# Behold, Jester, Killer of Threads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178 "2000-08-29T13:52:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/41 "2000-08-30T17:39:59Z")
Alright, people, I’ve got it. The perfect idea. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. All of us are gathered here because we’re in need of support for our thread kiling, no? WELL, I’ve got a solution for that, and a nifty game. It’s pretty simple, and has been alluded to already, but I’ll make it official. How do you win? Easy. You kill the thread. Dead. Muerte. Over. He or she who completely kills this thread recieves the cherished title of “Official Killer of Threads,” to be revered by all of us competitors, and feared by all others. The rules? Anything goes. Just keep it alive till you’re sure that you’re the last poster. God knows it’ll also help our self-esteem to have to WORK to kill a thread. Oh, and no moderators using your delete button. That’s not nice. \ Yeah, you two just keep it up. Provides a challenge for the rest of us. I hereby announce the beginnning of the UNKILLABLE THREAD CHALLENGE 2000! Bang. ---
**Author:** ![Yankee\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7ea924/32.png) [@Yankee\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yankee_Blue)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/42 "2000-08-30T17:40:51Z")
**breaks open smoking thread killer shotgun and reloads** I have a couple brace of these suckers in my game bag all ready. Think I’ll try for another… ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/43 "2000-08-30T18:09:01Z")
Challenge? Okay, Jester. Count me in. I’m yer girl. We’ll have this puppy at six pages in no time. _wink_ ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/44 "2000-08-30T18:23:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > **Oh, and no moderators using your delete button.** Telling the mods what they can and cannot do? That’s a surefire way to witness a killing. ---
**Author:** ![Zaphod\_Beeblebrox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/0ea827/32.png) [@Zaphod\_Beeblebrox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zaphod_Beeblebrox)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/45 "2000-08-30T20:12:44Z")
It’s not fair! Just because I wrote that I was the real thread killer, you all _had_ to make a point of posting here just to prove me wrong! Well, you’re not going to get away with it so easily, my amateurish thread-killing friends. You’re dealing with the real thing, here. I’m Sixty Nine Da Thread Killa, BAYBEEE! And there’s **NOTHING** any of you can do about it! Absolutely positively nothing. Oh wait, you can post. Well, don’t do it! That would just be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/46 "2000-08-30T20:16:30Z")
What’s your favorite memory from fourth grade? ---
**Author:** ![Zaphod\_Beeblebrox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/0ea827/32.png) [@Zaphod\_Beeblebrox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zaphod_Beeblebrox)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/47 "2000-08-30T20:18:13Z")
Damn. You had to, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/48 "2000-08-30T20:30:24Z")
The last two threads I started had zero replies. That’s right zero. I win. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/49 "2000-08-30T20:37:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Trion \* > That’s right zero. > > I win. Not any more you don’t. Go check. ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/50 "2000-08-30T20:38:54Z")
Anyone who would post to this thread after this point would have to be a total freakin’ lifeless loser. Get some work done, people. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/51 "2000-08-30T20:39:18Z")
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 Ain’t I a stinka? ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/52 "2000-08-30T20:40:59Z")
I thought we were all here because we’re losers…is this like in elementary school when they’d have to ONE sport a year to make the dorks (like myself) feel like less of a dork? Wow! A hijack **and** a thread kill in one? dare I hope? ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/53 "2000-08-30T20:42:13Z")
Knead, I can’t argue with you. If you intend to work this hard to gain King Threadkiller status, then you truely deserve the title. I bow to your superior abilities. ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/54 "2000-08-30T20:53:01Z")
What’s the definition of “dead thread”? is it if it drops off the FIRST page, or gets no responses for \_\_days? I must know! ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/55 "2000-08-30T22:22:46Z")
My Dearest **struuter** My most humble apologies for taking this long to respond to you! > [@](#): > > Heavens to Betsy. May I inquire as to what it is about me that inspires this? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I’m just curious. The reasons are beyond counting. I secretly admired you in high school, but was too shy to say anything. The way you flirt has filled my heart with longing to be worthy of flirting. Your beauty blinds, your wit dazzles, your smile illuminates… > [@](#): > > There are, as you are well aware, many other ladies hereabouts that are probably more deserving than I. I’m afraid I am in the unhappy position of having to disagree with you, oh Goddess! There may be some _equally_ deserving, but certainly none more deserving. > [@](#): > > You know, don’t you, that talk like that will get you nothing but affection lavished all over you? _blush_ Oh dare I hope? Lavish away, my beauty, lavish away. However, beware! I lavish back. grem ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/56 "2000-08-31T13:10:17Z")
Well…looks like everyone went home. _yawns and stretches_ Good morning all thread killers. Here’s to another day of successful thread slaughtering. Now…grem. _raises eyebrow_ I am assuming by high school, you mean SDHS? If not…then there’s something you should tell me? As to your other, delicious words…they leave me weak-kneed. I haven’t had such tender and eloquent compliments in…oh hell. Not a while, anyway. You, sir, do not appear to ‘flirt,’ you woo. Nice. I like. But I just have to ask…You say this to all the girls, don’t you? _wink_ That’s okay. I think I would feel guilty keeping you all to myself. I am so honored to receive your beautiful words. How can I thank you? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/57 "2000-08-31T13:22:19Z")
Morning, everyone! Figured I’d get a jump on the contest, while you guys are actually doing that work stuff. God, it’s nice being an intern. Anyway, ShamaFrog, to answer your question, uhmmmm…well, we can’t use the first page one, else we’d already have a weiner. So, I think that if the thread can go for a day without a response, whosoever has the last response will take the title home with them. And there you have it. Now, I’d just like to say that anyone who posts on this thread after me is a poopy-poopy-lump face. Sorry to use such harsh language, but this is war. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/58 "2000-08-31T13:35:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \*Now, I’d just like to say that anyone who posts on this thread after me is a poopy-poopy-lump face. Sorry to use such harsh language, but this is war. > > \*\* Okay, admittedly I’m the poopy-poopy-whatever. But, J…have you thought about what a statement like this is going to do to your candidancy? Won’t steeljaw want some explainations? Curious minds, baby…curious minds… ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/59 "2000-08-31T13:46:02Z")
Uhmmmmm…I have no recollection of that specific incident. What? Oh, yes, there it is. Well…see, it’s all about how you define “statement.” See, er…I did not have sexual relations with that…uhhhhh…think fast, J, well…Oooh! I got it! I’ll bomb Kosovo! No? Already done? Nuts. Well, in that case… FREE BEER FOR EVERYBODY!!! There, that oughta do it. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/60 "2000-08-31T13:51:11Z")
_cue applause_ Well, done. Bravo. Well done, indeed. I’m impressed with your candor, humility, honesty and quick thinking. A man of integrity. J, I think you’ve a future in politics. You’ve got your finger on the public’s pulse–and you know how to give them the security they so desperately need. _tearing up–sniff_ Touching…very touching speech. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=4)