# Behold: The Infinite Onion Ring! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732 "2006-07-09T14:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/1 "2006-07-09T14:26:39Z")
No greater glory could be been bestowed upon my person than was done last evening. Since we’re still busily unpacking at the new house, cooking dinner is a logistical trick. Therefore, dinner has mostly been fast foot takeout for the past two weeks. Last night was Burger King – a double cheeseburger apeice, and a large onion rings to share. After we polished off the burgers, I reached into the bag to grab the o-rings, and there it was, gleaming in all its fabled majesty: [The Infinite Onion Ring](http://www.sirblah.com/photo/view.php?album=Misc&mode=&pic=Misc019.JPG&picindex=18)! Now, it seems obvious to be that this must be an astoundingly powerful artifact. Trouble is, it’s secrets are _very_ well kept (I’m guessing the Illuminati, or possibly the Stonecutters). So now I turn to you, oh wise Dopers – what mystical forces do I now have in my control, now that I possess The Infinate Onion Ring? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/2 "2006-07-09T14:30:08Z")
My guess is the power to generate thousands of dollars through the use of eBay. That or absolute control over space and time. Take your pick. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/3 "2006-07-09T14:34:44Z")
It looks a bit greasy - perhaps you now control the petroleum resources of the world? Or your cholesterol is going up. My insight has been on the fritz of late. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/4 "2006-07-09T14:48:28Z")
You must cast it into the grease of the Burger King fryer from which it was spawned! It’s the only way! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/5 "2006-07-09T14:50:09Z")
> [@Lord Il Palazzo](#): > > My guess is the power to generate thousands of dollars through the use of eBay. That’s the reason it’s properly bagged up and stored in the fridge. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/6 "2006-07-09T14:57:09Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > You must cast it into the grease of the Burger King fryer from which it was spawned! It’s the only way! Aye, but it will be a long a perilous journey; fraught with dangers of Pimple faces teens with whiteheads preparing to erupt and the dark and evil screaming kids from Heck. Most worrisome will be the high cholesterol that shall haunt you for life as the Infinite Onion Ring causes your craving for ever more greasy fast food. Frodo {oops, I mean Jim} ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/7 "2006-07-09T15:13:58Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > Aye, but it will be a long a perilous journey; fraught with dangers of Pimple faces teens with whiteheads preparing to erupt and the dark and evil screaming kids from Heck. Most worrisome will be the high cholesterol that shall haunt you for life as the Infinite Onion Ring causes your craving for ever more greasy fast food. > > Frodo {oops, I mean Jim} Indeed. To say nothing of the King himself. It is said that he possesses the ability to appear at any place, at any time (though he favors your very own BEDROOM! :eek: ) to ambush you with towers of meat and cheese that doth daunt the most doughty adventurer! ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/8 "2006-07-09T15:15:05Z")
Hate to break the news, but you’re holding it wrong. The onion ring’s actually a sideways “8”. That means something, but it’s hard to say what. Maybe it’s predicting that [Dale Earnhardt, Jr.](http://www.dalejr.com/) will win the Brickyard 400. Maybe it’s suggesting you should watch _Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter_ more often. Or maybe, it’s a sign of transition – after all, had you consumed the onion ring as normal, it would become “Ate”. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/9 "2006-07-09T15:27:41Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > Indeed. To say nothing of the King himself. > > It is said that he possesses the ability to appear at any place, at any time (though he favors your very own BEDROOM! :eek: ) to ambush you with towers of meat and cheese that doth daunt the most doughty adventurer! Aye, but dat 'tis a 'orror unspeakable. Argh, why 'ould you speak of it? Fear him the dark one terrible. ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/10 "2006-07-09T15:34:04Z")
Mmm… fast feet. 😛 Oh man, I’m giggling uncontrollably. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/11 "2006-07-09T16:17:53Z")
Ring up the mayor of Algona, IA, and tell him you’ve got something that will benefit the town even more than his damned cheeto. I’ll bet he’ll pay big bucks for such an oniony, batter-fried artifact. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/12 "2006-07-09T16:21:51Z")
I’d rather have a Möbius onion ring. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/13 "2006-07-09T16:27:12Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > It is said that [The Burger King] possesses the ability to appear at any place, at any time (though he favors your very own BEDROOM! :eek: ) to ambush you with towers of meat and cheese that doth daunt the most doughty adventurer! The BK is gifted with many powers. He can turn his own face into a frozen mask of plastic. He can even turn bacon from a meat into a non-meat, as in the following press release: > [@BK Corporation](#): > > “The BK Stacker is simple and built with the very ingredients our restaurant guests love best— **meat, cheese and bacon** ,” notes Denny Marie Post, Burger King’s senior vice president and chief concept officer. AT BURGER KING, BACON IS NOT MEAT! [size=1]What is it then? [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/14 "2006-07-09T16:37:06Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > AT BURGER KING, BACON IS NOT MEAT! > > What is it then? Have you seen their “bacon?” It’s about three microns thick and flat as a board. Therefore my answer is: paint. ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/15 "2006-07-09T16:58:27Z")
:dubious: The BK Corporation’s VP is named **Denny**? Hmmm this conspiracy goes deeper than we thought. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/16 "2006-07-09T17:15:01Z")
> [@rinni](#): > > Mmm… fast feet. 😛 Initial thought: “What the hell is **rinni** talking about??” > [@Hal Briston](#): > > …fast foot takeout … D’oh!! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/17 "2006-07-09T17:46:53Z")
> [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > I’d rather have a Möbius onion ring. Now THAT I might bid on, if it showed up on eBay. I fully intend to spend several sleepless nights trying to figure out how you’d make one of these. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/18 "2006-07-09T20:09:41Z")
I hate to break it to you, but the Wyld Hanllyns got one of those when they took an 80 mile round trip dinner break in the middle of an elimination leg on _Treasure Hunters_. So it’s not unique, and the other one known to exist is in the hands of dumbasses. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/19 "2006-07-09T20:22:52Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > Indeed. To say nothing of the King himself. > > It is said that he possesses the ability to appear at any place, at any time (though he favors your very own BEDROOM! :eek: ) to ambush you with towers of meat and cheese that doth daunt the most doughty adventurer! Don’t tell this to DiosaBellissima or Amazon Floozy Goddess. They’ll flip a nut and strangle the nearest person at the mention of the King appearing in their bedrooms without warning. Although they DO like to call me “The Man” when I enter their bedrooms… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732/20 "2006-07-09T20:37:37Z")
The infinite O-ring, huh? Interesting. Now, if you could come up with one that looks like **Jesus** or **The Virgin Mary** , now THAT would be something! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-infinite-onion-ring/363732.md?page=2)