# "Behold this creature that walks like a man...it wants ketchup on its hot dog!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 19, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722 "2000-09-19T14:38:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/21 "2000-10-07T14:08:07Z")
Sheeesh. This is the SECOND post I’ve seen in this forum today that argues “Hey, it’s not important, why argue about it?” Um…why are we here, anyway? In the final analysis, NONE of this is important. I’m going to go and take off my shoes, climb a tree, and learn how to play the flute. On the other hand, if we stop arguing about hot dogs, the next thing ya know, we’ll stop arguing about scary movies, solar energy, the Holy Trinity, the Big Bang Theory, and how to properly grill a ribeye steak. And then the time will be ripe for the CHINESE COMMUNISTS TO WALK RIGHT IN AND TAKE OVER. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2000, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/22 "2000-10-07T15:17:48Z")
And let’s keep things in perspective. This is the _hot dog_ we’re talking about. Nothing less than ground-up Americana in a convenient edible casing. Righteous, God-fearing citizens of the mighty U., S., and A. would sooner marry off their daughters to (_choke_) **Communists** than soil their hot dogs with the thick, smothering red…oh, **red** , I say _ **RED** _ my brothers and sisters, of ketchup, or catsup, or whatever the dark forces of creeping atheist socialism are calling it this year. This is no less than a battle for the _American way of life_, and I’ll thank you all to treat it with the proper gravity. ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/23 "2000-10-07T18:09:13Z")
Hmmmm. Does that mean during WWII people eschewed mustard, what with the yellow peril and all? ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2000, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/24 "2000-10-07T19:06:08Z")
Yabob, that’s just silly. C’mon, let’s stay relevant here. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2000, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/25 "2000-10-07T21:39:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lux Fiat \* > \*\*This is no less than a battle for the _American way of life_, and I’ll thank you all to treat it with the proper gravity. \*\* …and eat it with the proper gravy. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/26 "2000-10-08T19:09:53Z")
Funny, I replied to this before, but it seems to have gotten lost… **Ukulele Ike** , I’ve lived approximately 80% of my life thus far in Cleveland. I went to kindergarten a half block away from the West Side Market, and I’ve always rooted for the Cleveland teams, even when the Tribe sucked and the Browns didn’t exist. I think I’m a real Clevelander. While I agree with you that Stadium Mustard must assuredly be a direct gift from God, most Clevelanders are not so cultured as to know any better, and every hot dog I ever ate in Cleveland, whether from a vendor or a home, had ketchup as a default. If I can only have one topping on a dog, it’ll be mustard (provided it’s a good mustard, and not that cheap yellow stuff), but I’m just a “little of everything” kind of guy. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2000, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/27 "2000-10-08T21:50:43Z")
That’s bizarre…I grew up south of the city, just off Route 77 and north of Brecksville, and spent my childhood and teen years bopping around the West Side, the East Side, and downtown, and hardly EVER saw ketchup on a hot dog. Almost always served New York style: brown mustard and sauerkraut. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/28 "2000-10-09T17:32:01Z")
I think the difference between Ukulele Ike’s and Chronos’ experiences with Cleveland hot dogs can be explained by the passage of time. Ukulele Ike, did you say any cars on the streets of Cleveland, or was it still horses and carriages? And Chronos, did you ever, when you were a child, have to walk across the room to change channels on the television? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/29 "2000-10-09T18:28:55Z")
Hell, I ain’t gonna mix it up with TWO Moderators…that would be roughly analogous to Achilles chaffing Aphrodite and Hera. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/30 "2000-10-10T01:54:40Z")
Well, I did (and still do, when visiting Mom) have to cross the room to change channels, but that’s just because while I was growing up, we always had a cheap TV (Black and white, until I was about 8!), and on our current TV, the remote got stolen, and we can’t get any of the universals to work. I think that the time thing might explain it, though… Just how long ago were you in the Land of Cleves, Uke (unless you’d rather not date yourself). ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/31 "2000-10-10T14:17:25Z")
From 1960 until the end of summer, 1978. So my main Cleveland hot-dog eating years (once I developed a palate, of course) would be the mid-seventies. We had a B&W tube until I was about eight, too. I remember when the Plain Dealer’s TV Guide listed the color broadcasts with little stars next to them. Anyone who feels like reminiscing about Ghoulardi, Mister Jingaling, and/or Captain Penny is cheerfully invited to click on my nonexistent e-mail address, below. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/32 "2000-10-10T14:59:07Z")
Well, I just checked in with Mrs. O, and it hasn’t been absolutely verified that either Big Jim or Marty eat ketchup on their hot dogs. A quick check of the childhood files in Mrs. O’s memory index reveals that the two most frequently used condiments on their Saugi’s were celery salt and mustard (probably yellow). So, **Lux Fiat** , it looks like my father-in-law _and_ my stepfather-in-law have both made the ultimate sacrifice in keeping the salty red tomato puree off their frankfurters. As regards your statements about creeping atheist socialism, yes, some do call it ketchup. Others call it catsup. I call it nasty. Spicy mustard and horseradish for me, please! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/33 "2000-10-16T17:28:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > I’m going to go and take off my shoes, climb a tree, and learn how to play the flute. Sounds good. I’m gonna find a bunch of guys who dress alike, and follow them around! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/34 "2000-10-17T14:09:03Z")
Thank god…I was beginning to think no one had noticed. For NINE DAYS I’ve been waiting here in the sitting room…er, sitting here in the waiting room. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/35 "2000-10-17T16:11:41Z")
OK, you two, what are these mysterious allusions? Inquiring minds want to know! P.S. Thank you, Ukulele Ike, for comparing me to Aphrodite. I always knew I was a paragon of beauty, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by an impartial observer. ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/36 "2000-10-17T16:47:56Z")
May I? Firesign Theatre. Just to prove some of the rest of us recognized it too. Exit, singing “Porgie Tirebiter …” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/37 "2000-10-17T17:00:26Z")
Sorry about that, Gorgeous, it’s the **Firesign Theater.** The shoes/tree/flute is a reference to a line from Mudhead, pal of the immortal teen icon, Porgie Tirebiter (he’s a Girl Delighter!). The sitting room/waiting room line is adapted from The Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye. You’ll have to ask **RTFirefly** about his, though. I ain’t that good; I couldn’t even say why the Porridge Bird lays his egg in the air. Remember Fudd’s First Law: If you push something hard enough, it WILL fall over. ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/38 "2000-10-18T20:01:20Z")
OK, so I’m a dyxslice pytist … Gorgeous??? ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/39 "2000-10-18T20:13:06Z")
yabob, far be it from me to disparage your pulchritude, but Ukulele Ike was speaking to me, not you. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![yabob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yabob/32/2821_2.png) [@yabob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yabob)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/40 "2000-10-18T20:36:59Z")
OK, I get it. I’m glad I wasn’t getting my spelling corrected, most ravishing moderator. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722.md?page=3)