# Before I close down tonight , this is for Kambucta :- **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 19, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478 "2002-04-19T07:13:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2002, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/141 "2002-05-03T23:52:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*So, how big is Engelbert’s Humper Thing? > > It’s safe to tell now. You’re among friends. \*\* BWHWHAHAHAHAHAH!!! _calming down_ You know, I can understand being REALLY thrilled about meeting a celebrity. If I were to meet, say Gregory Peck, Omar Sharif, or if they were still alive, Glenn Miller or Audrey Hepburn, I’d be really, completely star struck. However, I think your story would be better suited to [this](http://groupiecentral.com) site. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/142 "2002-05-04T02:34:00Z")
Jeez. You take off a few days for real life and look at all the fun you miss. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deeward \* > \*\*Mr. Batty; > > Oh, you are a proffesional writer are you ? If you ARE , it is my lucky day! I’ve always wanted to ask somebody like you this question: Does it not take talent to write comedy? > Thanks if you can answer! > \*\* Thanks if I can answer? It would be a fucking miracle if I could answer. What the hell are you going on about? Did you write that pathetic paragraph to be ironic and funny on purpose? Or are you a flaming nitwit who’s too big for her britches (but not for Engy’s)? At any rate try these on for size: you should have used a comma after “Mr. Batty” not a semi-colon; there’s only one “f” in “professional”; there is no need for the space between “you” and the question mark; there’s no need for the all capital “ARE” (but maybe you just don’t know coding, which prevented you from using _italics_); there is no need for the space after the “ARE” and before the comma; nice colon work, but you shouldn’t have capitalized “Does”; “Thanks if you can answer!” doesn’t really make sense and there’s really no need for an exclamation point, you probably could have just said, “Thanks for your input” or simply “Thanks.” In which case – You’re welcome. \Here’s a pre-emptive nod to Gaudere’s Rule, which I’m sure will pop up somewhere.\ Wait … wait. What the fuck am I saying. I’m sorry. I forgot about the whole obsessed fan/martyr thing. Sorry. I broke out of character there for a minute. Um … oh yeah … Humperdink’s a dick! Neener neener neener. He’s old. He’s fat and he’s always been a hack. My Devine Left Testicle has a better singing voice than he does and he wears a toupee. Take that, ya freak ya. Your turn. \Whoopee.\ ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/143 "2002-05-04T02:34:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Y’know, I’ve always thought that stars and entertainers and such who use their fame to get laid were kinda scuzzy. But that’s just me. \*\* Yeah, and I’ve always assumed that people who were stupid and groupie enough to fall for the “I’m famous, screw me please” line were truely pathetic examples of humanity just begging for a dose of the clap. But I’m pretty sure thats not just me. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/144 "2002-05-04T02:40:38Z")
Rassin-frassin \ on the brain. ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/145 "2002-05-04T02:55:59Z")
Um, I just got here, but may I advance an hypothesis? I don’t think **Deeward** is actually a woman. I think it’s a persona created by a young guy pretending to be a woman. It’s just an impression from some of the passages which strike me more like the writing in “Penthouse” letters than anything else. Or she could just be a loopizoid. Just an idea. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/146 "2002-05-04T02:58:59Z")
Whoever she is, she certainly has provided me with countless hours of entertainment for free! ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/147 "2002-05-04T03:22:20Z")
Anybody wanna hear how Martha Stewart cured my scrofula? I refuse to discuss it, as you will be unwilling to understand. But you MUST:- I MUST. No, I can’t. I can only mention a twin sister. As they [were in earlier days](http://www.marykateandashley.com/pix_to_go/solittletime/solittletime6.jpg). Lime jello isn’t just for hot tubs… ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/148 "2002-05-04T03:23:37Z")
I dunno. I’m going back to the original opinion I held in the days of the EH thread flood (sooo April 2002) - I _like_ **deeward**. He or she is fucking with our minds beautifully. This is some truly, sophisticated comedy we’ve been reading here. Mods, can we keep **deeward**? Can we? Can we? huh? We’ll look after her… an’… an’ take her for walks an’ worm her and stuff… promise! We have the annual infestation of summer holidays brats, then we had the Australian teenage dickwits. We’ve had hackers, [sub]trolls[/sub], and arseholes of various persuasions. Could they have come up with an EH fetish to share with us? I think not. The Engelbert thing is classic. **Deeward** is a much better class of ratbag. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/149 "2002-05-04T03:34:41Z")
Not every day you get to see a whole thread full of dopers strung along and played as masterfully as an orchestra. Well done, **deeward**. Dunno how long you’ll survive, mind, but well done. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/150 "2002-05-04T04:30:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\* > My Devine Left Testicle has a better singing voice than he does and he wears a toupee. > > \Whoopee.\ \*\* Why oh WHY do get this picture of Jack’s testicle sporting a toupee??? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/151 "2002-05-04T04:39:12Z")
Ferchrisakes … what the hell do you _think_ I’m talking about here? Jeez. I gotta draw pictures or something? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/152 "2002-05-04T04:43:22Z")
Yes please 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/153 "2002-05-04T04:51:32Z")
Oh, what I wouldn’t give for some ASCII talent. ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/154 "2002-05-04T05:25:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deeward \* > \*\*No, it’s not “gory”. It’s a nostalgic sobbing deep within the heart of me. > > There are two sides to this all . One, there is the serious side; full of mental anguish and bodily strife. Full of exuberance and renovation of spirit. etc. > > On the other side; there is the joyfull, rapturous, and stormy side; full of playful passion and perhaps some risqu’e. > > I stagger from frustration! \*\* Isn’t that more suitable for your own, particular . . . idiom? > [@](#): > > \*\*Even the therapeutic dose of medicine I was forced to take to stay on my feet was replaced by a new medicine that helped so much more and didn’t cause a weird dementia to grab me like a demon in the night. \*\* Are you sure? ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/155 "2002-05-04T07:45:39Z")
Well, she might not think that she’s weirdly demented, but I can tell you that, from my perspective, a weird dementia sure is very evident in her writing! ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/156 "2002-05-04T09:22:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Whoever she is, she certainly has provided me with countless hours of entertainment for free! \*\* I concur, this is the most fun I’ve had in ages. Englebert Humperdink, anti-swearing, anti-pop, delusional about writing talent - it’s going to be hard for the next troll to top this one! ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2002, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/157 "2002-05-04T09:35:50Z")
Oh, and this: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by deeward \* > \*\*It’s a nostalgic sobbing deep within the heart of me. > \*\* Is the damn funniest thing I have heard in a long time! I think I’m going to start using it in casual conversation! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/158 "2002-05-05T01:06:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Jeez. You take off a few days for real life and look at all the fun you miss. > Thanks if I can answer? It would be a fucking miracle if I could answer. > > What the hell are you going on about? Did you write that pathetic paragraph to be ironic and funny on purpose? Or are you a flaming nitwit who’s too big for her britches (but not for Engy’s)? > > At any rate try these on for size: you should have used a comma after “Mr. Batty” not a semi-colon; there’s only one “f” in “professional”; there is no need for the space between “you” and the question mark; there’s no need for the all capital “ARE” (but maybe you just don’t know coding, which prevented you from using _italics_); there is no need for the space after the “ARE” and before the comma; nice colon work, but you shouldn’t have capitalized “Does”; “Thanks if you can answer!” doesn’t really make sense and there’s really no need for an exclamation point, you probably could have just said, “Thanks for your input” or simply “Thanks.” > > In which case – You’re welcome. > > \Here’s a pre-emptive nod to Gaudere’s Rule, which I’m sure will pop up somewhere.\ > > Wait … wait. What the fuck am I saying. I’m sorry. I forgot about the whole obsessed fan/martyr thing. Sorry. I broke out of character there for a minute. > > Um … oh yeah … > > Humperdink’s a dick! Neener neener neener. He’s old. He’s fat and he’s always been a hack. **My Devine Left Testicle** has a better singing voice than he does and he wears a toupee. > > Take that, ya freak ya. > > Your turn. > \Whoopee.\ \*\* BOLDING MINE Yes Folks and this is why we love Jack Batty. This is sheer poetry. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/159 "2002-05-05T01:18:43Z")
Jeez, I guess you can’t double bold something. What I was trying to bold was the phrase\*\*My Devine Left Testicle \*\* My only question that I’m sure if I want the anwer is …what does he call the right one? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478/160 "2002-05-05T03:05:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\*My Devine Left Testicle \*\* > \*\* Band name! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-i-close-down-tonight-this-is-for-kambucta/104478.md?page=9)