# BEARS! Help keep me safe from these godless killing machines. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789 "2012-06-20T21:22:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/41 "2012-06-21T08:47:17Z")
You should be fine, although black bears are strong enough to tear open car doors. Your best bet I suppose is putting the cooler in the trunk. When I camp I usually hang my food. Keep nothing that smells interesting in your tent. Deodorant, soap, toothpaste, that shirt you used to wipe your hands with if you gut a fish etc. Oh btw this is what bear [scat](https://www.google.ca/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1131&bih=580&q=beAR+SCAT&gbv=2&oq=beAR+SCAT&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_l=img.3...1044.3562.0.3846.9.8.0.1.0.0.78.583.8.8.0...0.0.ASb_fO_qPlA) looks like. As others have mentioned blacks typically don’t attack humans, but if they do. Don’t play dead that’s for grizzlies, fight for your life. But statistically the most dangerous part of your camping trip as long as your not evil kenievel out there is going to be the drive in your car on the way to the camp site. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/42 "2012-06-21T08:59:52Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > So what is your **BEAR!** safety strategy? The classic strategy is play-action. Fake a handoff into the line to draw the safety in and send your fastest receiver downfield for a long pass. If you’re talking about _ursa americanus_, I strongly suggest that you don’t tease and yell at a sow with a pair of cubs from 15 yards away and, when she doesn’t respond, feel a growing sense of bravado and gradually move closer and closer until you’re about ten yards away and then start throwing sticks and rocks at her.☹ > [@colonial](#): > > ALL ADULT BEARS ARE DANGEROUS… Black bears are _potentially_ dangerous, with the chance of that potential being realized hovering between miniscule and none. You’re more likely to have a TREE! fall on you than be attacked by a bear. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/43 "2012-06-21T12:13:13Z")
> [@](#): > > However, as far as I can tell, bears to not follow any specific deity or religious faith, so at least one part of your description is accurate. Wait ---- so bears AREN’T Catholic? I’m reconsidering my decision not to go hiking with the Pope. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/44 "2012-06-21T13:14:52Z")
Damn. He’s figured out our Yooper plan to rid ourselves of tourists. Back to the drawing board. How do you feel about mosquitoes? Big, man-eating mosquitoes? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/45 "2012-06-21T13:41:16Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > Uh oh. I’m bringing a giant cooler with 5 days worth of food in it. My whole plan was to clean up and put everything in my car overnight. Is this a bad idea? It is a pretty “developed” campsite. (Union Bay) If there are bear-proof boxes at the campsites, I would use them instead of my car for food storage. Bears have been known to damage cars to get at food, and they don’t generally have car insurance (or, if they do, they never leave their insurance information). If there aren’t bear-proof boxes, then ask the people in charge of the campground what you should do. If they say storing stuff in your car is OK, then bears are probably uncommon enough there that it is. Grizzlies and polar bears can be described as godless (well, I don’t know of any studies of religion in bears) killing machines. Black bears can hurt you, but they won’t generally come after you unless you do something stupid. They’re more likely to break into your car or break into an improperly secured bear-proof box. The latter makes an unholy racket, often at 2 in the morning or so (bears are scofflaws when it comes to noise laws, same as they are with respect to car insurance laws), and is scary, but they’re not likely to hurt you. It’s not impossible that a black bear will hurt an adult human, but it is unlikely. Black bears aren’t always black-colored. They can be brown or blonde, but that doesn’t make them brown bears or polar bears. Brown bears and polar bears are different species (though at least brown bears and polar bears can interbreed- not sure if either can with black bears), live in different places, and have different habits. I don’t think a polar bear could live in Michigan in the summer without air conditioning if it wanted to. There have been grizzlies in Michigan after the last ice age, but not in historic times. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/46 "2012-06-21T14:06:23Z")
Ok, I have a solution for the OP: get yourself a [Karelian Bear Dog](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karelian_Bear_Dog). ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/47 "2012-06-21T14:14:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Black bears aren’t always black-colored. They can be brown or blonde, but that doesn’t make them brown bears or polar bears. They are Masters of Disguise. ---
**Author:** ![Keweenaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Keweenaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keweenaw)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/48 "2012-06-21T15:00:48Z")
I was there three weeks ago. I’ve been camping in porkies at least once a year for the last 25 years. I’ve only seen bear a handful of times. They almost always bolt the other way, usually before you even see them. We did actually see bear on three different occasions on this past trip, but that was very unusual. All were sighted from the car while we were driving. Make sure you check out the visitor’s center, its an excellent place to plan your hikes for the day. There are also park activities and group hikes that you might be interested in. > [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > I feel pretty confident about running into one in the wild. I would actually like to see one. The bear I saw in the park was near the white pine extension campground. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/49 "2012-06-21T15:25:58Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Oddly enough, there was just an NPR interview on this very subject yesterday (on “Here and Now”). I think the advice was to be loud and aggressive for black bears, but don’t move (or play dead) for grizzlies. > [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Black bears will leave you alone if you leave them alone. The only danger from a black bear would be one with cubs. Leave them alone. Black bears are the Amish of bears. > [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Defense of cubs is a brown/grizzly trait. Black bears teach cubs to climb as practically the first thing the do after leaving the den, and will screech at the cubs to climb at the first sign of threat. Dr. Rogers describes entering dens and handling the cubs with only passive distress by the sow. > > The handful of reported attacks every decade are either defensive attacks (when a bear is lured close to humans by food and then becomes defensive) or the very, very rare incidence of a truly predatory bear (about 1 in 600,000 display predatory behavior). Even brown and grizzly bears are not much more aggressive under normal circumstances (although polar bears have a well-deserved reputation for aggressiveness). Black bears are basically the ursine equivilent of gorillas; powerful, loud, and prone to shows of aggression when provoked, but almost completely harmless. > Stranger > [@Chefguy](#): > > In the bear world, however, blackies are far less unpredictable than grizzlies, and won’t normally hunt a human like both grizzlies and polar bears will. “Look, Honey! There’s a big bear charging towards me! I must (1) run, (2) charge, or (3) play dead. Which shall we do?” “What color is it: black, brown, white, or grizz?” “It’s b…arrrrrughghhhg…” ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/50 "2012-06-21T15:27:01Z")
Look, if a **BEAR!** wants you dead, there ain’t jack you can do about it. If you have your suspicions, then you might as well just dive into a wood chipper right now. You’re done. Fact. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/51 "2012-06-21T15:40:29Z")
Bears can be dangerous, and always deserve respect if you encounter them. Learn the rules of keeping a clean camp and what to if you should happen to meet up with one. But, in 30 years of hiking in bear country and having probably 10-12 encounters with black bears (no grizzlies), I’ve never felt even remotely threatened with one exception. Either the bears have run away as soon as we saw each other, or they completely ignored me and went about their business, or simply yelling got them to choose to go elsewhere. While they have the potential to be dangerous, for the most part they don’t want to have anything to do with you. The exception was a bear in the Adirondaks who was a regular camp robber. He was making the rounds of campsites and got our food hang. After chasing him away and recovering the majority of our food he hung around a while, which was a rather uncomfortable feeling, seeing his glowing eyes reflected in our headlamps. But he went away (and got the food at the Boy Scout camp up the trail). I’ve never carried bear spray or a gun. In the Daks I carry a bear canister because they are required and because they work, but I’d never carry one in the White Mountains of NH where bears aren’t that much of a problem. Yes, bears can damage cars looking for food but they rarely do, and only in areas where bears have become habituated to campers. If that’s true in the Porcupines then hopefully they already have bear boxes at the campsites. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/52 "2012-06-21T15:48:40Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > and they don’t generally have car insurance (or, if they do, they never leave their insurance information). Wouldn’t that be covered under comprehensive as an ‘Act of Godless’? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/53 "2012-06-21T17:49:45Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Ok, I have a solution for the OP: get yourself a [Karelian Bear Dog](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karelian_Bear_Dog). I’m not afraid of bears here in Pittsburgh, but I want one of those! They hunt squirrels, too, and we’ve [definitely had a problem with those](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=619816&highlight=squirrels). The Karelian Bear Dog was presumably bred to hunt brown bears, not black bears. Black bears only live in North America. Black bears are unlikely to try to come into your tent while you are sleeping, unless there is something in there that smells like food. They want your food, they don’t want to kill and eat you. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/54 "2012-06-21T18:16:34Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > “Look, Honey! There’s a big bear charging towards me! I must (1) run, (2) charge, or (3) play dead. Which shall we do?” > > “What color is it: black, brown, white, or grizz?” > > “It’s b…arrrrrughghhhg…” That’s pretty much what I was thinking. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mkecane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@mkecane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mkecane)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/55 "2012-06-21T18:19:35Z")
If a bear attacks you, the best thing to do is punch it in the nose. ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/56 "2012-06-21T20:35:24Z")
I was in the Porkies about 8-9 years ago, with a flock o’ young boy scouts on a week long backpacking trip. 30 minutes in from the trailhead on day 1, we spotted a small bear track in a muddy spot on the trail, and used that to warn the boys that there WERE bears around, and don’t get slack or lazy about hanging food and keeping anything that smells like food out of your tents, and all of that. The boys complied, and we never saw anything bear-related for the rest of the week. I seem to remember that most campsites had a place to hand a bear bag somewhere nearby. It might be 100 or 200’ down a side trail, so you’ll have to go look for it. That’s all right - I might be wrong, but it sounds like you don’t really want a bear in camp any way. One other thing - Lake of Clouds has leaches in it. If you go swimming there, check closely in all the nooks and crannies afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/57 "2012-06-21T20:43:10Z")
> [@Encinitas](#): > > Don’t forget your **BEAR!** whistle and your **BEAR!** bells. Avoid menstruating women as they are referred to as **BEAR!** bait. You might move on if you see bear scat. Bear and Javalina scat look a lot alike. Javalina scat usually has lots of rose hips in it. Bear scat often contains small bells and whistles. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/58 "2012-06-21T20:46:09Z")
> [@mkecane](#): > > If a bear attacks you, the best thing to do is punch it in the nose. Or kick it in the balls. 50% have one or more. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/59 "2012-06-21T20:54:14Z")
My girlfriend’s parents get black bears in their freakin yard in NJ. They just wander in and start doing bear stuff! > [@Encinitas](#): > > Avoid menstruating women as they are referred to as **BEAR!** bait. That’s probably wise advice anyway. They can be cranky. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789/60 "2012-06-21T20:54:56Z")
I’m thinking a bear chewing on my leg will be structurally resistant to my other leg trying to reach his balls. Bears are pretty long. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bears-help-keep-me-safe-from-these-godless-killing-machines/625789.md?page=4)