# Begging to get back together... does it ever work out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957 "2008-01-18T01:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/1 "2008-01-18T01:00:12Z")
I’m sure this has come into my mind from watching some show or other, but I was thinking about how it never works out when one person in a relationship winds up cajoling, begging, or trying to convince the other not to break up, to give it another chance. Then I thought, eh, maybe it does work for some people, just never in my experience. So, ever heard of a situation where a person was convinced against his or her better judgment to stay in a relationship when, in fact, the relationship ended up working out successfully? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/2 "2008-01-18T01:06:08Z")
In my personal experience, not in the long run. However, I did know one guy who, upon finding the woman crying when he tried to dump her, ended up proposing marriage! I’ve long since lost touch with him, but as far as I know the marriage worked out fine. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/3 "2008-01-18T02:17:53Z")
IME, begging alone doesn’t work. You have to combine it with stalking. ---
**Author:** ![ignis\_glaciesque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@ignis\_glaciesque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ignis_glaciesque)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/4 "2008-01-18T03:13:52Z")
I have to agree with the chorus of those who say “not in the long run.” If you were to beg your ex back, it would probably just reconstitute all that was wrong with the previous relationship, plus a few new problems picked up along the road. Nuh-uh. Exes are exes for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/5 "2008-01-18T03:19:23Z")
No, begging does not work. A groveling apology can work. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/6 "2008-01-18T16:06:28Z")
Is this the same as me begging my wife for a little lovin’? ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/7 "2008-01-18T16:10:29Z")
If you have to beg, presumably your (ex)partner does not want you. Sounds like a recipe for a lopsided and short-lived relationship to me. Also not successful: Do not call your ex-girlfriend’s mother and ask her to make your ex get back together with you. ---
**Author:** ![Rachael\_Rage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Rachael\_Rage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachael_Rage)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/8 "2008-01-18T16:18:02Z")
A little O/T but I hear a lot about people who have been together a while, then break up, then a few weeks or months later get back together and get married (e.g., maybe, Prince William and Kate Middleton). I always wonder if this is one person getting “cold feet” about committment, then soon realizing that s/he can’t live without the other? The one couple I knew in my life who did this ended up getting divorced a few years later. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/9 "2008-01-18T16:20:52Z")
Agreed, it never works in the long run… and I speak from experience here. BTW, I’m assuming by begging we’re talking about a case of unilateral breakups that aren’t precipitated by a major offense on the part of the dumpee… the kind of breakup where one person is still very much in love and refuses to accept it’s over because they thought they did everything right. If cheating or lying or other sins are involved, then grovelling apology and promise never to repeat might work, so long as the sin is never repeated again and the partner is willing to forgive. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/10 "2008-01-18T16:53:42Z")
[QUOTE=Mahna Mahna] If cheating or lying or other sins are involved, then grovelling apology and promise never to repeat might work, so long as the sin is never repeated again and the partner is willing to forgive. [/QUOTE] Yep. That happened to a couple I knew. The husband ran off with a younger woman, then realized that he’d done a very stupid thing. He crawled back, and she took him back. Last I heard, they were very happy. In the case of the dumper just not being into the dumpee any longer, it’s over. You can’t beg yourself into building attraction. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/11 "2008-01-18T16:56:13Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] IME, begging alone doesn’t work. You have to combine it with stalking. [/QUOTE] Still, without some good old fashioned bunny boiling, it’s all for nought. ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/12 "2008-01-18T18:48:47Z")
[QUOTE=Wargamer] Is this the same as me begging my wife for a little lovin’? [/QUOTE] No, that’s called marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/13 "2008-01-18T19:11:09Z")
If the break-up was due to behavior rather than an attraction thing, then yes…it can work. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/14 "2008-01-18T19:40:56Z")
It worked for my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/15 "2008-01-18T20:31:31Z")
[QUOTE=Rachael Rage] A little O/T but I hear a lot about people who have been together a while, then break up, then a few weeks or months later get back together and get married (e.g., maybe, Prince William and Kate Middleton). I always wonder if this is one person getting “cold feet” about committment, then soon realizing that s/he can’t live without the other? The one couple I knew in my life who did this ended up getting divorced a few years later. [/QUOTE] I know a couple that did that. They went from dating to living together in the span of about two weeks. Four months later it was getting really serious and the guy apparently got cold feet and went away for the weekend with his ex-girlfriend. When his “regular” girlfriend found out, she moved back in with her mother under the condition that she not see him ever again. She couldn’t keep away, though. Less than a month later they were back together. She got pregnant Labor Day weekend. He suggested marriage. She refused to marry because of a baby, but they decided that they were headed that way in the first place (when he got cold feet) so they went for it. Her mother was not pleased and disowned her. They were married November 6th and have stayed that way for 31yrs so far. But as far as I know, there was no begging involved. ---
**Author:** ![Red1980](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@Red1980](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red1980)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/16 "2008-01-19T03:10:35Z")
Wow… begging to get back together. I could not see myself doing something like that. If I have to go that far, then it’s probably not worth it. I could also never swallow my pride like that. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/17 "2008-01-19T03:54:27Z")
[QUOTE=butler1850] > [@Wargamer](#): > > Is this the same as me begging my wife for a little lovin’? No, that’s called marriage. [/QUOTE] No, it’s called foreplay. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/18 "2008-01-19T04:12:47Z")
As many have already said, it depends on the reason for breaking up. A deal-breaking behavior can be modified, if attraction and desire still exist, and it can work out if the badly behaving partner actually changes. My SO and I very nearly broke up over this sort of thing, but she convinced me the behavior would not happen again, so I gave her another chance, which I’m very glad for nearly two years later. If the attraction itself has waned, well, you’re kinda SOL. Never heard of anyone falling out of love and back in it with the same person. ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/19 "2008-01-19T04:36:47Z")
I think begging during or directly after the breakup is pretty much futile, but perhaps when months have passed by it can work. For me, it was a mutual breakup that I could have undone but I was determined not to get back together. About a year later, I realized I had been a dumbass, and I wanted my man back, dammit. After a bit of begging and convincing etc., we got back together and have been for the past year, very happily. But on the other hand, this inspired a friend to do the same with her ex-boyfriend, and she was completely unsuccessful, so I don’t think my experience was typical. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2008, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957/20 "2008-01-19T05:00:42Z")
[QUOTE=nevermore] A deal-breaking behavior can be modified, if attraction and desire still exist, and it can work out if the badly behaving partner actually changes. [/QUOTE] I guess I don’t believe anyone really changes. They say they will, they do for a little while, but if you’re asking them to alter something inherent about themselves, it’s a mug’s game. In the immortal words of Stevie Nicks, “The sea changes color, but the sea does not change.” Obviously YMMV. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/begging-to-get-back-together-does-it-ever-work-out/433957.md?page=2)