# Before Toilet Paper

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092>\
**Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\
**Created:** [August 29, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092 "2005-08-29T13:44:41Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 7\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\
**Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/1 "2005-08-29T13:44:41Z")

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Oh, come now, Cecil. Your [article](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_373.html) failed to mention a classic known from at least the third grade onward (that’s where I learned it):

> [@](#):
>
> In days of old when knights were bold  
> And toilets weren’t invented,  
> They’d drop their load beside the road  
> And ride away contented.

😃 😃

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**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\
**Post date:** [August 29, 2005, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/2 "2005-08-29T14:31:48Z")

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Gee, the version _I_ learned as a kid involved a sock, with the last line: And babies were prevented. 😃

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**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/3 "2005-08-30T02:09:36Z")

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That was verse two! 😃

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**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/4 "2005-08-30T04:12:39Z")

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Sponges. No really.

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**Author:** ![ereek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@ereek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ereek)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/5 "2005-08-30T16:09:38Z")

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A previous poster pointed out a useful book on this subject. May I proffer another, most excellent tome:

Shitting Pretty: How to Stay Clean and Healthy While Traveling by Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth

I talks about the various means used worldwide to clean our collective bottoms, and useful advice for the western traveller to places where the customary means of post-evacuative cleansing are not intuitive…

cheers,

Ereek

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**Author:** ![Corporate\_Hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/65b543/32.png) [@Corporate\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corporate_Hippie)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/6 "2005-08-30T16:23:38Z")

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I wish someone would hurry and invent the three seashells.

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**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/before-toilet-paper/319092/7 "2005-08-31T17:13:06Z")

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Yet another useful book, which, BTW, begins with a short discussion of one Mr. Crapper, is [“How to Shit in the Woods.”](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0898156270/104-8466306-3823119?v=glance)  
How this applies to the OP, IDK, but I’m not exactly sure how the OP applies to the article.

While I’m at it:

_In days of old, when men were bold  
the clit not yet discovered  
The women simply pleased themselves  
and knights remained unrubbered_