# Being someone's exact physical type - win or skeevy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2023, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428 "2023-02-07T11:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 11
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2023, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428/11 "2023-02-07T18:58:26Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Reading this cold (and obviously I don’t know you) it sounds a bit like classic feminine paranoia - you don’t think you’re anything special in the looks department, and therefore this guy must be a freak for liking your looks. > > Read it back to yourself. We all have looks that appeal to us, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. And if he treats you well, is interested in your personality and doesn’t get handsy too quickly, I say go with it. As the other guy in the thread so far, I’ll echo this. With some adjustments. Men are more visual than women when it comes to mate selection. I have a size / shape / color profile of women I prefer. Somebody outside those (rather loose) parameters has no chance of attracting my interest. That doesn’t make me a fetishist about the parameters I prefer. It makes me a man. You (presumably) have preferences for male mannerisms, smells, behaviors, attitudes, or whatever. And maybe for looks / shape / color too. Men lacking those particular attributes are off your list before you begin. That doesn’t make you a fetishist; it makes you a woman. So that’s you and me. What none of us know is this guy you’re talking about. He may in fact be giving off a real fetishistic, or at least fixated vibe. That would be IMO a warning sign, not a stop sign. Unless he’s really giving off wacko-vibes in which case the stop sign applies. Another mostly unrelated point: The LDR thing is definitely unhelpful for getting a relationship started. But it can also be a real nice “get out of jail free” card when the relationship has been tried but is going nowhere. LDR makes it easy to have a no-fault split over the logistics more than the personalities. And means the aftermath is easier; they won’t naturally be showing at your grocery store or hangouts just because they happen to live nearby or have friends in common with you. Rather the opposite; you two will never cross paths again either deliberately or by accident. Simple, sweet, and no-fault. Disengagement doesn’t get any easier than that. This easy disengagement option being on the table says you can press ahead into the early stages of the relationship with more confidence and less fear. You already _know_ the getting out will be unusually easy, so the risk of getting trapped in a mess is less, not more. At least in the early stages. Here is a thread from last summer that may have some relevance for you. It’s a different set of specifics, but it’s about when & why subtle adverse hints turn into warning signs turn into stop signs. I suggest you read what those folks have to say about that situation and see how it might be applied to your situation. The OP in that thread also refers to an earlier thread that you might usefully review as well. > [@Is a dating red flag the same as a deal-breaker?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976): > > Is a dating red flag the same thing as a deal-breaker? [poll](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-a-dating-red-flag-the-same-as-a-deal-breaker/969976/1) I haven’t posted in [this thread about home schooling being a red flag for dating,](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-re-dating-is-finding-out-someone-was-home-schooled-a-red-flag/969723) but several posters raised an interesting question that I was also wondering about. Before this thread popped up I never really considered a dating red flag to be a deal-breaker. My friends and I consider red flags to be warnings that add up to deal-breakers that, at the very least, deserve some investigation. For example, I consider it a red flag if a p… --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-someones-exact-physical-type-win-or-skeevy/979428)._