# Behold, Jester, Killer of Threads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178 "2000-08-29T13:52:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/181 "2000-09-05T16:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*… all for naught. \*\* Never. I see you in a completely different light now. There is a nobility around your eyes, a stern resolve in the line of your mouth, an inner strength in the set of your shoulders. You…you are very possibly on your way towards becoming a thread god. There has to be some sort of honor for a man like you, willing to descend into the very bowels of the thread. _sniff_ And I was there to see it. I’m so touched… ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/182 "2000-09-05T17:10:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > **Has anyone stopped to consider that this thread may actually be stronger than any of us? It seems to have killed off a few Dopers at this point when we weren’t looking. _Tymp_, KneadtoKnow, Trion, and the others … we hardly knew ye.** Ha! It takes more than a Bonobo chimp, a fleet of toy sailboats and a can of Spam to kill the Great and Mighty **Tymp** , Master Of All Things Damp And Astringent! Nice try, though, _Evil Thread_. I will triumph! You will die, Thread. This I decree! Let no petulant poster of possessed pixel peccancy rise up in defiance! ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/183 "2000-09-05T18:01:38Z")
Thank you for the kind words, struuter. I was wondering when someone would notice my shoulders. But thread god? Sadly, no. Now, if I’d succeeded in my internal attack, I’d modestly accept that mantle. As it is, I’m just frustrated. And Tymp! Great to see you back, you alliterative animal, you. Unfortunately for all of us, the thread seems to be stronger than ever. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/184 "2000-09-05T18:40:57Z")
I’ve just noticed something, studying this thread. And most likely I’m not the first to see it. Anybody else notice how brave and intelligent the men posting are? Gracious! I’m not just saying that. Even if I were, and I’m not, it’s still true. Smart, funny, courageous. Sweet thread eternal, but a nice group. I just feel so safe here, so protected by…_mouth drops in horrified awe_…No! Back! Back, I say! Oh…oh no…it can’t be! The thread is…is going on FIVE PAGES! _grabs folding chair and swings at thread’s massive, scaley, pock-marked, pus-oozing head with gaping maw and pointy fangy things and great lolling, dripping tongue poking out_ Uh…okay…nice thread…nice thread…somebody? This thing looks HUNGRY…_cringes in the looming shadow of the thread’s towering form_ ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/185 "2000-09-05T19:00:40Z")
Ohmigod! Struuter! are you OK? You should be more careful…threads like this are mean-tempered things. Perhaps if we just keep feeding it, it’ll just get too huge to support it’s own blubbery huge-ness. C’mon everyone! **Feed the thread! Feed the thread! Feed the thread! Feed the thread!** ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/186 "2000-09-05T19:01:38Z")
Yo, thread! Over here! Get away from her! I’m the one who gave you indigestion for three days! ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/187 "2000-09-05T19:09:51Z")
You know…the funniest thing just happened. There I was, staring into the black of its mouth, and my entire life on this board flashed before my eyes. I was really afraid there for a minute that this was the end for me. Shama, Sauron–thank you. I owe you my life. If I can ever repay you… ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/188 "2000-09-05T19:12:36Z")
Aw, shucks, ma’am, ‘tweren’t nothin’. One hint – if it does swallow you, grab the uvula and hold on tight. It seems to be sensitive there, and maybe it would sick you back up again. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/189 "2000-09-05T19:18:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Aw, shucks, ma’am, ‘tweren’t nothin’. > > One hint – if it does swallow you, grab the uvula and hold on tight. It seems to be sensitive there, and maybe it would sick you back up again. \*\* Uvula. _giggle_ That always sounds so dirty. Well, I have no intention of getting anywhere close to that thing again. Blech. Sauron, would you mind terribly if I just stood here for a little while? _steps gingerly behind him, peeking around to keep an eye on thread_ ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/190 "2000-09-05T19:19:01Z")
weren’t nuthin’ I wouldn’t do for any ol’ fellow doper. Glad you’re OK. You didn’t happen to bring us any food today, did you? I’m getting hungry. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/191 "2000-09-05T19:23:30Z")
Though I grow weary from the battling of this beast, I press on. For certain, I cannot go to my grave knowing that my children and my children’s children will speak of me as **Tymp** , abandoner of sworn duty to crush and kill all demon threads. Surely I cannot let this devil live on to torment my descendants with its ungodly persistence. No. I have trained my heart and mind. I have honed my keyboard blade. I will make epoch war with these bedeviled electrons to the bitter end. Only one of us will survive in the legends of men yet to be born, _and it will not be you, devil thread! Enguard, fiendish villain!_ ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/192 "2000-09-05T19:28:56Z")
Food? I ALWAYS have food. Whaddya want? Fruit? Crackers and cheese? You fire up the grill and I’ll marinate the steaks–I AM from Nebraska, after all. 😉 Got some cheese cake. Or vanilla wafers. I need some coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/193 "2000-09-05T19:33:22Z")
Ahh! I take a wound by **struuter’s** thread strengthening hand. No matter. I fight on! ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/194 "2000-09-05T19:34:31Z")
I like this thread! ::pets the thread:: good thread. don’t let those scary people over there bother you. Why don’t you go head and eat one of them thready? ::maniacal laughter:: ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/195 "2000-09-05T19:36:41Z")
::mouth watering:: mmmm…you’re making me drool over here! I’ll take some cheese and crackers please. and some apples too. **tymp!** Watch out for it’s tail! it’s trying to get you from behind! ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/196 "2000-09-05T19:42:26Z")
Not just the tail … watch out for the behind, too. It has surprising offensive capabilities. Uh, struuter, I appreciate the compliment of you guarding my back, but do you have to push me toward it?! ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/197 "2000-09-05T19:46:25Z")
And now trash talkin’, traitorous squirrels!? Will my torment never cease? This demonic thread wields an infinite arsenal of unheard of weaponry. Sill, I am honor bound to fight on against the treacherous beast. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/198 "2000-09-05T19:54:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tymp \* > \*\*Ahh! I take a wound by **struuter’s** thread strengthening hand. No matter. I fight on! \*\* NO! I have done this to you? _drops to her knees, shaking her fist heavenward_ As Bob is my witless, I will never harm him again! Wait…_looks at Tymp’s wound_ That’s an old paper cut. I didn’t do that. Looks like it hurts though. {{smooch}} There. Better? ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/199 "2000-09-05T20:00:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\* > Uh, struuter, I appreciate the compliment of you guarding my back, but do you have to push me toward it?! \*\* Well I like THAT. As if I’d do that to you. What do you all take me for? I mean, I don’t really want to kill this thing. I mean…sure, I’d like to be there when it dies, but that’s just 'cause it nearly gobbled me up. I just want to be here to see its final moments. Like I’d PUSH you…_sniff_ Nevermind. I’ll go stand over here by Shama. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/200 "2000-09-05T20:01:20Z")
Now even the beast’s mother, lovingly known as the SDMB, in her maternal protectiveness of her spawn, has turned against me! She slows the blows against my foes! [sub]p.s. Thanks, **struuter**! It was all just a play for attention and the weaseling of a smooch anyway.[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=11)