# Bedtime Stories Read By Actors That Would Creep You Out **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788 "2005-07-02T02:46:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/41 "2005-07-03T21:01:16Z")
> [@LittleSable](#): > > Maybe you wouldn’t want Alan Rickman reading bedtime stories to children, but I wouldn’t mind him reading bedtime stories to me! **Little Birds** by Anais Nin as read by Alan Rickman. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/42 "2005-07-03T21:39:07Z")
As much as I like the **Blade** movies, I think a bedtime story read by Wesley Snipes would be more than a little creepy. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/43 "2005-07-04T01:21:39Z")
Robert “Freddy Krueger” Englund even when he isn’t playing ol’ Razorfingers, his voice has the sound of that quiet, unnasuming guy who just might happen to be a closet psycho… ---
**Author:** ![Margaret\_Drysdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/439d5e/32.png) [@Margaret\_Drysdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Margaret_Drysdale)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/44 "2005-07-05T05:36:40Z")
I had a “Claude Rains reads from the Bible” LP (not as a child, unfortunately.) ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/45 "2005-07-05T11:11:35Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > Also, no one can think of any women that belong on the list? Ok, I’m having a hard time coming up with any, myself. How about . . . Glenn Close? Bea Arthur Fran Dresher The lady from “Thow Mama From the Train” Kathleen Turner Cyndi Lauper Whoopi Goldberg Mercedes McCambridge (the voice of the possessed Regan in the Exorcist) Bette Davis ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/46 "2005-07-05T13:49:46Z")
Eartha Kitt. I’d like to join the club of pervy Snape-fanciers as well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Made\_in\_Macau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@Made\_in\_Macau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Made_in_Macau)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/47 "2005-07-05T17:06:00Z")
> [@MonkeyMule](#): > > You totaly left out the guy who got the whole conversation started man! Chritopher Walken. Man that guy could peal paint with a hard stare. Peal it and casue the wall to commit suicide by colasping on a ban full of nuns and school chirdren. > > He’s that badass You see I thought this thread related to the (in)famous item on Jonathan Ross’s long defunct tv show THe Last Resort where Walken read The 3 Little Pigs to camera in a wing-backed chairwith the story book in his lap. It scared the shit out of me and was voted pretty high up in a poll of ‘scariest things ever seen on tv’ a few years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/48 "2005-07-05T17:07:48Z")
> [@singular1](#): > > Bea Arthur > **Fran Dresher** > The lady from “Thow Mama From the Train” > Kathleen Turner > **Cyndi Lauper** > **Whoopi Goldberg** > Mercedes McCambridge (the voice of the possessed Regan in the Exorcist) > Bette Davis The ones I bolded Fran Dresher and Cyndi Lauper might sound annoying, but I don’t see how anyone could be scared by them. And what’s wrong with Whoopi Goldberg’s voice? ---
**Author:** ![Severiane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@Severiane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severiane)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/49 "2005-07-05T18:10:47Z")
> [@Made in Macau](#): > > You see I thought this thread related to the (in)famous item on Jonathan Ross’s long defunct tv show THe Last Resort where Walken read The 3 Little Pigs to camera in a wing-backed chairwith the story book in his lap. It scared the shit out of me and was voted pretty high up in a poll of ‘scariest things ever seen on tv’ a few years ago. I would vote for him too, even if I haven’t seen this show ! (french here) ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/50 "2005-07-05T20:24:50Z")
John Malkovich \<\\> ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/51 "2005-07-05T20:38:00Z")
Vincent D’Onofrio. He just wigs me out for some reason. Only thing I’ve ever really been able to watch him in is MiB. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/52 "2005-07-05T21:22:16Z")
> [@singular1](#): > > Kathleen Turner Frankly, after seeing Kathleen Turner in _Crimes of Passion_, it’s been a fantasy of mine for her to read me a “bedtime” story. "Now, just slip into this wide body. . . " ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/53 "2005-07-05T23:15:54Z")
> [@Indyellen](#): > > Vincent D’Onofrio. He just wigs me out for some reason. Only thing I’ve ever really been able to watch him in is MiB. Yeah well a Fat Vincent makes me like of Privite Piles from _Full Metal Jacket_ and a skinny vincent Is just creappy as hell in _The Cell_ THink about a few sports stars I don’t want reading to my Kids, Randy Johnson (with mullet obviously) The man is like a giant scarwcrow of gangly evilness. Also, Mo Vahun is not getting near my kids, he might eat them. John Randell makes **ME** pee my pants so could you imagine that brute reading the little engine that could. And Dekembe Mutumbo sounds like cookie monster with a live frog stuck in his neck. oh and he’s like 400 feet tall. Great choice of babysitter there I have to say :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Severiane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@Severiane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severiane)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/54 "2005-07-06T06:37:03Z")
> [@Eleanor of Aquitaine](#): > > John Malkovich \<\\> Yes, I agree with you. He can be creepy. But, as for Alan Rickman, I would be delighted to spend the evening with him 😃 ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/55 "2005-07-06T11:29:36Z")
> [@Master Control](#): > > The ones I bolded > Fran Dresher and Cyndi Lauper might sound annoying, but I don’t see how anyone could be scared by them. > And what’s wrong with Whoopi Goldberg’s voice? Well, by the time I got down to the question of women, I had forgotten the scared aspect of the OP and simply went by the thread title (and those voices would creep me out. Whoopi’s voice (and be advised, I love all three of these women) is in a bizarre register and might not be a good bedtime story voice. YMMV, of course. And **Tuckerfan** , have you _heard_ Kathleen (or Kataleeen, as she now pronounces it) lately? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Vision\_of\_Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Vision\_of\_Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vision_of_Love)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/56 "2005-07-06T17:30:10Z")
Alan Rickman! Read to me, please!!! His voice can “bewitch my mind and ensnare my senses” any time. Kiefer too. Damn. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/57 "2005-07-06T17:46:32Z")
I have a set of tales by Edgar Allen Poe read by **Vincent Price** and **Basil Rathbone** , and they’re pretty creepy. (I also have **Paul Scofield** and **Christopher Lee** , but they’re not really as creepy). But for all-out creepiness, get **T.S. Eliot** reading his own poem _The Wasteland_. I swear, he sounds like an emotionless, soulless robot reading his own stuff. Mr. Spock is cuddly and warm by comparison. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/58 "2005-07-06T18:10:27Z")
Mickey Rourke in character as Marv from Sin City… ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/59 "2005-07-06T22:34:16Z")
Wouldn’t a really nice celebrity be even creepier? Think Mr. Rogers reading Lovecraft. “Can you say ‘Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn’? I knew you could.” Or if you have a twisted sense of humor like me, really funny. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788/60 "2005-07-06T22:40:29Z")
> [@singular1](#): > > And **Tuckerfan** , have you _heard_ Kathleen (or Kataleeen, as she now pronounces it) lately? :eek: Hey, so long as she can still purr like Jessica Rabbit, it’s all good. 🆒 **rowrrbazzle** , I’d pay _real_ money for a recording of that! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bedtime-stories-read-by-actors-that-would-creep-you-out/310788.md?page=2)