# Behave now, kids. And don't touch the stereo!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 6, 2001, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422 "2001-07-06T00:52:33Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 12

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/221 "2001-07-10T01:35:54Z")

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Well, we’ve got a roaring fire in the middle of the living room. Truly, there is only one thing to do.

And I’m just drunk enough to do it.

\<strips off clothes, begins dancing naked around the bonfire in a ceremonial rain dance\>

If I could only find a version of these moves that applied to liquor, we’d be set.

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**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/222 "2001-07-10T01:37:45Z")

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_Wide Eyes_ Ohhhhh… FIRE!!! _walks hypnoticly toward the fire_

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**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/223 "2001-07-10T01:54:35Z")

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Right, starkers it is, then.

:: Starts taking down his shorts ::

Umm, y’know, Arden, I am actually kinda bashful. I, ah… really aint used to solo nekkidness. I do hope you’ll join me amongst the quivering greenness.

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**Author:** ![MIKE\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MIKE\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MIKE_P)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/224 "2001-07-10T03:26:44Z")

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OH MY GOD!:eek: THE CHIA FLOOR IS ON FIRE!

Heh,huh,huhheh,huh FIRE!!,huh,heh,huh,huheh

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/225 "2001-07-10T03:33:23Z")

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“Hej! Fire! It calls to my Green heart.”

**Sunspace** carefully sets his rather pungent hiking boots aside in a corner, rips off the rest of his travel-stained clothing, sets it and his pack with the boots, and starts dancing around the fire with **Arden** , **Tygr** , **Jester** and **Whammo**.

Suddenly he shouts, “How are we going to get some freakin’ atmosphere around here with those lights on!?”, ducks away to his backpack and pulls out two ball-bearings and a slingshot.

He looks up and grins. “…And don’t ask how I got these through Customs.” He takes aim at two lights, shattering them and bringing some welcome dimness to the living room. “There. Much more Pagan.”

He resumes dancing, and starts to sing loudly offkey in an unfamiliar language.

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/226 "2001-07-10T03:39:46Z")

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“Ow! Fek’! The freaking _carpet_ is on fire!” **Sunspace** dances back to the corner, pauses to put his boots back on, and starts to dance around the room.

Someone else yells in a perfect Monty Python accent, “It’s just a _little_ one.”

“Yeah, well someone’s gotta take care of it, and I haven’t paused since the morning.” He takes aim…

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**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/227 "2001-07-10T03:42:55Z")

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\<long since naked, **thinkexhibitionist** strolls toward the fire and begins grilling some pork chops, burgers and hot dogs\>

Good thing I can’t get _singed_ 😃

Did someone say something about dancing?

\<extending a hand to the nearest Doperette\>

“Shall we dance? A tango, I think.”

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/228 "2001-07-10T03:48:19Z")

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:::Persephone smears mustard, ketchup, and relish all over her body in ancient ritual fashion:::

I feel so…free.

:::spears a weenie with a stick:::

Oh look! A Magic Weenie Wand! Wheeeeeeee!

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**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/229 "2001-07-10T04:23:23Z")

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Ok, **thinksnow** , but my tango’s a bit rusty. Try not to hurt yourself on the rose between my teeth.

Uh. The rose is supposed to go in your _teeth_, hun. Isn’t it uncomfortable there?

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**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/230 "2001-07-10T04:23:53Z")

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OK, who’s doing the summoning, now ?

[sub]and can you make sure that whatever you summon brings its own booze ? We’re running a little short here ?[/sub]

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**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/231 "2001-07-10T04:32:09Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Persephone \*  
> \*\*:::Persephone smears mustard, ketchup, and relish all over her body in ancient ritual fashion:::
> 
> I feel so…free.
> 
> :::spears a weenie with a stick:::
> 
> Oh look! A Magic Weenie Wand! Wheeeeeeee! \*\*

If THIS is being a PEGAN, I FORSAKE my GOD!!! Whooooopie!!! _dances around, lathering with condements_

[sub]Jesus if you’re reading this, that was just a joke, I don’t mean that, but you knew that.[/sub]

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**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/232 "2001-07-10T04:55:03Z")

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Whew…thanks **Arden**. I feel much better now…wait! Where’d she go?

Oh…over there with **Tygr** in the Jell-o-tub. Hmmm…

Oh, well. Since everyone else is getting into the whole “Lord of the Flies” spirit (minus the pig-spearing and bloodlust), I guess it’s OK if I strip down too…

**Persephone**!! Is that _relish_?

[sub]Dill or sweet?[/sub] 😃

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/233 "2001-07-10T05:03:15Z")

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“Er, well actually **Whammo** , you don’t have to forsake anything… [sub](moment of lucid thought) I hope I don’t get into trouble with this[/sub] …but that’s your affair.”

**Sunspace** pauses and realises he’s a little hungry and thirsty. He dances over towards **Persephone** and says something that ends with, “…and I bow to your beauty.”

He bows, still in motion.

“Would you be kind enough to hand me a…”

Suddenly his expression changes as he sees the weiner speared on a twig from the oak tree. ::wince::

“…one of those sticks?”

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**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/234 "2001-07-10T05:25:37Z")

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-snags a few jello shots before stripping and joining the dance around the fire- I feel so so… carefree all of a sudden! -jumps in startlement when a demon appears before her- Uhh hey… d’you bring liquor like I was asking? -grins when he holds it up- Alright! Hey peeps I got more alkehol here! -starts handing out bottles before snagging a couple and scooting to a nice warm spot not too close to the bonfire- Hey can someone roast me something to eat? I don’t know if I can stand too close to the fire to cook something without _ahem_ roasting something else.

Oh Iguana Boy… I don’t think sheep care for the sacrament of marriage. I mean look at how faithful they really are! They wander off at any chance they get. Just have you fun without the priests… besides I don’t know if he’d like to join in.

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**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/235 "2001-07-10T05:42:30Z")

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What fun is dancing Skyclad around a fire without homemade strawberry mead?  
Everybody feel free to grab a mason jar, but be carefull, I am not sure how strong this stuff is.

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/236 "2001-07-10T06:00:21Z")

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“Cool! Mead! I’ve never had _mead_ before… Thank you!”

**Sunspace** takes a jar of mead and drinks. He slows down and looks towards the couch. At that moment, someone else drops into it, and the couch makes a clearly-audible _squelch_ing noise.

“Oh man, I am _not_ looking under those cushions…”

He moves back towards the firelit dancers.

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/237 "2001-07-10T13:59:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \<long since naked, **thinkexhibitionist**

Why does this not surprise me? 😉

**Bunny** , hypnotized by the fire and the dancing bevy of flesh, pulls off her dress and walks towards the fire.

Brr, I’m cold. Can you tell?

:warms her fanny then turns around:  
Ahhh, that’s better. Hey **Pers** , toss me that mustard. I’m lacking in the decoration department. Hmm, I can’t seem to get my back decorated. Help, please.

:takes a big gulp of strawberry mead, a small portion of which she promptly spills on her toes:

Oh, I’m sorry about the spillage. I seem to have a problem with that!

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/238 "2001-07-10T15:33:18Z")

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Dude! I started a pagan ritual! Now THAT is something to be proud of!

But, guys? I just noticed…in addition to torching Coldie’s house, I think we pretty much burned down his entire neighborhood, too…

So you know what that means…

Total destruction! Whoo! Everybody do a shot!

\<takes a swig of mead\>

Whooooo! Thash shum good shtuf…  
\<collapses in a heap\>

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**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/239 "2001-07-10T16:24:31Z")

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Hey, **BunnyGirl**? You spill some mead as the cup leaves your mouth and expect us to believe that the first place it lands is your feet?

Well, if that’s what you say, I guess you’ll find a willing fetishist ready to lick the spillage from your tootsies. But may I suggest that if you want it licked up, there’s other places you can spill onto that I guarantee will net you a fervent volunteer tongue-bath…

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**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\
**Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behave-now-kids-and-dont-touch-the-stereo/71422/240 "2001-07-10T16:47:12Z")

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:: peeks out of other room ::

Strawberry Mead? Pagan rituals? Never had either. Sounds like fun.

:: drags a heavily-bandaged Astroboy out of other room and sets him up in comfy armchair (at least one that hasn’t been burned or vomited on) ::

What’n the hell happened to the carpet? Got a little singed, eh?

:: joins in the dancing ::

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