# Being truly transparent **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2016, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275 "2016-06-02T02:48:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![quantumleap2016](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f08c70/32.png) [@quantumleap2016](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quantumleap2016)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/1 "2016-06-02T02:48:07Z")
I am really trying to work on taking time out of social activities after work. It has gotten to the point where I am really drained…I know people may ask don’t go…stay at home and rest…just to give a backstory- I feel pressured to get married by parents and society…therefore I go out seeking to find someone. (By the way I am 34) .I hate feeling like that…desperate. I am really trying to break that habit…uncover any blind spots…anybody have any ideas on how to break this very bad habit? Any potential blind spots? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/2 "2016-06-02T03:14:58Z")
It’s easy to give platitudes, but, really, the only one who can help you is you. “You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.” If they truly care for you, they won’t want you to get hurt trying to do too much. And if they don’t truly care for you…nuts to 'em. Another song: “They do what they wanna do, say what they wanna say Live how they wanna live, play how they wanna play Dance how they wanna dance, kick and the slap a friend The Addams family.” Also, if you don’t really want to get married, but do it just to please your parents, what the hell kind of marriage would it be? It’s tremendously unfair of you to do this to someone! How’d you feel if you were married and found that your bride didn’t actually love you, but just married you to please her parents? Insulted? Hurt? No matter how bad your life is, deceiving someone that was is unjustifiable. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/3 "2016-06-02T03:31:16Z")
I know what your are dealing with. When I was in my 30’s, I felt a lot of pressure to get married, but I couldn’t find anyone I wanted to spend my life with. By the time I got to my 40’s, the pressure got worse, but by the mid-to-late 40’s, most of my family finally figured out that I was just hard to please, I guess. The pressure lessened, at least. Then, as a surprise to me (and to my family, I guess), when I was 49 I found the love of my life, the perfect person to fill my faults and would let me fill theirs. The best thing to happen to me in half a century, and probably for all time. My advice, don’t worry about what other people think about you. You can’t do anything about that. Worry about what you think about other people. You can change that, and doing so will change your life (for the better, is my guess). ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/4 "2016-06-02T03:49:58Z")
No one is attracted to desperation. ---
**Author:** ![quantumleap2016](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f08c70/32.png) [@quantumleap2016](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quantumleap2016)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/5 "2016-06-02T03:53:22Z")
Thank you. …"Don’t worry about what other people think, worry about what you think about other people… I really got that… ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/6 "2016-06-02T03:58:14Z")
It’s very possible to be extremely happy as a single. Embrace it and be a happy single. A random side effect of being a happy single is your attractiveness increases exponentially and you might find yourself fighting off offers of marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/7 "2016-06-02T04:35:31Z")
34 years old and ypu still worry about being pressured by your parents? Grow up! ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/8 "2016-06-02T10:01:42Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > No one is attracted to desperation. Unless the one who’s attracted is also desperate. I’ve seen this with my own eyes more than once. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/9 "2016-06-02T15:03:27Z")
> [@kiz](#): > > Unless the one who’s attracted is also desperate. > > I’ve seen this with my own eyes more than once. I bet it never turned out well. Live your life. Let them live theirs. They’ll have opinions and advice. Those opinions are theirs, not yours. You’re not obligated to agree and conform. If you don’t, and they get upset, that’s not your fault. The only people who can make them unhappy is themselves, and the only person who can make you unhappy is you. ---
**Author:** ![quantumleap2016](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f08c70/32.png) [@quantumleap2016](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quantumleap2016)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/10 "2016-06-02T16:03:38Z")
Thank you ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/11 "2016-06-02T17:00:44Z")
So, I’m the only one who found the OP slightly less than fully coherent, I guess? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/12 "2016-06-02T21:12:57Z")
**Vinyl Turnip** : It seemed pretty clear, overall. Could have benefited from some editing. Shrug. ---
**Author:** ![wellanuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@wellanuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wellanuff)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/13 "2016-06-03T01:41:31Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > So, I’m the only one who found the OP slightly less than fully coherent, I guess? No, no… you are not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/being-truly-transparent/756275/14 "2016-06-04T01:53:28Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > So, I’m the only one who found the OP slightly less than fully coherent, I guess? No. The title seems wryly ironic too.