# "Behold this creature that walks like a man...it wants ketchup on its hot dog!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 19, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722 "2000-09-19T14:38:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/41 "2000-10-19T01:34:56Z")
Not so fast there, **Winkelried.** I’ve had my eye on that little cutie **yabob** since last March, and I’d figured it was time to make my big move. {straightens bow tie and waggles eyebrows} ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/42 "2000-10-19T20:40:06Z")
Dang, does that leave me as Hera? Can’t I be Athena, instead? Hera was a \*\*\*\*\* (not that I blame her). ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/43 "2000-10-19T21:04:49Z")
Sorry, man, **slythe** had dibs on Athena. If you don’t want to be Hera… {scrounges around the bottom of the sack} …we have Euterpe left. And Polyhymnia. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/44 "2000-10-20T07:41:20Z")
God Bless America and Ukulele Ike! (dibs on the mustard and the good kraut) Put ketchup on the french fries and fight over the wimmen! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2000, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/45 "2000-10-21T07:44:43Z")
Let’s see, they were Muses, right? That’ll do. Wait a minute… Ain’t I already Chronos? ---
**Author:** ![muffinman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@muffinman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muffinman)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2000, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/46 "2000-10-22T05:39:40Z")
I work in the Publix deli, and we are regionally known for our Philly Cheesesteaks. Tell me, what exactly qualifies a sandwich as a philly cheese steak. We use sliced Boars Head roast beef, onions, mushrooms, green peppers, and provolone cheese… all of the above are sauteed on a flat top grill, then placed carefully on a french bread sub roll… how does this differ from a philly cheese steak as found in Philladelphia? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/47 "2000-10-22T16:19:36Z")
A Philly cheesesteak should be made of STEAK, not deli roast beef. Not particularly good steak, but steak nonetheless. Round steak, sliced thin, grilled, on a hoagie roll with grilled onions and processed American cheese. Mushrooms don’t usually make it, and green peppers NEVER.\* I recall the Publix is a Florida chain. Why not stick to Cuban sandwiches? They’re delicious, too, and regionally correct. \*This is a New Yorker’s take on the sandwich. Although I have eaten many cheesesteaks in Philly, I’m no native and no expert. (If I stand on tippytoes and squint really hard, I can just make out the city of Philadelphia down to my Southwest.) Philadelphians may now feel free to goosepile on top of me. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/48 "2000-10-23T04:57:32Z")
A cheesesteak, as I made them while working at an on-campus grill at Villanova: You take thin-sliced steak (as Ike said, admittedly usually low quality), and slap it on the grill, turning frequently. As it’s cooking, you chop/shred it into very fine pieces with a pair of long spatulas. Onions are recommended, and mushrooms are optional, either being sauteed in butter and again chopped fine with the spatulas. When it’s done cooking, shape it into a pile about the length of the bun, and spread at least three slices of cheese over the top (usually American, but Provolone can be used for lower fat). Once the cheese is melted, invert a half-sliced Italian roll over the whole shebang, and flip it over right-side up using the long spatula (the cheese ends up on the bottom, next to the bun). Serve and enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![foxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@foxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foxfyre)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/49 "2000-10-23T22:58:19Z")
I belive that quote was from Shakespear’s The Tempest where the Jester, Trinculo, sees the deformed slave, Caliban, putting ketchup on his hotdog. -Foxfyre ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/50 "2000-10-24T19:01:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > The shoes/tree/flute is a reference to a line from Mudhead, pal of the immortal teen icon, Porgie Tirebiter (he’s a Girl Delighter!). The sitting room/waiting room line is adapted from The Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye. > > You’ll have to ask **RTFirefly** about his, though. I ain’t that good; I couldn’t even say why the Porridge Bird lays his egg in the air. If my memory serves me, Uke, your quote was Peorgie, and mine was Mudhead, from earlier in the same scene - on either side of the digression into Principal Poop’s speech at the pep rally (_ **P-E-P-E-P** , moooorrre **PEP PILLS!!!** _). If the rest of you want to understand any of this lunacy, the place to go is _Don’t Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers_, Firesign’s best album, IMO. Other quotes on this thread have been from “The Further Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye,” Firesign’s wonderful sendup of 1940s radio detective shows on _How Can You Be in Two Places At Once, When You’re Not Anywhere At All_ (with the ‘All Hail Marx-Lennon’ cover), and _I Think We’re All Bozos on This Bus_. > [@](#): > > Remember Fudd’s First Law: If you push something hard enough, it WILL fall over. And we can’t forget “‘It comes in, it **must** go out’ - Testlicle’s Deviant to Fudd’s First Law.” ---
**Author:** ![DoZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@DoZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoZ)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722/51 "2000-10-26T02:04:42Z")
I think it was Menchken [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/behold-this-creature-that-walks-like-a-man-it-wants-ketchup-on-its-hot-dog/33722.md?page=2)