# Behold, Jester, Killer of Threads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178 "2000-08-29T13:52:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/61 "2000-08-31T13:52:46Z")
Good morning to you, my Goddess. I hope today finds you healthy and happy. > [@](#): > > Now…grem. _raises eyebrow_ I am assuming by high school, you mean SDHS? If not…then there’s something you should tell me? Oh lord, wouldn’t it be creepy if I wasn’t? Yes, I am referring to SDHS. I remember seeing you at **Swiddles** party. > [@](#): > > As to your other, delicious words…they leave me weak-kneed. I haven’t had such tender and eloquent compliments in…oh hell. Not a while, anyway. You, sir, do not appear to ‘flirt,’ you woo. Nice. I like. To know I’ve helped make you happy is the greatest pleasure in life. Hmmm, ‘woo’? I like too. So, you’re saying that your woo-able? All of my dreams are coming true. > [@](#): > > But I just have to ask…You say this to all the girls, don’t you? _wink_ That’s okay. I think I would feel guilty keeping you all to myself. Oh, I am stricken! While it is true that there are several other lovely ladies for whom I have the highest esteem (Hi [b[jjjfishe\*\*! Hi **Anniz**!), my words are for you and you alone, my vision. Likewise, I’m sure I’m not the only person to receive your rapturous attentions. Of course, your beauty is such that it is only increased by sharing, never diminished. > [@](#): > > I am so honored to receive your beautiful words. How can I thank you? Your graceful and kind responses are thanks enough, lovely **struuter**. However, if you feel more thanks are in order I feel positive that some accomodation can be reached… Your most humble servant, grem ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/62 "2000-08-31T14:01:41Z")
Jeez, will you guys get a room or something? Grem, if you wanna woo the lady, take her on a date thread. Just make sure that you give me ample notice, so that I’m one of the bit players. Anyway, \ Getting back to the point of the thread… Here, thready-thready-thready… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/63 "2000-08-31T14:08:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > \*\* > Anyway, \ Getting back to the point of the thread… > > Here, thready-thready-thready… \*\* I’ll see your big-ass stick and raise you a couple oa bazookas ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/64 "2000-08-31T14:12:52Z")
I should definitely use the preview button. Reading back that last post, I noticed it is loaded with double meanings. BTW I do have two huge bazookas aimed at this thread’s head. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/65 "2000-08-31T14:14:54Z")
:eek: 😕 :o ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/66 "2000-08-31T14:20:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > \*\*Jeez, will you guys get a room or something? Grem, if you wanna woo the lady, take her on a date thread. Just make sure that you give me ample notice, so that I’m one of the bit players. > \*\* AHA! Some ploy to get us out of this thread? Clever. But I’m here for the long haul. As for a date thread? Wow. But I’m shy, so…Hey! Stop that laughing. It’s not THAT funny. I AM shy…sort of…okay, so it’s sort of funny… _handing Jester a battle axe_ If you’re serious…you might want this. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/67 "2000-08-31T14:27:20Z")
Curses. Foiled again. Oh well, thanks for the battle axe. I’m still partial to the beating sticks, though, especially since I have a collection (no joke). Also, they’re much better at taking out the competition without the risk of death. Hey mojo, hope you brought some asprin! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/68 "2000-08-31T14:45:47Z")
To hell with aspirin. I’ve got big time prescription narcotic pain killers. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/69 "2000-08-31T14:48:17Z")
In fact, I just force fed about 50 of 'em to this thread. Yep, should be dead any minute now. It’s working… the breathing has slowed to a gasp and the pulse is thready. Not long now… ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/70 "2000-08-31T15:22:32Z")
My, you’re right, that does seem to work pretty well. But, it’s takin a bit too long, and me, I’ve always been a bit impatient. So, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll just run it down with my car as it staggers about drunkenly. \ \ Ah, that’s a satisfying sound. ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/71 "2000-08-31T16:36:09Z")
Seem’s you just knocked it out. This thread’s apparently a junky with quite a tolerance. Let’s see what other abuse it can take… \hmmm…beating stick…no luck…narcotics…no luck…scissors! that’s it! scissors! :::gets out HUGE pair of **scissors** and starts snipping away at thread::: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/72 "2000-08-31T16:41:44Z")
Rolling On The Floor Laghing My Big Bad Bodacious Ass Off 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/73 "2000-08-31T17:29:40Z")
Alright, well, I didn’t want to have to do this, but I’m unveiling my… SUPER-MEGA-THREAD-KILLER-DEATH-RAY-OF-DOOM!! \ \ Ready! Aim! FIRE!!! \ No! It broke! \ Oh well, union labor, what should I have expected? Hey, give me a pair of those scissors… ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/74 "2000-08-31T17:45:59Z")
You guys…you think you can slice it to bits? We need to think big. Anybody want to give me hand? This thing is heavy… _picks up thread at one end and begins dragging it towards air-tight chamber_ See, we lock this little baby in here…ooomph…and in no time…we’ve suffocated it. Whaddya think? No blood, no screaming (that WE can hear, anyway), and none of those pesky entrails to trip over. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/75 "2000-08-31T18:16:46Z")
God, SUFFOCATION? What a horrible way to die. You’re awfully cruel, strutter. Now, if you’d please help me hook up these electrodes to the thread, we’ll get some sparks flying! Booyah! ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/76 "2000-08-31T18:19:43Z")
ARE YOU SURE??? Have you ever smell burning thread? ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/77 "2000-08-31T18:23:44Z")
Ewwww.Struuter’s right…this seems ot be a synthetic thread…it’ll stink like plastic if we burn it. how’s a bout a HUGE pool of hydrochloric acid or something? we could toss it in and fizzle it to death. I’d say we could starve it, but people just will not let it dies peacefully (myself included) ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/78 "2000-08-31T18:27:00Z")
Actually, I was kind of COUNTING on those fumes. Kind of noxious, but kind of…nice… \ Sorry, that may just be me. Now if you need me, I’ll be over there, burning G.I. Joes. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/79 "2000-08-31T18:35:37Z")
_dangling thread of firecrackers before Jester’s eyes_ Gotta punk? ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/80 "2000-08-31T18:45:01Z")
I know the best way to kill this thread, I know that this is drastic, but sometimes drastic measures are called for. :ahem: What are the three words ending in “Gry”? :ducks and runs like hell: Keith [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=5)