Being upset about hurting means you hurt more...so suck it up, Nancy!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I had back surgery in August 2006. It sounds menacing, but these days “back surgery” doesn’t mean you’re in bed for months. I walked out of the hospital and slept in my own bed the night of the surgery (a microdiscectomy and laminotony, FTR…removal and clean-up of a ruptured disc that was displacing a nerve root and otherwise causing painful mayhem), and was able to return to work a month later. I’ve had stiffness and muscle pain since, but the nerve pain was gone…until two weeks ago.

A death in the family meant a 4.5 hour flight, plus 2 hours in a car, twice in 4 days. My back completely freaked out. I’ve seen the doctor, a massage therapist/chiropractor in training, and spoken to my neurosurgeon…everyone thinks it’s just a severe spasm, but the pain level and its interference in my ability to live my life–plus the fact that the FUCKING NERVE PAIN IS BACK shooting hot knives down the back of my leg–freaks me out a little. I’m seeing the pain specialist (who will undoubtedly want to prescribe opiates to me AGAIN even though I refuse them AGAIN) next week for hopefully a referral for a new MRI, but until then, I’m using heat, ice, ibuprofen, exercise, and stretches to try and remain functional. I’m also trying to keep a good attitude, but this has understandably frazzled me. There’s been some crying spells, brought on by the physical pain itself as well as frustration.

So I go to www.spineuniverse.com to look up some more info on what I can do in the meantime, and I read this gem from their “I Still Have Back Pain! Now What?” page:

Oh, well, FUCK me. Thanks a whole lot, body, for designing me so that a natural reaction to pain will MAKE IT HURT MORE.

Stupid neurochemistry.

sigh

It’s not that bad, the good news is I do feel better now than two weeks ago, blah blah blah…but that honked my horn. Grumble.

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Pain means stop. It means letting go emotionally to all the faults, and expectations, and just try to heal. It means that every single thing that "I have to . . . " has to be better than getting over the pain. It means sleep. When you can’t sleep, get up and eat, then go back to sleep. When it hurts less, start slowly. When it hurts more, stop again. If a saber toothed tiger starts chasing you, hurting is not as important as getting away. The task your boss says “Has to be done tomorrow” is not a saber toothed tiger.

Tris
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Thank you for your kind words, Trisk. You are absolutely correct, and two weeks ago, when this spasm first appeared, I had no other choice but to rest. As a Type-A personality, stopping is very difficult for me to do.

Thing is, medical advice about treating back pain has changed. Twenty years ago, when I first hurt my back as a foolish and supposedly invincible teen, the treatment was: stay in bed for two weeks, lie only in this prescribed position, take muscle relaxants and high dose of anti-inflammatories 24/7, and avoid sitting/walking/standing/moving like the plague.

Now the advice (from my pain specialist, neurosurgeon, general practitioner, and physical therapists) is: live your life as normally as possible. If something hurts, don’t do it.

It IS getting better. This morning, getting out of bed was ouchy, but not crippling. I was able to shave my legs without pain (with the hot water showering over my back). And spineuniverse.com says most back spasms/injuries fade after 4-6 weeks…so it’s been two, big deal.

I just can’t get over that getting understandably emotional over dealing with this again makes things worse. Who the hell thought that was a good plan while designing our neurochemistry? Grrr.

So, my “treatment” is watching comedies, playing with my son, and spending as much time with my horses as I can. I told DeathLlama last night–the hour and change spent at the barn yesterday was the only time I didn’t realize I was in pain. Just being around the girls is therapeutic, and that’s in keeping with what Spine Universe says, too…

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Do you know what initially caused the back problems? As for that quote, maybe it meant chronic anger, frustration, and depression, instead of occassional outbursts? I dont know.

In any case, hang in there, and do your best to try and focus on getting better. Ever watched anime? It’s an interesting hobby that could get your mind off the pain for a bit perhaps. Let me know if you are interested :slight_smile: