# Be an evil scriptwriter and $#!T on a beloved classic **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 23, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227 "2007-09-23T21:53:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/21 "2007-09-24T16:48:37Z")
How can you top “The Scarlet Letter” reimagined as a love story starring a sex-positive feminist and a virile preacher who makes his own rules? I mean, honestly. You could remake “The Titanic”, only this time the plucky working-class underdog hero fights off class prejudice to save the ship and avoid the iceberg, winning the girl in the process. The grateful captain promptly officiates at the wedding as the ship steams into New York harbor. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/22 "2007-09-24T17:20:33Z")
Disney gets around to re-releasing “Song of the South”; the politically correct version! I’ve got to see that one! ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/23 "2007-09-24T17:21:50Z")
How about _The Catcher in the Rye_ starring Shia LaBeouf as Holden Caulfield, the jaded teen. After being kicked out of school, he spends the weekend in New York getting drunk, getting laid and getting ready…for revenge! ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/24 "2007-09-24T17:25:11Z")
How about an unholy crossbreed of _Gone With the Wind_ and _Spartacus_: An action-packed morality tale of a series of slave uprisings on a major Southern plantation during the years 1860 - 70. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/25 "2007-09-24T17:29:45Z")
[QUOTE=TPWombat] Deep voice : "Gandhi’s back. And this time, He’s **mad**". [/QUOTE] BUFFY: Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi? (crushes his skull with a club) LILY: Gandhi? BUFFY: Well, you know, if he was really pissed off. … ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/26 "2007-09-24T20:02:57Z")
_Parisian Holiday_ - Bored with the tedious life of a twenty-first century heiress (paparazzi baiting, arranging “accidental” public displays of her privates, being arrested for DWI, etc.), a spoiled socialite flees her family mansion and hides away on a farm with a kindly blue collar family. Her reputation and future are endangered, however, when the farmer’s teenage son writes an article for his journalism class, revealing to the entire world that the heiress had spent her “lost” week playing Parcheesi, and had not slept with a single member of the household. Balance is restored in the universe when our intrepid heroin (did I misspell that? Oops!) puts on a show of her own at the next FFA exhibition. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/27 "2007-09-24T20:06:32Z")
_Bored of the Rings_ Done straight. (Hell, get Peter Jackson to do it; he’d be sure to screw it up) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/28 "2007-09-24T20:13:38Z")
_The Munsters_ Herman drinks too much wine and murders the entire Munster family in a fit of rage. _Sanford and Son_ “It’s the big one, Elizabeth!” {dies} _Mr. Ed_ Wilbur’s Wife: “Wilbur, what on Earth are you doing behind Mr. Ed with your pants down?!?” _The Brady Bunch_ It’s girls vs. boys in battle of the stepchildren. See Jan key Mike’s new Chevy convertable. See Greg gettin’ it on with Carol. Peter posts nude pictures of Marcia on the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/29 "2007-09-24T20:14:38Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] How about an unholy crossbreed of _Gone With the Wind_ and _Spartacus_: An action-packed morality tale of a series of slave uprisings on a major Southern plantation during the years 1860 - 70. [/QUOTE] _I_ am Kunta Kinte! ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/30 "2007-09-24T20:36:36Z")
The Wizard of Oz II or Death of Dorothy Unable to get back to Kansas, Dorothy is installed as Queen of Emerald City and promptly let’s the trappings of royalty go to her head. Unfortunatley, the Cowardly Lion, now a fierce and savage beast, becomes infected with rabies and eats Dorothy while on a ramage. The Tin Man saves the day by killing the Cowardly Lion with his ax. Driven mad by the act of killing his one time friend, the Tin Man throws himself off a bridge and quickly rusts into oblivion. The Scarecrow, who had been deposed as the head of state for Emerald City, is again put on the thrown but is eaten by the Horse of a Different Color during a photo op for the Emerald City Star Ledger. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/31 "2007-09-24T20:47:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Radio 4’s Week Ending did a trailer for Oliver Stone’s Gandhi II . > > All I can remember is : > > Gandhi : “The british Raj is the disease, and I am the cure!” > > machine guns, explosions, screams etc. > > Deep voice : "Gandhi’s back. And this time, He’s mad ". IIRC, Weird Al did this, too, in **UHF**. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/32 "2007-09-24T20:48:36Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] IIRC, Weird Al did this, too, in **UHF**. [/QUOTE] Not only that, but Weird Al did in the movie UHF, too. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/33 "2007-09-24T20:58:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by CalMeacham > IIRC, Weird Al did this, too, in UHF. > > Not only that, but Weird Al did in the movie UHF, too. And not only that, he did it in the movie UHF, too, too. ??? Am I missing something? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/34 "2007-09-24T21:04:06Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] Am I missing something? [/QUOTE] Post #15? (Sorry, didn’t mean to pick on you. It just struck me as one of those “‘Rio’ by Duran Duran?” moments.) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/35 "2007-09-24T21:08:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Post #15? Wasn’t there when I posted. Can’t accuse me of missing it. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/36 "2007-09-24T21:09:44Z")
[QUOTE=xnylder] [Weird Al](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On-XJw-DqWI) did it too, as part of the movie UHF. [/QUOTE] Interesting! I would have heard the Week Ending sketch sometime around 1986-1990 I think, but that doesn’t help as far as who plagiarised whom goes, since UHF was around that time too. I’m pretty certain it’s not a synapse cross-wire on my part because I clearly remember the “Oliver Stone Production” and [Cobra](http://imdb.com/title/tt0090859/) reference. Coincidence or blatant ripoff? ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/37 "2007-09-24T21:52:56Z")
Just to stick to Heinlein - how do you think they would mess with Farnham’s Freehold? You couldn’t have the black overlords with white female slave mistresses, and Farnham would probably have to lead some sort of Spartacus slave rebellion against the power instead of just going back in time. * * * Enders Game would end with a great final battle, Ender having become the greatest General of all time (and would have been recruited as a handsome teenager-played-by-a-25-year-old (and would have hot, steamy academy sex with Bean, who is now a woman.) * * * ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/38 "2007-09-24T21:56:26Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] How about _The Butter Battle Book_ as a high-budget, _Lord of the Rings_-style war epic which completely defeats the moral of the original story? It will still keep the original ending, but by glorifying war by making it look cool, the “us vs. them can only lead in both being destroyed” plot is lost in the awesomness. [/QUOTE] I think you win the thread. Add a sprinkle of annoying but marketed to the kids, possibly racially insensitive sidekick, and a dollop of CGI, and you’ve got yourself a deal. (Oh, and don’t forget the trans fat arguments that this will spark.) And **Revenant Threshold** , I think they might actually be doing that one. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/39 "2007-09-24T22:44:05Z")
An alternate ending to Casablanca. Renault turns out to be evil but is shot by Ilsa in the last minute. Then Hitler parachutes to the scene, but is killed by Sam. Rick and Ilsa get married. The end? ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227/40 "2007-09-24T23:25:56Z")
You can “improve” any movie by adding either Zombies or Daleks… or both Gone With the Wind II; Oil-Lamp Boogaloo Rhett Butler’s plantation is under attack by Zombies, so they release their defense force, steam-powered Daleks… 2 hours of nothing more than; Braaaiiinns!!! EX-TER-MI-NATE!!! Braaaiiinns!!! EX-TER-MI-NATE!!! Braaaiiinns!!! EX-TER-MI-NATE!!! Ad Infinitum You can go ahead and give me that Academy Award now 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-an-evil-scriptwriter-and-t-on-a-beloved-classic/420227.md?page=3)