# Be Graciously Declined By Esprix! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495 "2000-04-27T18:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2000, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/41 "2000-04-28T15:21:00Z")
Esprix, there is nothing you can do for me, got that? I want absolutely, positively, nothing from you. Think you can handle that? Can you give me nothing?..Fine…good…that’s right…Oh, damn it all to hell, Esprix, I crave your respect and understanding. Please! Pretty Please! I beg you! * * * Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it. * * * Relax, I’m not as Dave as I look!- A Wallified sig! ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/42 "2000-05-01T19:37:40Z")
**weirddave** : Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I can only grant _half_ of your request. Although I do respect you (in some weird, off-the-wall kind of way), I can’t say that I will ever be able to understand you. So, despite your craving, I will have to disappoint you, at least halfway. I’m terribly, terribly sorry. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![SmoothOperator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@SmoothOperator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmoothOperator)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/43 "2000-05-01T19:52:29Z")
Can you help me decide how to decorate my house? Should I go with earth colors or jewel tones? What color carpet will go good with all the rooms? ---
**Author:** ![SkySlash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@SkySlash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkySlash)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/44 "2000-05-01T21:00:18Z")
Esprix…you’re a dear…could you reccomend a reason for me to remain straight…something of the female persuasion would be nice! I just can’t seem to find one on my own that doesn’t turn into Lucifer…that and they’re just so untamable! -SS 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2000, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/45 "2000-05-01T21:07:01Z")
Esprix m’man, wanna watch Monster Truck pay-per-view on my satellite dish and then go cow-tipping with me and Michael Masterson? ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/46 "2000-05-01T21:30:20Z")
Esprix, I extend to you this invitation to join me for a cup of tea in Harvard Square, where we can laugh at all the liberals and flirt with women. ---
**Author:** ![SkySlash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@SkySlash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkySlash)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2000, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/47 "2000-05-02T13:47:58Z")
☹ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/48 "2000-05-02T14:22:08Z")
Dearest Esprix, Would you like to come to scenic Montreal and enjoy the local sights? I’ll be your tour guide and I’ll even have you, um, sleep over at my place for the duration of your stay. You’re, I mean, Montreal is gorgeous this time of year. ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/49 "2000-05-02T14:40:19Z")
Esprix, my dear. Would it be possible for you to send my husband home right now, and ensure that we will have at least 2-3 _uninterrupted_ days to be completely alone? And would you watch the kids for us (I promise you, they really are housebroken, honest! what that neighbor said was just not true, it never happened)? And, one other thing, if you don’t mind. Can you grant me the fulfillment of my deepest wish, my long-secret fantasy? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/50 "2000-05-03T15:21:33Z")
**Bast** : Unfortunately, you’ve found the one homosexual who really doesn’t have much taste in homo… er, home decor. If you’d like, I’d be happy to have my mother give you some ideas (she’s a whiz), but I, alas, will be unable to help you. I’m terribly sorry. **SkySlash** : Frankly, I can’t think of one good reason to remain straight. Women are a complete mystery, and always will be, whereas you, being a man, understand men better. So, I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to turn gay. That said, I might be able to help you out in the learning process… 😃 **Milossarian** : Under normal circumstances I would feel bad having to graciously deny you your request, but the thought of truck rallies and MM turn my stomach. So, although I’m not sorry to say it, I will have to say no to your request. **waterj2** : Although you have pegged me for a tea man, I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline your invitation. Firstly, I would never laugh at the liberals, and secondly, I would flirt with the women even less (it’s just cruel to torture them with my beauty and then leave them high and dry). So, although I do love the city of Boston, I’m going to have to say no. **matt\_mcl** : Yours might be the hardest offer of all to refuse, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to. However, when my financial situation changes and I am ready to go adventuring in new places, Montreal will be at the top of my list, and you, of course, would be my tourguide. However, for the moment, I will have to say no. **purplebear** : Must you make me turn you down twice? Alas, it is not within my pervue to send your husband home. Furthermore, I am busy enough trying to take care of my own nieces and nephews, so I don’t think I could watch the kids. And it pains me greatest to say that no, I would not be able to grant you your deepest wish and fantasy. However, I’d be ever so curious as to what that might be. 😉 Otherwise, for the moment, I’d have to say no. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/51 "2000-05-10T18:20:21Z")
Say, Esprix, you don’t mind if I bring this topic back up to the top, do you? ---
**Author:** ![Fanny\_May](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Fanny\_May](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fanny_May)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/52 "2000-05-10T18:28:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > ACK at my spelling… definitely > > * * * > > Give your children these two things: One is roots, the other, wings - Wally Wally He’s our Man > \*\* How does this refer to \*\*Be Graciously Declined By Esprix! \*\*? I’m lost! (Not the first time 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Elthia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e274bd/32.png) [@Elthia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elthia)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495/53 "2000-05-10T18:41:34Z")
Esprix, can I dress you up in an 18th century corset and do your makeup? Oh, you’d look so GOOD in a hoopdress! _evilgrin_ -Elthia [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/be-graciously-declined-by-esprix/16495.md?page=2)