# Becoming a father **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 7, 2013, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278 "2013-03-07T10:02:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/61 "2013-03-08T02:46:27Z")
Dude, whatever you do, don’t ever have a baby. Not ever. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/62 "2013-03-08T02:50:27Z")
> [@LouLou7](#): > > …Oh, and babies and toddlers are pretty cute, but they don’t stay that way for very long. Eventually those adorable babies turn into teenagers with stinky feet, body hair, hormones and bad attitudes. > > I hope I’m scaring you. I mean to… Well I don’t particularly like babies and toddlers that much but I like teenagers. They often like things like Facebook, movies, gossip, etc. At the moment I tutor my wife’s niece in maths and I find it rewarding. I’m interested in dealing with “mind games”, etc. Even though I don’t like babies and toddlers that much they would probably grow on me (I like kittens a lot though)… and I’d feel good when my wife is enjoying herself with them. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/63 "2013-03-08T02:54:18Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Yes, it is in the best interest of society (and your best interest, and your wife’s best interest if you give a shit about her at all) if you do not have a child… So making my wife feel devastated and not allowing her to have a life-long dream and possibly divorcing her even though we mostly both feel fine is in my wife’s “best interest”? She gets upset enough with theoretical problems like that I might leave her (she worries about that sometimes). She would get highly traumatized. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/64 "2013-03-08T02:56:51Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > And what’s your plan if your wife dies? Well her parents are already looking after someone’s 12 year old girl… and my wife’s brother wants to have two kids (he’s getting married in a few weeks) - they could help look after the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/65 "2013-03-08T02:57:36Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Get the vasectomy as soon as possible. Ha! I don’t know why, exactly, but I was actually looking for the “like” button when I read this post! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/66 "2013-03-08T02:58:38Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well her parents are already looking after someone’s 12 year old girl… and my wife’s brother wants to have two kids (he’s getting married in a few weeks) - they could help look after the baby. Ok. Obvious is obvious. I’m out. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/67 "2013-03-08T02:59:54Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > …It sounds like you’ve got plenty of help by relatives. Have you asked them what they would advise you? My wife’s mother thinks she should only have one kid. My wife’s brother and soon to be wife like the idea. My parents initially thought it would be a bad idea but now say that I should think very carefully about it. > [@](#): > > Are you currently living together? Would you, if she became pregnant? How would that work out? We sleep in the same bed like most married couples. > [@](#): > > Also, the fact that you’ve started with unprotected sex tells me you’ve already decided to go for it. 🙂 Also it feels better. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/68 "2013-03-08T03:00:32Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Ok. Obvious is obvious. I’m out. Hey, wait for me… ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/69 "2013-03-08T03:02:41Z")
You strike me as a guy who tries to be honest - and has issues with the lies that society tells and how other people put a spin on things. For example, your - shall we say realistic - view on love. You should develop an equally realistic view on raising a kid. You are totally screwed if you have a kid. Your kid will not bring you happiness and you are deluding yourself if you think it will or can. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you wanting to be with a low maintainence sex machine. I can see the appeal for going for the low hanging fruit - and it doesn’t sound like you are being dishonest with her. This is totally the opposite of what you are considering here. Do Not Have A Kid ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/70 "2013-03-08T03:03:46Z")
Ambivalid: I seriously want a reply to that post I directed towards you… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/71 "2013-03-08T03:07:54Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > …Your kid will not bring you happiness and you are deluding yourself if you think it will or can… I already have happiness, more or less… I sometimes dislike my job though or am in some physical pain. It is my wife who thinks a kid will bring happiness. I think it would give her a lot of happiness though it might not make her happier overall due to some problems. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/72 "2013-03-08T03:17:35Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > …You are totally screwed if you have a kid… I doubt it. We’ll see… most people on this messageboard thought the relationship with my girlfriend wouldn’t last and my marriage wouldn’t work… > [@](#): > > I don’t think there is anything wrong with you wanting to be with a low maintainence sex machine. I can see the appeal for going for the low hanging fruit - and it doesn’t sound like you are being dishonest with her. Low hanging fruit?! I think it is quite rare to find one a sex machine like that… and one that I’m attracted to - I wouldn’t be attracted to a girl that had fat in other areas as well such as the arms and face. Or a girl that didn’t have a cute face/hair. Overall she’s a 5 due to the belly but she has a cute face. Long term relationships need stability - it might be somehow possible that I could get in a relationship with “high-hanging fruit”… but that doesn’t mean I’d be content in the long term. People get used to beauty - maybe why about 50% of married people cheat. > [@](#): > > This is totally the opposite of what you are considering here. ??? I still don’t want to be dishonest when it comes to having a kid… ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/73 "2013-03-08T03:29:40Z")
I have no problem believing the relationship with your wife will work. I don’t mean low hanging fruit as an insult. And as far as the ??? goes - I mean low hanging fruit - not the honesty part. Look at the studies on kids and happiness. While it provides greater life satisfaction in some studies - there is a lot of unpleasantness there too. If you were your friend - would you really look at your situation and say “I think you should have kids”? How about if you were your wife’s friend? You can always leave your wife. She can always leave you. You don’t realistically have that option with a kid. And a kid sounds like much higher maintenance than your wife. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/74 "2013-03-08T03:43:40Z")
Have you discussed the two of you getting a mediocre dog instead? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/75 "2013-03-08T03:45:29Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Get the vasectomy as soon as possible. It’s a great present for a surprise birthday party, too. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/76 "2013-03-08T03:45:36Z")
You’ve already shown you have absolutely no respect for your wife. To raise a child in that atmosphere, would in my view, constitute emotional abuse. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/77 "2013-03-08T04:39:09Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > You’ve already shown you have absolutely no respect for your wife… I tell I love her a lot. I’m trying to give her what she wants (a kid). She felt really happy at our engagement party and she said she didn’t feel mentally unwell at all during the wedding. (She gets anxiety fairly often). I don’t think those things would be true if I had “absolutely no respect” for her. I could go on about day to day things but your statement isn’t accurate. “absolutely no” is a very black and white statement though perhaps you aren’t concerned whether you statements are accurate - perhaps you prefer to make a strong point. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/78 "2013-03-08T04:40:29Z")
> [@Beastly\_Rotter](#): > > Have you discussed the two of you getting a mediocre dog instead? I’m a cat person. I hate most dogs. Also she definitely wants a baby. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/79 "2013-03-08T04:40:51Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I tell I love her a lot. I’m trying to give her what she wants (a kid). She felt really happy at our engagement party and she said she didn’t feel mentally unwell at all during the wedding. (She gets anxiety fairly often). I don’t think those things would be true if I had “absolutely no respect” for her. I could go on about day to day things but your statement isn’t accurate. “absolutely no” is a very black and white statement though perhaps you aren’t concerned whether you statements are accurate - perhaps you prefer to make a strong point. nm ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2013, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278/80 "2013-03-08T04:50:39Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I’m a cat person. I hate most dogs. Also she definitely wants a baby. Hey, it doesn’t have to be a good dog, not one of those frou-frou show dogs or anything. Those are pretty sought after, and you don’t want to aim too high, you’d just be setting yourself for disappointment. I’m not talking a dog that you’d have to take for walks or pet or like or anything. Just an acceptable one, maybe it has low self-esteem or something, it’s been abused and is just happy to have a roof and food and not be kicked and stuff. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/becoming-a-father/652278.md?page=5)