# Being called "young man" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2020, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937 "2020-06-02T17:39:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2020, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/21 "2020-06-03T01:01:05Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > And \*\*Chessic \*\*- I’m 66 and while I’m no longer as active or strong as I was 30 years ago, there’s no way that “everything in [my] body is hurting, sagging, or broken.” And it’s been about a month since I bought some new jeans and shirts. Yeah, but you’re a woman. I was addressing a man. Men his age haven’t purchased new outerclothing in decades. Shopping? That’s a young man’s game. They’re happy to wear the same t shirt they’ve been wearing for 30 years. It only has a few holes. That rip on the left side is part of the charm. Studies that I just made up suggest that half of the clothes women throw away are their husband’s, and of those, 76.2% are done secretly while another 15% are done in the open, but against his will. But anyway, are you saying 66 is old or not? ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2020, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/22 "2020-06-03T11:17:44Z")
My friend and I were walking in the park when a man about 50 greeted us as “young ladies.” We’re both in our sixties. I took his words as a compliment, meaning we look youthful. :smack: My friend thought he was insulting us for being old. I should’ve asked him how he meant it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2020, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/23 "2020-06-03T13:10:53Z")
I was happy when I was “carded” in my 30’s but that was decades ago. Now when young ladies flirt with me, I know it’s because I appear totally harmless. I wonder if those calling middle-aged people “young” are just following a script: in their training the label becomes a politeness with little meaning. In the non-English country where I live, a pronoun implying “old” is sometimes used with younger people just for politeness! > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In what way is 56 not old? It’s been 20 years since you purchased new clothes. Your music gets put on special stations specifically for old people. You have no idea who popular celebrities are. You get special discounts at stores because of your age. Everything in your body is either hurting, sagging, or broken. In what form or fashion is 56 not squarely in the middle of “old”? :eek: Wow! :eek: (I wish I were 56 again.) ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2020, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/24 "2020-06-03T15:01:26Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In what way is 56 not old? It’s been 20 years since you purchased new clothes. Your music gets put on special stations specifically for old people. You have no idea who popular celebrities are. You get special discounts at stores because of your age. Everything in your body is either hurting, sagging, or broken. In what form or fashion is 56 not squarely in the middle of “old”? Wow, really? One statement in that post is correct, about the discounts, which is out of anyone’s power. Broad brush anyone? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2020, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/25 "2020-06-03T15:15:44Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > **Dingbang** , there’s no need to feel down… The third post, and a clear winner. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/26 "2020-06-04T01:31:42Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > Wow, really? One statement in that post is correct, about the discounts, which is out of anyone’s power. Broad brush anyone? :rolleyes: The discounts isn’t true either. Discounts rarely start before 60, and sometimes not before 65. 56 isn’t even at the beginning of discounts, let alone in the middle of it. I thought that post had to be a joke at first; but Chessic Sense seems to be doubling down on it – or maybe not, since their second post on the subject refers to “studies that I just made up.” – Newtosite, the question isn’t just whether the man thought he was giving a compliment or not. It’s that, in order for it to be a compliment, it presumably would have to be the opposite of a compliment to acknowledge that you’re not young: in other words, using “young” as a compliment implies that there’s something wrong with being old. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/27 "2020-06-04T01:53:31Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In what way is 56 not old? It’s been 20 years since you purchased new clothes. Your music gets put on special stations specifically for old people. You have no idea who popular celebrities are. You get special discounts at stores because of your age. Everything in your body is either hurting, sagging, or broken. In what form or fashion is 56 not squarely in the middle of “old”? Wow…just. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/28 "2020-06-04T02:05:43Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In what way is 56 not old? It’s been 20 years since you purchased new clothes. Your music gets put on special stations specifically for old people. You have no idea who popular celebrities are. You get special discounts at stores because of your age. Everything in your body is either hurting, sagging, or broken. In what form or fashion is 56 not squarely in the middle of “old”? This is the same guy who thinks social security recipients shouldn’t get stimulus package payments. ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/29 "2020-06-04T04:00:03Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > – Newtosite, the question isn’t just whether the man thought he was giving a compliment or not. It’s that, in order for it to be a compliment, it presumably would have to be the opposite of a compliment to acknowledge that you’re not young: in other words, using “young” as a compliment implies that there’s something wrong with being old. I get that. I guess I wanted to be Pollyannaish about it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/30 "2020-06-04T04:12:01Z")
Miss Manners, as usual, [nails it](https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2014/sep/22/miss-manners-repay-volunteers-with-lots-of-thanks/): > [@](#): > > DEAR MISS MANNERS: When well-meaning people refer to persons of a certain age as “young lady” or “young man” when they clearly are seniors, it is condescending and really rather insulting. It indicates that the speaker has taken notice of how old the “young” lady or man really is. > > Similarly, to be called “xx years young” rather than “old” is just unbearably cutesy and cringe-worthy. > > Do these folks, who apparently think they are being sweet, believe that we are so simple-minded with age that we will not catch the implicit insult? > > GENTLE READER: They at least assume that old people share their feeling that old age is embarrassing, if not shameful. > > Unfortunately, many do. But while such people may cherish the idea that they pass for younger than they actually are, Miss Manners agrees with you that they cannot be so naive as to believe that these half-jocular comments are proof of having done so. Rather, as you say, this is patronizing evidence of focusing on the actual age of people while pretending to mistake them for youths. I sympathize with service workers who are ordered to address older people as “young man” or “young lady” because their bosses think it sounds friendly, but it’s still overly familiar and discourteous. A startled look and a puzzled “I beg your pardon?” usually fixes it, as long as you’re clearly middle-aged or older. ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2020, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/31 "2020-06-04T10:16:40Z")
oh yes, I hate this. I am a 50 year old woman and a 30ish male doctor addressed me as “young lady” and I nearly punched him. I don’t know what he was trying to convey but the effect was to make me feel like he thought I was elderly. I guess people who do this think they are being nice but they are highlighting the relative status of youth and age in our culture, namely: it’s good to be young and bad to be old and the best thing you could say about someone who is old is they don’t look as old as they are. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/32 "2020-06-05T21:46:38Z")
I was 49 when I retired from the Navy. One of the strangest things about my new job was working with people who could legitimately call me that. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937/33 "2020-06-05T22:23:04Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Yeah, but you’re a woman. I was addressing a man. Men his age haven’t purchased new outerclothing in decades. Shopping? That’s a young man’s game. They’re happy to wear the same t shirt they’ve been wearing for 30 years. It only has a few holes. That rip on the left side is part of the charm. > > Studies that I just made up suggest that half of the clothes women throw away are their husband’s, and of those, 76.2% are done secretly while another 15% are done in the open, but against his will. > > But anyway, are you saying 66 is old or not? My husband is 63. I can’t begin to list how many new garments he’s bought himself in the last year or two. And heaven help me if I try to toss any of his clothes - I consider it a victory if I can get him to get rid of clothes that no longer fit. And considering I’m retired and probably in the last quarter of my life, yeah, I qualify as old, at least chronologically. Plus I get all kinds of senior discounts, on the rare occasions when I remember to ask. But I don’t sit around moaning about aches and pains, and I still mow my own lawn and hang my laundry out to dry. And my usual attire is jeans and sneaks, not shiny polyester housedresses. In a lot of ways, being old is a state of mind. And I am \*not \*a young lady. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-called-young-man/854937.md?page=1)