# Behold, Jester, Killer of Threads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178 "2000-08-29T13:52:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/121 "2000-09-01T16:48:50Z")
_takes off sunglasses_ Damn. Will you look at that. Pesky little bastard is still there. _rubs hands together_ Okay everybody. Stand back and plug your ears–I guess we’re playing hardball. _takes a deep breath_ FFFEEEEEELLLLLLIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGSSSSS! Nothing more than FFFEEELLLIIINNNGGGSSS! _another deep breath_ Trying to forget my feelings of LLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/122 "2000-09-01T16:51:08Z")
Now that’s just cruel. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/123 "2000-09-01T16:58:33Z")
Yep. Us midwest girls are dangerous, aren’t we? 😉 _whispers_ Hey, mojo…have you noticed? Every body else…is gone. I think if you and I both sing the Pina Colada Song we might just kill this thing yet…whaddya say? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/124 "2000-09-01T17:03:09Z")
And I said "Oh I never knew that you liked Pina coladas and getting drunk in the rain And if you’re not in health food and you have had a fling Take it struuter ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/125 "2000-09-01T17:10:24Z")
**mojo57** , how dare you impugn the honor of the Goddess **struuter**? Rest assured, if she wanted us dead, she could strike us down with a look. Behave yourself. Thanks dearest **struuter**! No, no cream or sugar, you’re all the sweetner I need. I hope we have gallons of this stuff, looks like I may be headed for a full 48+ hour stretch this time. ::Looking around:: Well, the old thread is looking a little shabby, but seems to still be hanging around. Wonder what kind of bribe is necessary to get a Mod or Admin to come in and kill it humanely (and more importantly, right after this post). grem BTW, **Sn-man** , did you think “Good morning all” excluded you? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/126 "2000-09-01T17:17:19Z")
“Kill it humanely?” What kind of talk is that? This thing has to die PAINFULLY. And really, grem, the high & mighty speech is gettin on my nerves. Do you ever talk…I dunno, normally? I mean, yeah, struuter’s hot, and yeah, she’s awesome and all, but c’mon, you’re gonna force us to kill OURSELVES, instead of this thread. Anyway, sorry bout my disappearences. I’m not gonna be posting as much now, since my interning job is over, and school starts soon. But I’m STILL gonna take this thing out, if it kills me. And Sn-Man, we luvs ya, but as far as killing the thread is concerned, you and grem are the only ones not contributing. Join in the fun, put up or shut up! (My, that was a bit harsh. Sorry). ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/127 "2000-09-01T17:19:35Z")
‘If you like making love at midnight On the dunes of the Dope You’re the thread that I’ve looked for Some one hand me that rope…’ ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/128 "2000-09-01T18:13:27Z")
Dunno if this matters to you guys or not, but I really LIKE the “Pina Colada Song.” I may hang out here all weekend if you promise to keep that tune running through my head. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/129 "2000-09-01T18:26:30Z")
Hey, Sauron…I owe you an apology. I spelled your name wrong earlier. Just wanted to let you know that I just caught it and I’ll be more careful. My stupid username is a neverending source of trouble for me. While it doesn’t bother me a bit to see strutter or stutter, I know it does bother other people. So I hope you didn’t take it hard. grem…48 hours straight? Aw, honey you need to rest. You need to get all rested up so you can take me on that date…? heehee. _wiggles eyebrows_ Okay thread. Here is the song NO ONE can live through… _passes out ear plugs to everyone_ ‘You can dance if you want to You can leave your friends behind Cuz your friends can’t dance And if they can’t dance They’re no friends of miiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeee’ ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/130 "2000-09-01T18:30:59Z")
Yeah, I’ll hand you that rope struuter - I’ve tied noose knot in it for you…yeah, it goes over your mouth. For the love of kerist! Struut - how could you sing that without issuing earplugs first… \ Now if I just had toxic blood like aliens, that might kill the thread. Hmmm - need a MacCaffery dragon - they can kill thread. * * * why, oh why can I never resist a geeky reference? ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/131 "2000-09-01T18:39:36Z")
Awww, come on gorgeous, you should know I’ll never be so tired that I would pass up a date with you! Speaking of Men Without Hats, I used to know a guy who claimed to have played keyboards for that song. He worked for Reader’s Digest up in Canada. Never checked it out though, and now, I’ll be damned if I can remember his name. “Come on Elieen, oh I swear At this moment you mean everything with you in that dress, oh my thoughts I confess verge on dirty” ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/132 "2000-09-01T18:51:41Z")
That’s okay, struuter. I kinda like “Saurus.” I feel all dinosaur-y now. I will undoubtedly lose serious respect points with all of you (not that I had that many to begin with), but I LOVED “Safety Dance” AND “Come on Eileen.” In fact, my ex-sister-in-law (did everyone follow that?) searched for that Dexy’s Midnight Runners tape to give me one Christmas. We can dance We can dance Everyone look at your hands … ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/133 "2000-09-01T18:59:38Z")
I applaud the efforts to aurally assult the thread into submission…perhaps I can help…those of you who’ve been anywhere near a kid in the last 10 years, feel free to sing along… ahem… This is the song that never ends it just goes on and on my friends somebody started singing it not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because… This is the song that never ends it just goes on and on my friends somebody started singing it not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because… This is the song that never ends it just goes on and on my friends somebody started singing it not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because… ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/134 "2000-09-01T19:03:58Z")
I love you You love me We’re as happy as can be With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you Won’t you say you love me too? Thank you Costa Rica! Goodnight! ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/135 "2000-09-01T19:21:33Z")
Keep singing! it seems to be swaying with our hypnotic songs. \OK- here’s the plan…I’ve got my crew ( [http://www.trekland.com/BRose/adven.htm](http://www.trekland.com/BRose/adven.htm) ) waiting on their ship in the harbor. as soon as the thread’s been distracted, they’ll board and pillage and plunder the thread…stand by ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/136 "2000-09-01T19:22:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fierra \* > \*\*Yeah, I’ll hand you that rope struuter - I’ve tied noose knot in it for you…yeah, it goes over your mouth. > > For the love of kerist! Struut - how could you sing that without issuing earplugs first… \ > \*\* Over my MOUTH? _gulp_ It’s the thread we’re after here… And I did issue out plugs and warnings and everything. Where’d you put yours? 😉 grem, sweet grem so knowing so trusting so love–ed? {{smooch}} Sauron…I’ve ALWAYS been a Safety Dance fan. Some things are just so pointless that you can’t help but love them. But BARNEY? Oh, dear. I thought we were safe… Maybe that’s what will finally kill this thread…a big purple dinosaur. He just about succeeded in offing me. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/137 "2000-09-01T19:30:44Z")
How 'bout this one (with a tip 'o the hat to Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey) “That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn Mmmmmm-mmmmm-mmmmm-mmmmm…” ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/138 "2000-09-01T19:42:40Z")
Speaking of 80s one-hit wonders … anybody remember Bow-Wow-Wow? They had a song called “I Want Candy.” I’d post the lyrics, but if memory serves, the vast majority of the lyrics are contained in the title, so it’d be kinda pointless. Not one of your great social-consciousness songs, but I liked it anyway. Maybe the thread is susceptible to steel-drum music? ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/139 "2000-09-01T19:44:52Z")
Well, it looks like this thread has become a huge kareoke party. Now if that doesn’t kill it, nothing will. 🙂 And I will have all of you know that I do believe I’ve killed a thread today. No…not this one. But another one. And it was a nice, fun-loving thread with a fine future and everything to live for. Dead now. Dead and gone probably for good. Why did I do it…ah hell, why do any of us do it? Because, even though we don’t really have anything new or clever to add, we feel the ungodly urge to post…just…one…more…time. And then, echoing in the halls of the Dope, the poor thread’s heartbeat fades sadly to nothing. _sigh_ And there I stand like the little kid who “loved” his pet hamster just a bit too tightly. Just my luck. The ones I WANT to kill are going on four freakin’ pages. But…probably one of the most fun threads I’ve ever been on. ---
**Author:** ![ShamaFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@ShamaFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShamaFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178/140 "2000-09-01T19:51:01Z")
Hey struuter- I brought the vet in to look at your bare naked hamster…it seems to be alive! and I agree- this is probably almost as fun as the satanic woodchuck thread… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-jester-killer-of-threads/31178.md?page=8)