# Beer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 26, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767 "2006-01-26T22:21:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/1 "2006-01-26T22:21:25Z")
- becasue one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/2 "2006-01-26T22:23:57Z")
Cliffy: Well, you see Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weakest brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers." ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/3 "2006-01-26T22:33:04Z")
You called? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/4 "2006-01-26T22:51:11Z")
Beer - It’s not just for breakfast anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/5 "2006-01-26T22:59:56Z")
I hear a little voice trapped saying “drink me.” It’s tied to it’s neck with five little friends. ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/6 "2006-01-26T23:03:30Z")
Life is too short to drink bad beer. ---
**Author:** ![Notorious\_Nik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Notorious\_Nik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorious_Nik)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/7 "2006-01-26T23:10:52Z")
My good friend Homer Simpson once said, “Beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems”. I’ve lived his advice ever since. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/8 "2006-01-26T23:13:23Z")
I have respect for Beer. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/9 "2006-01-26T23:14:01Z")
I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/10 "2006-01-26T23:20:26Z")
Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Julius\_Henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8797f3/32.png) [@Julius\_Henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Julius_Henry)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2006, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/11 "2006-01-26T23:57:24Z")
In heaven, there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/12 "2006-01-27T00:02:05Z")
O! Water cold we may pour at need down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed; but better is Beer, if drink we lack, and Water Hot poured down the back. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/13 "2006-01-27T00:03:30Z")
Beer. Because Jesus drank wine, and we all know how that worked out for him. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/14 "2006-01-27T00:06:30Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > - becasue one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine. True, but Johny Walker wisdom is well documented. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/15 "2006-01-27T00:30:19Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > True, but Johny Walker wisdom is well documented. Just don’t listen to Commie Walker’s wisdom. He is not to be trusted. Only listen to the black guy. He has the wisdom that comes with advanced age. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/16 "2006-01-27T02:46:54Z")
It is said that when you die, you’re brought before the pearly gates and shown to a barrel filled with all the beer that you’ve wasted in your lifetime. Into this barrel you’re lowered headfirst and if you drown … **SHAME ON YOU!** I’d also like to say: _Sierra Nevada is bottling their IPA!! WooHoo!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/17 "2006-01-27T03:54:16Z")
As Jack Handy said, if you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Tonight, it’s Espresso Stout and roasted veggie pizza and hockey. Mmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/18 "2006-01-27T04:13:49Z")
I have a few good reasons for drinking, and one has just entered my head: If a man does not drink while he’s living, how in the hell can he drink when he’s dead? ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/19 "2006-01-27T06:03:38Z")
There once was a man from 'round here Who drank a whole lot of bad beer He threw up chunks Which put him in funks Which made him buy lots more bad beer ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2006, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beer/341767/20 "2006-01-27T06:05:31Z")
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” ~Ernest Hemingway