 Nixie towed torpedo decoy Anti-Air Mk 36 SRBOC chaff launcher ECM/ESM AN/SLQ-32(V) 3 ECM [source](http://home.comcast.net/~shipsoftheusn/iowa.html) That’s five different weapon systems, not including the purely defensive systems. The Captain is going to have to be a _touch_ more specific. Besides, it’s just a cheesy line. What captain says that? I’m half expecting that his next line is going to be “I want the missiles! I want the big guns! I want the little guns and every gun in between! I want officers standing on the deck, firing with their sidearms! I want the cooks throwing steak knives out the galley windows at those those tentacled bastards! Today is our Independence Day!” ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/45 "2011-08-04T04:55:33Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Pretty sneaky, sis. That’s **Connect Four**. Get your plastic grid games straight, darn it! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/46 "2011-08-04T05:02:26Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I hope we get to hear Liam Neeson say “you sunk my battleship” I hope he says it during his tear-jerking, climactic death scene. > [@Foggy](#): > > So I’m ignorant, what is wrong with this dialog? It sounds like it was written by [these guys.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_AmdvxbPT8) ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/47 "2011-08-04T05:33:15Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I saw a trailer for _Battleship_ when I went to see _Cowboys & Aliens_, and when the title of the movie came up, I swear there was a collective groan from the audience. From me too. So you’re saying that even people who are totally on board with _Cowboys & Aliens_ think that a _Battleship_ movie is ridiculous? They should play the trailer in before a more highbrow movie; it’ll give the audience nosebleeds. Unfortunately, I just checked the movie listings, and the most highbrow movie outside of the art house theatres is the new Harry Potter movie. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/48 "2011-08-04T05:45:37Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I’ve heard rumors about a movie based on the Ouiji board, a remake of Clue and Risk: The Movie. > > And Ridley Scott is supposed to be directing Monopoly: The Movie. Ouiji board movie? Witchboard. And it had at least one Sequel. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/49 "2011-08-04T05:46:40Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > So you’re saying that even people who are totally on board with _Cowboys & Aliens_ think that a _Battleship_ movie is ridiculous? Actually, I thought _Cowboys & Aliens_ was a decent flick. Good effects, a few laughs, I enjoyed myself. The audience was mostly college kids. ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/50 "2011-08-04T06:06:24Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Leaving for now the fact that the Iowa class battleships’ main guns guns could fire different types of shells, I’ll just list the armaments on the boats post 1981 overhaul: > > Nine 16"/50 caliber Mark II guns > Twenty 5"/38 caliber double purpose guns > Four 20mm/76 cal Mk 15 Vulcan Phalanx 6-barrelled Gatling guns > 32 Tomahawk cruise missles, > 16 harpoon anti-ship missles > > And the decoys : > Torpedo SLQ-25 Nixie towed torpedo decoy > Anti-Air Mk 36 SRBOC chaff launcher > ECM/ESM AN/SLQ-32(V) 3 ECM > [source](http://home.comcast.net/~shipsoftheusn/iowa.html) > That’s five different weapon systems, not including the purely defensive systems. The Captain is going to have to be a _touch_ more specific. Besides, it’s just a cheesy line. What captain says that? I’m half expecting that his next line is going to be “I want the missiles! I want the big guns! I want the little guns and every gun in between! I want officers standing on the deck, firing with their sidearms! I want the cooks throwing steak knives out the galley windows at those those tentacled bastards! Today is our Independence Day!” in the movie “the beast,” the sergeant ordered all weapons (on the t-72 MBT) fired. that included the 125mm gun, the 12.5mm machine gun, and the flamethrower. they did kill two dessert antelopes. and that was in complete darkness. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/51 "2011-08-04T06:26:44Z")
> [@mac\_bolan00](#): > > in the movie “the beast,” the sergeant ordered all weapons (on the t-72 MBT) fired. that included the 125mm gun, the 12.5mm machine gun, and the flamethrower. they did kill two dessert antelopes. and that was in complete darkness. You mean [the giant squid movie](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115109/)? Are you telling me there’s a scene with a Soviet tank against a giant squid? Fucking awesome! ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/52 "2011-08-04T06:29:56Z")
And, apparently, antelope covered in chocolate sprinkles. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/53 "2011-08-04T06:33:38Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > You mean [the giant squid movie](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115109/)? Are you telling me there’s a scene with a Soviet tank against a giant squid? Fucking awesome! If only we could get cowboys & aliens, krakens & tanks, and monkeys & guns in one place… ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/54 "2011-08-04T07:26:11Z")
you guys were too young to watch stephen baldwin movies? ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/55 "2011-08-04T08:46:02Z")
> [@mac\_bolan00](#): > > has it been 20 years since dessert storm? Now THAT’S an invasion I can support! Joe ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/56 "2011-08-04T08:56:22Z")
sheesh, ‘dessert’ twice now. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/57 "2011-08-04T09:52:10Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > So I’m ignorant, what is wrong with this dialog? It’s the high cheese factor that gets me more than anything, I can feel my arteries hardening. It’s also nonsense. I don’t know if Liam Neeson’s character is supposed to be on a battleship or cruiser when he trots out that one, but either way it’s dumb and jarring. For example, the tomahawk cruise missiles aren’t designed to hit moving targets. They need GPS co-ordinates and reconnaissance photos to direct them. > [@galen\_ubal](#): > > I won’t count this movie out until I see a bit more, stupid though it looks at this time. I suspect similar things were said about a movie based on a theme park ride. Doesn’t mean this’ll be another _Pirates_ surprise, but it’s not impossible that they could make a fun movie out of this. I wondered how long it would be before someone invoked Pirates of the Caribbean. I don’t know what the ride was like before the film was released, but I assume the basic elements were in place. Pirates + cursed treasure makes a good basis for a fun action movie. In contrast, the game of battleships brings nothing to the table. There are simply no elements that are suitable for adaption, other than the most basic idea of two fleets in conflict. “Fire the weapons” “Which weapons, sir?” “All of them.” “But sir, it isn’t our turn yet!” If you really want to make a fleet vs aliens film, why tie it to a board game involving plastic pegs? I predict there will be a couple nods to the game (the radar being jammed is a clue), and they will be groan worthy. > [@Equipoise](#): > > I’m an optimistic movie-goer. I WANT everything to be good, so I very rarely shit on a movie in advance. Some of the times I have, I’ve turned out to be wildly wrong (see: Let Me In), so I look for things to be optimistic about, such as the fact that this movie is directed by Peter Berg. That’s fair enough, it is possible it might turn out to be a passable bit of entertainment, although I’m not optimistic. However, I don’t think we are shitting on it unduly. It’s simply a dreadful concept, probably spurred by the amount of plastic Hasbro has shifted in the wake of the Transformers franchise. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/58 "2011-08-04T11:41:24Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > If only we could get cowboys & aliens, krakens & tanks, and monkeys & guns in one place… and zepplins vs pteradactyls. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/59 "2011-08-04T14:39:46Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > So you’re saying that even people who are totally on board with _Cowboys & Aliens_ think that a _Battleship_ movie is ridiculous? _Battleship_ is the movie that nobody wanted. _Cowboys & Aliens_ is the movie nobody knew they wanted. There’s a difference. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294/60 "2011-08-04T16:05:23Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > I’m an optimistic movie-goer. I WANT everything to be good, so I very rarely shit on a movie in advance. This. I love big, dumb action movies, so I’m in. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/battleship-the-movie/591294.md?page=4)