# Behold! The Turducken Czar!!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 14, 2005, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698 "2005-01-14T12:48:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2005, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/1 "2005-01-14T12:48:25Z")
Every Year, a group of my friends & I get together for our annual Super Bowl bash. The Super Bowl is nothing less than a holiday for the people in this group…we have guests flying in for the event. The event covers the entire day & the party, while held at one person’s house, is thrown by everybody chipping in & doing their part.
So…the last 2 years we have ordered a [Turducken](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken) dinner. The group of people responsible for acquiring the meal became known as the OTA (Office of Turducken Affairs.) The OTA is simply a committee of 4 people led by the Turducken Czar.
You guessed it, boys & girls… **AndyPolley** is this year’s Turducken Czar.
The many purposes of this mundane & pointless thread…
1. For me to celebrate my new status.
2. For me to seek any advice/reviews on places that ship Turduckens, and to seek side-dishes to accompany such a meal.
3. For me, the Cazr, to answer your burning questions about the OTA.
4. For you, to mock my friends & I.
May your Super Bowl festivities bring you happiness & an abundance of food & drink. Hu-zah!
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### Author:  [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/2 "2005-01-14T14:19:57Z")
(Leaps from his chair, waving his arm) Mr. Turducken Czar! Mr. Czar! (Elbows elderly NPR reporter out of the way) Mr. Czar! Thank you.
Could you please tell us how a duck, which has loads of fat, can cook outside a relatively lean chicken and inside a very lean turkey, without ruining both and itself because there’s no place for the fat to go?
Seriously. Please.
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### Author:  [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/3 "2005-01-14T14:50:51Z")
No mere turducken can match Sarge’s creation on [Red vs. Blue](http://www.redvsblue.com). See what he made in [Quicktime](http://www.redvsblue.com/archive/download.php/?id=488), [DivX](http://www.redvsblue.com/archive/download.php/?id=486), or [WMV](http://www.redvsblue.com/archive/download.php/?id=487).
What the hell would you even call that thing, anyway? Best I could come up with was a “sevenforteroleoparostremualbeagapeacopenguiturkturduckenensparhummer”.
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### Author:  [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/4 "2005-01-14T15:10:09Z")
Ah…that’s a magnificent question, your highness. First of all, all 3 birds are be-boned prior to preparation. The juices from all 3 will drip into the pan (the turkey isn’t water tight, after all). Secondly, ducks (as well as geese) need more fat to cook than your average bird. Not only that, but the fat from such birds is actually more nutritious & tastier than your average run-of-the-mill wad of fat. From what I understand, chefs will even use [rendered duck fat](http://www.gatewaygourmet.com/graisse.htm) instead of butter or olive oil. So, it’s like basting the inside of your turkey & outside of you chicken with juicy, buttery goodness.
Are you asking me if retaining the duck fat within the beast(s) is the healthiest way to prepare it? Well, it is 3 birds stuffed inside each other, which is usually stuffed with pork sausage as well, so the answer is no. It’s not a low-fat dish. From my position as Czar, I wouldn’t recommend eating Turducken everyday as a part of a healthy lifestyle.
Next Question! You, the elderly NPR Reporter with the bruises…
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### Author:  [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/5 "2005-01-19T07:05:50Z")
I am very sorry to have taken so long to say thank you. Thank you.
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### Author:  [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/6 "2005-01-19T12:25:41Z")
Am I alone in finding a food product apparently named after the mutant hybrid of a turd and a duck distasteful?
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### Author:  [@FrostySonofThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrostySonofThunder)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/7 "2005-01-19T13:15:38Z")
Am I the only one who had a mental image of Russian royalty dodging flung feces when they read the title of the thread? Before they found out what a turducken actually is?
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### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/8 "2005-01-19T14:19:19Z")
Jesus! Must learn to read less quickly. For a moment there I thought you were cooking Tuckerfan.
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### Author:  [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/9 "2005-01-19T16:25:09Z")
Zounds! Revelers have arrived to celebrate my czar-dom!
To **The King of Soup** …You are quite welcome. I do hope you forgive my type-o & figured out the the birds are \*\*De-\*\*boned. If the Office of Turducken Affairs can be of any further assistance, don’t hesitate to ask.
To **Colophon** …Although I’ve never met anyone who’d find such a joyous blend of fowl treasure anything but delectable, I’m sure they do exist, so I don’t believe you are alone. If you were attending my Super Bowl party…you’d be alone (I think…the women don’t usually comment…and actually there’s this vegetarian guy who comes…come to think of it, the dog usually runs & hides from the thing…I’ll have to look further into this…)
To **FrostySonofThunder** (welcome to the Dope)…I find it odd that people don’t actually know what a Turducken is. As for your vision of Russian royalty, I am quite American, my friend. As for the dodging of feces…well…we at the Office of Turducken Affairs try to discourage such means of expression.
Finally to **Astro** the OTA is committed to not cooking any members of the SDMB community, although I’ve heard **Tuckerfan** goes well with a white wine vinaigrette.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/10 "2005-01-19T18:00:01Z")
Just don’t invite Lenin over. He’ll only drink all the vodka jello-shots and start some trouble.
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### Author:  [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2005, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/11 "2005-01-19T21:45:27Z")
_De_-boned? Uh-oh.
Your dog runs from the thing because after the turkey it comes next on the size chart of available animals, and knows it. Reassure the poor animal, in some area well away from the kitchen.
Thanks again.
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### Author:  [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)
#### Post date: [January 20, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/12 "2005-01-20T21:50:33Z")
:: Moe enters the room mouth-a-waterin’ with the knowledge that he will most likely be getting some of the very turducken being discussed ::
Just so I keep my part of the discussion within the intended purposes of the thread:
> [@](#):
>
> 1. For me to celebrate my new status.
Whoohoo!!! Congrats! No one deserves it more than you.
> [@](#):
>
> 1. For me to seek any advice/reviews on places that ship Turduckens, and to seek side-dishes to accompany such a meal.
Can’t help you with the first part. I try to avoid being part of the administrative process. I just eat. As for the second part, might I recommend beer?
> [@](#):
>
> 1. For me, the Cazr, to answer your burning questions about the OTA.
Ummm… yeah, umm Mr. Czar, like, why does bad things happen to good people? and if you took all the salt from the ocean and put it in a pie, how high would your blood pressure rise?
> [@](#):
>
> 1. For you, to mock my friends & I.
Your friends are dorks.
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### Author:  [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)
#### Post date: [January 20, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/13 "2005-01-20T22:48:09Z")
Where has the OTA acquired them before? [Cabela’s](http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/links/link.jhtml?id=0010543614780a&type=product&cmCat=search&returnString=hasJS=true&_D%3AhasJS=+&QueryText=turducken&_DARGS=%2Fcabelas%2Fen%2Fcommon%2Fsearch%2Fsearch-box.jhtml.22&N=4887&Ntk=Products&Ntx=mode+matchall&Nty=1&Ntt=turducken&noImage=0&returnPage=search-results1.jhtml) has them, with what looks like a variety of stuffings. I’ve never had the honor of eating one, myself. I’m not worthy.
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### Author:  [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/14 "2005-01-21T17:50:19Z")
Hey Czar, [here](http://www.cajunstuff.com/store/product_info.php/products_id/1/osCsid/f91083d5f887a9a3cd01d651729b11f6) is a place that has a few 5 star ratings on their turduckens.
And if you’re feeling particularly ambitious, [make](http://www.blacktable.com/turducken031217.htm) your own.
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### Author:  [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/15 "2005-01-21T18:02:27Z")
Have you ever considered making a mammal version of a turducken?
Say, stuffing a roast piglet inside a deer inside a beef carcass? Call it something like Penicow?
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### Author:  [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/16 "2005-01-21T20:53:06Z")
Well, **King** my dog is a 5 pound [papillon](http://www.chillydogs.ca/Images/Papillon.jpg), so it might have more to do with him being afraid of being stuffed in the middle! :eek:
**Moe** Thank you for the congrats, my friend. I do have a recipe for making my own turducken, but I’m just not going there. To comment on your link though…I think I have a crush on Sonya Thomas. As for your suggestion of beer, you must know that I’ve already paired my Turducken Dinner with my favorite [Farmhouse Saison ale.](http://www.breweryommegang.com/index.php?mcat=1&scat=3) As for your “questions”, the answers to them, and much more, can be provided by watching the film [Koyaanisqatsi.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085809/) Now go and watch it _again_ and **pay attention** this time. You dork.
Oh…Cajun [Stuff.com](http://Stuff.com) is on my list of places…they might just win out.
To address your question, **Cowgirl\_Jules** , the OTA has used [Cajun Specialty Meats](http://www.cajunspecialtymeats.com/) in the past. They did a nice job, but I’m weighing my options. Thank you for the Cabela’s link, I’ll see how they might measure up. To thank you for this help, I declare…by the power vested in me by my position of Turducken Czar, you to be WORTHY of eating turducken. Now that you’re worthy, you’ll have to decide if you actually want to.
Oh…I heard Lenin knows how to party.
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### Author:  [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/17 "2005-01-21T21:22:52Z")
I’m worthy! I may actually try this someday… I wonder how they are deep fried?
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### Author:  [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/18 "2005-01-21T21:29:23Z")
Are you \*realy \*the Czar? Or are you actually the Csar? Or mayhap the Tsar?
Or are you, in all truthfullness, and honesty… the _ **Tzar** _?
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/19 "2005-01-21T21:43:38Z")
Has anyone ever made “beerbuttturducken”? Now that would be an accomplishment
Annie-Xmas, the teatotaling vegetarian
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### Author:  [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698/20 "2005-01-21T21:51:17Z")
I have a John Madden cookbook which explains how to deep-fry a Turducken if you were tailgating at a football (or any sport, I guess) stadium. Maybe next year.
**Regallag\_The\_Axe** …I just checked the offical officers of the Office of Turducken affairs. They are as follows. The Czar (me!), the assistant to the Czar, the Gravy Potentate, the lowly Napkin Bitch & the even lower Assitant Napkin Bitch. So yes…I am the Czar. Hail me. _ **I said Hail…** _
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-the-turducken-czar/284698.md?page=2)