# Becoming a father **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 7, 2013, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278 "2013-03-07T10:02:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/181 "2013-03-09T11:46:28Z")
When asked I admitted to my wife that I was talking about her on the messageboards. I said some people said that she wouldn’t be very good at raising a baby (or something) and she said that people were picking on her but I said that people mainly were just criticizing me. I also said it was like therapy for me to discuss things and possibly defend me and my wife. In the end she didn’t suggest that I should stop talking about her on these messageboards… ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/182 "2013-03-09T12:57:34Z")
Pick a name out yet? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/183 "2013-03-09T14:09:45Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Pick a name out yet? I found a name generator that might help: [http://fantasynamegenerators.com/troll\_names.php#.UTtCUjdvAhU](http://fantasynamegenerators.com/troll_names.php#.UTtCUjdvAhU) (Actually, I’m kind of in agreement with \*\*OleOneEye \*\*here. And that’s frankly terrifying.) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/184 "2013-03-09T14:19:43Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I found a name generator that might help: [http://fantasynamegenerators.com/troll\_names.php#.UTtCUjdvAhU](http://fantasynamegenerators.com/troll_names.php#.UTtCUjdvAhU) > (Actually, I’m kind of in agreement with \*\*OleOneEye \*\*here. And that’s frankly terrifying.) That’s it then! Javyn if it’s a boy. Shaktila for a girl. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/185 "2013-03-09T14:38:17Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Yes… I’d just look on my iPad or listen to audio books or something to pass the time. Dude, that is NOT how being up all night with a sick kid works. They’re not just sitting there quietly while you amuse yourself. They’re puking and shitting and crying and whining and wanting a drink of water and a story and their special stuffy and and and… You’re going to be changing sheets and pajamas (yours and theirs, kids are bad for puking or shitting all over you as well as themselves), cleaning up messes, fetching and carrying and soothing and comforting and trying to coax medicine into them. And to some extent, that’s what being a parent is like all the time. Kids need something or other pretty much constantly. Other people are willing to help up, sure, but only up to a point. And the more those people having going on in their own lives and the less pleasant the help needed is, the sooner that point comes. So when your kid is shrieking bloody murder for hours on end day after day after day after _day_, your inlaws who are already raising a teenager who isn’t theirs aren’t exactly going to be falling all over themselves to come take care of the little critter. And you can count the teenager right out in that kind of situation. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/186 "2013-03-09T14:55:08Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Plungers don’t pick turds out of toilets… though they could help getting it unstuck. Right. The point of a toilet is to take the turd through the sewage system. > [@JohnClay](#): > > Double bagged it and threw it in the outside garbage can. I think with the previous one I broke it into pieces and flushed them but the toilet was taking too long to refill. Is this a broken toilet or something? > [@JohnClay](#): > > The most recent time was my wife’s and before that was probably my flatmates… So you are the official ‘turd whisperer’ at your flat? This is just a bit bizarre. I mean, I’ve come across a clogged toilet a time or two in my day, but the way to deal with them is to use the plunger and get that turd to meet it’s maker. > [@JohnClay](#): > > When asked I admitted to my wife that I was talking about her on the messageboards. I said some people said that she wouldn’t be very good at raising a baby (or something) and she said that people were picking on her but I said that people mainly were just criticizing me. I also said it was like therapy for me to discuss things and possibly defend me and my wife. In the end she didn’t suggest that I should stop talking about her on these messageboards… I think that people are ‘picking on her’ based on her choice in men. Well, outside of some of the things **you’ve** said about her… ---
**Author:** ![stolatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@stolatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolatt)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/187 "2013-03-09T14:57:00Z")
Your baby will most likely be born mentally ill or at least grow up under the influence of people who are mentally ill. So knowing the struggles you two have treating your illnesses, you’re still willing to have kids because? What if the baby is born only a three? I can see how your scale would go. “Son, you didn’t tie your shoes right the first time. Today, you’re a two.” “Son, you got an A on your test, so today you’re a 4.” Hell, have twins. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/188 "2013-03-09T15:46:09Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > The man in that picture looks like he has two mouths. That’s F’d in the A. I didn’t notice that the first time he linked to that photo; now it’s all I can see. THANKS. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/189 "2013-03-09T17:43:59Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > We could have sex while they’re awake! I’m talking about a baby in a cot next to us. While the kid is screaming bloody murder? :dubious: > [@](#): > > Yes… I’d just look on my iPad or listen to audio books or something to pass the time. That’s not the way it works. Sick babies need attention. They need to be held and rocked, and burped and sung to. You’ll need to take their temperature. Change diapers and clothes. You can’t just pay attention to your iPad, or audio books. Not unless you want puke all over it. > [@](#): > > I think it is better if she’s PREPARED to do that… then she can be pleasantly surprised if I help rather than just expect it. That’s just it. You shouldn’t be “helping”. You should be DOING. You’d be the kid’s goddamned father! She SHOULD expect it, or she’s not any better equipped to be a parent than you are! > [@](#): > > And my parents live about 30-40 minutes away… in the hypothetically situation where it is necessary for me to do it, I could! And I’d probably help even when it wasn’t absolutely necessary. It IS necessary. **You. Are. That. Kid’s. Father.** YOU should be taking care of that kid, NOT Grandma and Grandpa. THEY should be the ones helping you, “if it’s necessary”, not the other way around. Dad isn’t the babysitter. My grandparents were a big part of my life, and they were always there when I needed them, but my dad never just dumped me on them when my mother wasn’t around. > [@](#): > > When I say being devastated I mean being upset for weeks or months. It could make it very hard to trust a guy again… at the moment she is very comfortable with me and pours out a lot of love and affection. And also tells me whenever she has a disagreement with her. Earlier in the relationship she was saying she has to “guard her heart”. I think marriage is partly about compromise and Doctor Laura Schlessinger said something like the purpose of marriage is having children. I don’t fully agree but it is something I keep in mind. Then she isn’t any more suited to being a parent than you are. And “Doctor” Laura is a fucking moron. Oh, and you need to call a plumber. Toilets shouldn’t be getting so clogged you have to _manually pull shit out of them_ like that. If a plunger isn’t doing the job, or if you’re having to use it every time you take a shit, call the goddamned plumber. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/190 "2013-03-09T17:48:37Z")
The mental illness is in keeping up a charade of a different mental illness for 12 years. I ain’t buying that this is for real. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/191 "2013-03-09T18:40:16Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Oh FFS…we’re being yanked here folks. > > Stop feeding his weirdness, he might just go away. > > Please?:rolleyes: Oh what’s the harm? It passes the time in amusing fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/192 "2013-03-09T20:01:11Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > It is partly based on the banter that me and my wife have. She says things like “I love your farts”… I reply things like “even my stinky ones?” The Alqonquin Round Table, clearly. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/193 "2013-03-09T23:44:04Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Dude, that is NOT how being up all night with a sick kid works. They’re not just sitting there quietly while you amuse yourself. I think I’d be able to listen to audio books or at least music… I can multitask. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/194 "2013-03-09T23:48:46Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I think I’d be able to listen to audio books or at least music… I can multitask. You can’t possibly be for real. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/195 "2013-03-09T23:49:37Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > …That’s not the way it works. Sick babies need attention. They need to be held and rocked, and burped and sung to. You’ll need to take their temperature. Change diapers and clothes. You can’t just pay attention to your iPad, or audio books. Not unless you want puke all over it. I can use both my hands and my ears while listening to audiobooks… > [@](#): > > That’s just it. You shouldn’t be “helping”. You should be DOING. You’d be the kid’s goddamned father! She SHOULD expect it, or she’s not any better equipped to be a parent than you are! Yeah she would expect it to some degree. > [@](#): > > It IS necessary. **You. Are. That. Kid’s. Father.** YOU should be taking care of that kid, NOT Grandma and Grandpa. THEY should be the ones helping you, “if it’s necessary”, not the other way around. Dad isn’t the babysitter. My grandparents were a big part of my life, and they were always there when I needed them, but my dad never just dumped me on them when my mother wasn’t around. I said I’d look after the kid sometimes… > [@](#): > > Oh, and you need to call a plumber. Toilets shouldn’t be getting so clogged you have to _manually pull shit out of them_ like that. Well it was an amazingly huge turd. It isn’t a common problem. > [@](#): > > If a plunger isn’t doing the job, or if you’re having to use it every time you take a shit, call the goddamned plumber. Plumbers are expensive and take time to arrive. It just shows that I’m not afraid of turds (like babies produce). ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/196 "2013-03-09T23:51:24Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > You can’t possibly be for real. I might only listen to audiobooks if I had to supervise a kid for many hours very often… anyway I’d still be watching the kid with my eyes… ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/197 "2013-03-09T23:57:30Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well it was an amazingly huge turd. It isn’t a common problem. It’s not a common problem for normal people. As best I can tell you’ve wrestled with these beasts twice. Did you at least try to use the plunger or was your first instinct to take it from the bowl? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/198 "2013-03-09T23:58:23Z")
> [@stolatt](#): > > Your baby will most likely be born mentally ill or at least grow up under the influence of people who are mentally ill. So knowing the struggles you two have treating your illnesses, you’re still willing to have kids because? > What if the baby is born only a three? I can see how your scale would go. “Son, you didn’t tie your shoes right the first time. Today, you’re a two.” “Son, you got an A on your test, so today you’re a 4.” Hell, have twins. It is irrelevant how unattractive a baby is… it isn’t my wife. And I’ve only told one person that my wife is a 5. Also I heard that there should be 6 praises per 1 criticism for chlidren… and I’ve read about the 5 love languages which involve keeping their emotional tank full. Mental illnesses only usually show themselves when their a teen or later… BTW basically all my wife’s friends are mentally ill and she goes to a place where mentally ill people (and workers) hang out… i.e. though mental illness has a stigma for you, it doesn’t so much for us. I’d rather have a schizophrenic kid that one who cuts themselves. BTW we’d also discourage the kid from using pot because that often leads to schizophrenia e.g. with my wife’s brother. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/199 "2013-03-10T00:00:54Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > …Did you at least try to use the plunger or was your first instinct to take it from the bowl? I don’t have a plunger. My sink, etc, never have got blocked… BTW if it did I’d probably open up the S shaped pipe and remove the blockage. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2013, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/200 "2013-03-10T00:03:21Z")
No, I don’t think we’re being trolled. Most trolls nowadays are more likely to give out long sob stories, or outrageous tales of being disadvantaged ( **umkay** ) or whatever. People like **JohnClay** are pretty common, sadly. > [@JohnClay](#): > > I can use both my hands and my ears while listening to audiobooks… Good luck with THAT. :dubious: If you can still hear audiobooks over the sound of a teething kid, I’ll eat my hat. > [@](#): > > Yeah she would expect it to some degree. I should hope so! > [@](#): > > I said I’d look after the kid sometimes… Not “sometimes”. All the time. You’re the goddamned father, not a glorified babysitter. Don’t you think your kid is going to wonder why Mommy is doing all the work while Daddy spends all the time on the computer? A parent needs to be there 100%. You’re not getting a dog. How many times do people have to say this? NOT “SOMETIMES”. Not “WHEN NECCESSARY”. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. You’re the fucking _father_. > [@](#): > > Well it was an amazingly huge turd. It isn’t a common problem. > > Plumbers are expensive and take time to arrive. It just shows that I’m not afraid of turds (like babies produce). How are you going to afford a kid if you can’t afford a plumber? :dubious: (And buy a fucking plunger. No wonder your toilet’s always clogged. Good god, they’re like five bucks) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278.md?page=11)