# Being embarrassed of embarrassment? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608 "2006-06-21T18:51:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/1 "2006-06-21T18:51:14Z")
Has anyone experienced this? I think the causes and effects of embarrassment has been well studied. But, I have not heard or read a lot about this phenomenon. I experience this quite often. When I feel awkward or embarrassed, I try my best to hide it. If someone acknowledges it, I feel way worse than before. I’ve heard of people saying that if they blush, and if someone mentions it, they blush even more. I’m not really sure why. Unlike anger, it’s not an emotion that other people look down on. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/2 "2006-06-21T18:55:05Z")
If your embarrassment is noticed and commented on, you are exposed as vulnerable. It’s playing on a very deep-seated fear. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/3 "2006-06-21T19:18:44Z")
I find it really defuses things to say something like “Oh dear, how embarassing” or “I’m so embarassed.” Then, instead of thinking “What an idiot/klutz/loser/weirdo,” people say “That’s okay, don’t worry, it happens to everyone!” Try it! I still experience what you describe when it comes to sadness - if I’m sad, and people say “Are you okay?” or “I’m so sorry” or “do you want to talk about it” then I will cry for sure. If they don’t mention it, I’m fine. ---
**Author:** ![TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBoneyKingofNowhere)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/4 "2006-06-21T19:28:49Z")
Wait a minute, isn’t the whole point of being embarrassed the fact that it’s obvious to everyone that the reason for being embarrased actually exists? So you’re saying that (1) someone openly highlighting the action/embarrasing event either increases the original embarrasement, or (2) revealing your embarrasment is embarrasing within itself, which doesn’t make sense to me if the first part of my post is true…? er…? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/5 "2006-06-21T20:53:54Z")
I’m actually the opposite. Like **cowgirl** , I’ve found that admitting my embarrassment will keep people from laughing at me. Instead, they’ll sympathize. I’ve also found that it’s a good way of making people feel guilty or ashamed if they’re intentionally trying to embarrass me. ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/6 "2006-06-27T10:03:52Z")
Depends on how you show embarrassment. Like, say you fall down in the cafeteria at school. If you get up and people laugh and you run away crying, they’ll laugh more and be really cruel (some will, anyway.) whereas if you get up and take a bow, people will usually laugh and then forget about it. I don’t get embarrassed in situations like falling down in class or farting in front of my grandmother or whatever. I can just laugh that off. But I’m a terrible blusher. People like to tease me, and THAT’S when I get embarrassed. When people say foul sexual things to me just to see me squirm. Like at work, I’ll be doing my job and get blindsided by my manager- “Dorothy!” “yeah?” “Ricky wants to lick your pussy. Should I tell his wife?” that’s when I turn bright red. And then, of course, someone says, “aww, you’re blushing.” and I turn purple. It’s not so much that I’m embarrassed by being embarrassed as that I’m embarrassed that I don’t know how to respond. It’s like when I start crying- I’m upset for some reason and then I’m even more upset at myself for being such a baby. I get embarrassed and then I start beating myself up for not being able to stand up for myself and showing everyone that I’m an easy target just becuase i couldn’t think of anything to say. ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/7 "2006-06-27T10:18:20Z")
> [@SurrenderDorothy](#): > > When people say foul sexual things to me just to see me squirm. Like at work, I’ll be doing my job and get blindsided by my manager- “Dorothy!” “yeah?” “Ricky wants to lick your pussy. Should I tell his wife?” that’s when I turn bright red. And then, of course, someone says, “aww, you’re blushing.” and I turn purple. > It’s not so much that I’m embarrassed by being embarrassed as that I’m embarrassed that I don’t know how to respond. . I know how \*I \*would respond to that. I would say "Hey, manager, I forgot to mention, some guy at the EEOC would really like to talk to you. Should I tell your lawyer to come along or do you want to do it? Or words to that effect. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2006, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-embarrassed-of-embarrassment/361608/8 "2006-06-27T10:47:49Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Has anyone experienced this? > > I think the causes and effects of embarrassment has been well studied. But, I have not heard or read a lot about this phenomenon. > > I experience this quite often. When I feel awkward or embarrassed, I try my best to hide it. If someone acknowledges it, I feel way worse than before. I’ve heard of people saying that if they blush, and if someone mentions it, they blush even more. I’m not really sure why. Unlike anger, it’s not an emotion that other people look down on. Yup, I sometimes get that; on a couple of occasions, it’s been really terrible, for example, sitting in church (half)listening to a sermon when the preacher suddenly mentions something nasty - say, rape or paedophilia - The social awkwardness of hearing such a thing _in church_ is something I find embarrassing, so I sit there _knowing_ I’m starting to blush, but now I’m thinking “people will see me blushing and think I’m doing so out of guilt”, which only serves to turn me as red as a beet. Of course faking a coughing fit to try to cover it only draws even more attention…