# Being someone's exact physical type - win or skeevy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2023, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428 "2023-02-07T11:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/41 "2023-02-09T15:01:59Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > There’s a reason that other than SDMB I’m 100% absent from the public internet. The best OPSEC is simply to be invisible to the opposition Are women the enemy, then? ETA: I see what you’re saying, but framing it in military terms like that seems…odd. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/42 "2023-02-09T15:10:12Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I have a friend who was having trouble dating because he’s in Wikipedia. And Wikipedia said he was married. Why didn’t he just change it? it is Wikipedia after all. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/43 "2023-02-09T16:33:29Z")
You aren’t allowed to edit your own entry in wikipedia. And you need a reference, wikipedia is very strict about not being a primary source, and requiring cites. There was chatter in his Facebook post and comments about how he could create something that a friend could use as a cite to update wikipedia. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/44 "2023-02-09T17:00:09Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > but I guess I would have preferred someone who likes _me_ for the whole package rather than just ticking some kind of box. Except…you’re meeting him on Tinder? Such apps do not lend themselves to “the whole package”, they’re pretty much predicated on “looks”. If that bothers you, then Tinder probably isn’t for you. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/45 "2023-02-09T17:00:53Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > There was chatter in his Facebook post and comments about how he could create something that a friend could use as a cite to update wikipedia. I once had a friend who wanted to fix me up with a friend of hers. I told her I was open to meeting her sometime for a drink. My friend talked to her friend and then got back in touch with me. Before setting up a time/place to meet, the woman wanted a copy of my divorce decree as well as a short autobiography. I failed to comply and didn’t have a Wikipedia page, so we never met. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/46 "2023-02-09T17:09:14Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > Except…you’re meeting him on Tinder? Such apps do not lend themselves to “the whole package”, they’re pretty much predicated on “looks”. If that bothers you, then Tinder probably isn’t for you. That was my thought. I assume that many people use Tinder to find potential partners, and then investigate “the whole package”. But pretty much all matches on Tinder start out with “that person looks good to me”. So, is he interested in the rest of you? If so, and you are interested in him, meet again. Otherwise, maybe not. And maybe consider a different dating app if “he thinks you are hot” makes you feel weird. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/47 "2023-02-09T17:26:18Z")
I tend to disagree with the idea that dating apps are about looks only, or rather, I feel there’s more to see in photos than just the appeal of a body. One of the reasons is that I once got a serious relationship out of one of them, even if that’s not necessarily what I want now. Of course we swipe on who we find attractive, but let’s say I reject a lot of attractive guys because they don’t transmit anything to me becaus they stare emptily into space or looks like they love themselves, whereas people who look like they have intelligence, interests and interesting hobbies get a yes. And I do read the bio, too. In any case, to me there is plenty of middle ground between “hot body, who cares about the brain” and “it’s only the inside that counts”. I am there for what on app-speak is called "connection ", which I interpret as “I am not above some casual fun with a hot guy, but if I can’t have a nice evening hanging out with you as a friend and feel respected as a person, then I won’t enjoy sex with you”. And I’ve had some success on apps on finding what I was looking for. As I’ve explained before, I think finding me hot is not so much the problem as seeing “my” body objectified in some (not too classy) sexy accounts that is kind of a turn off. Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/48 "2023-02-09T17:56:18Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I tend to disagree with the idea that dating apps are about looks only, It’s Tinder, in particular, that has that reputation. Or at least had back when it started. I got married just before Tinder started, so I don’t have first-hand experience with that particular app, but It seemed to skew for far more casual than places like Match (which I used) or OK Cupid, or whatnot. It may have changed – I have known people who have gotten married after meeting on Tinder, too. But I know it mostly as a “hook-up” type of app. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/49 "2023-02-09T18:44:22Z")
Yes, I know, but I lived for four years with someone off Tinder and a good friend moved in with her Tinder date over a year ago, so I don’t think it’s completely deserved. Even so, I don’t mind hook-up but more in a friends-with-benefits way, than just looking for a hot body and never mind the brain attached to it. For example, I personally wouldn’t hook op with someone who really was an out and out fetishist even if they were hot, as being treated like just a body doesn’t turn me on. Not saying that is the case here, but can you see how someone might not like that, even if it was just a hook-up? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/50 "2023-02-09T18:53:46Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Not saying that is the case here, but can you see how someone might not like that, even if it was just a hook-up? Of course. It all depends, for me, how far down the fetish spectrum this is. As a bald, bespectacled middle-aged man, I’m not sure I will ever encounter someone far enough down that that spectrum that it bugs me, because there’s not much of a spectrum to begin with. But, yes, I’d need to be comfortable with the person in other ways other than physical attraction before I’d be able to hook up. And it seems you have some of that going for you, already. Sounds like he definitely has a type, but it doesn’t sound like he’s shown any warning signs from your description of your interaction with him that pass the line of just being a very strong “type” he is attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/51 "2023-02-09T19:12:34Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > demanding a date who never watches porn is going to be extremely limiting, and also, I don’t even have that as a requirement. So why does actually catching someone at it make it problematic? > [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > seeing “my” body objectified in some (not too classy) sexy accounts Objectively, you understand that a single man is going to watch porn, or something porn like, on occasion. However, you don’t want that porn to be pictures of you, you want it to be of someone else. I think it makes perfect sense, and feeling uneasy is a natural consequence of the fact you identify in some way with the women he follows. It doesn’t mean that he’s skeevy or covered in red flags, but if you pursue a relationship, you may need to reframe this situation for yourself so it doesn’t weird you out so much. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/52 "2023-02-09T21:00:23Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > It would creep me out to know that somebody I was considering dating was checking up on me to pass judgment on whether my interests were skeevy. > > The very desire to do such snooping seems deeply skeevy to me. LOL, same planet, different worlds. I have my Twitter profile on the dating apps, you can’t text me for 2 days without me sending you a SDMB link about whatever Godforsaken topic we have found ourselves going forth on, hell, I’ll send you my address so you can check me out on [BCAD.org](http://BCAD.org) to see if I actually own the house I’m claiming to own, IDGAF. You want to go to Facebook and look at my pictures? Well, I did put them on Facebook and made them public, go wild. My ex-wife, my daughter, and at least three women I have dated have SDMB logins. You want to read about my past, ladies, I’ve got twenty years worth right here. It’s great content, really! Let me know if you have any questions! 😆 Jokes aside, I want women to know as much about me as makes them comfortable, and I do not begrudge them their caution. * * * And as far as the “type” question, I don’t have a type, but I do have ranges. But the one thing that matters most are eyes. If you have mean eyes (do not ask me to define, tyvm, this is _my_ definition just as your choices are by _your_ definitions), very little else matters. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2023, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/53 "2023-02-09T22:26:00Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Even so, I don’t mind hook-up but more in a friends-with-benefits way, than just looking for a hot body and never mind the brain attached to it. For example, I personally wouldn’t hook op with someone who really was an out and out fetishist even if they were hot, as being treated like just a body doesn’t turn me on. Not saying that is the case here, but can you see how someone might not like that, even if it was just a hook-up? I’m a man, so take this for what it’s worth (that is, my experience with online dating was I am sure very different from yours; although I did meet my wife that way. eHarmony, though, not Tinder). If you knew that he was into curvy ladies because he told you, either directly or by implication (“You’re so thicc!”), that might be a red flag. But it sounds like you’re only aware of his predilections because you deliberately checked his social media; if I understand what you’ve written, the only comment he’s made about your appearance was to call you “pretty”, and the rest has been about your common tastes in movies and such. That doesn’t read as “only in it for the trophy” to me; but again, I’m a man, so I parse these things differently than a woman would, I’m sure. TL:DR version: What @kenobi_65, @elbows, @ZipperJJ, and @pulykamell have all said. ---
**Author:** ![SunUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SunUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunUp)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/54 "2023-02-10T00:15:40Z")
An author figured out a way to make this happen: > **[A Totally Normal Interview With Writer Emily St. John Mandel](https://slate.com/culture/2022/12/emily-st-john-mandel-divorced-wikipedia.html)** > > This is just a news story in a reputable outlet about a prominent author, that's all. Short synopsis (spoilered): the author tweeted about her need to make her divorce known to Wikipedia and the writer (of the article) called her up to do a quickie interview where she could establish that she was, in fact, divorced. Of course, this approach doesn’t scale very well - and if it did, Wikipedia would probably start frowning on it… ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/55 "2023-02-10T01:45:17Z")
I’m wondering what the OP’s reaction would have been if the “type” she saw on the guy’s social media was the opposite of her: if she’s short, curvy, and dark haired, what if he seemed to go for tall, thin, blonde women? I’m guessing that would make the concerns even greater: am I just some kink he’s trying out? He can’t actually be attracted to me, right, since I don’t fit his profile? Which is to say, I suspect that any concerns would arise regardless of what the guy actually posted; instead, it’s just a general wariness about dating, and the motivations of people, which is perhaps not too surprising given this is in the context of dating apps (where skeevy and lecherous predominates). ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/56 "2023-02-10T09:18:48Z")
Ha! Good question! I would probably be either nonplussed or figured I’d got there on the strength of my personality - which I do manage quite often. 😉 And actually, of course, part of me is also delighted with the information. In the end, I think it was the “sexy Insta profiles” that probably caused the problem, which makes my thread badly named, but I only discovered that thinking through it with all of you. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/57 "2023-02-10T09:19:28Z")
Bookmarked to read later. She’s one of my favourite authors,so in any case, thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/58 "2023-02-10T16:14:28Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I once had a friend who wanted to fix me up with a friend of hers. I told her I was open to meeting her sometime for a drink. My friend talked to her friend and then got back in touch with me. > > Before setting up a time/place to meet, the woman wanted a copy of my divorce decree as well as a short autobiography. Yeah, that seems weird. Traditionally, introduction by a mutual friend is supposed to be a form of screening in and of itself. If your potential date wants information about your life and/or whether you’re divorced, why doesn’t she just ask her/your friend, who presumably is in a position to know? Asking for documentation in addition to a mutual-friend personal introduction strikes me as excessively diligent. (Disclaimer: middle-aged, minimal social media presence, haven’t dated seriously in decades, so what do I know.) ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2023, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/59 "2023-02-10T16:37:30Z")
So many times the things which one needs reassurance on are things which one has been burned on before. Would not be surprised if divorced-papers woman has a story behind that reason. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2023, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/60 "2023-02-17T13:35:04Z")
[Relevant YouTube link.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ImoOi1wzfEk) For certain values of “relevant.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428.md?page=4)