-Excuse me, you are a wild animal, aren’t you?
-Yes.
-Pardon me, but have you ever been fried, filleted, splayed, displayed, maimed, spavined, roasted or toasted?
-No.
-Humiliated, objurgated, flattened, minced, injected, rejected, infected, tortured, powdered, hunted, or shot?
-No.
-You just lie around all day doing nothing?
-Yes.
-HERE’S ONE!!!
(whoosh) (BANG!) (snap) (ka-pow) (zZzing) (wham)
You really should stop the speed reading:
I think that it was Portney who said, “What exactly is feminine protection? A chartreuse flame-thrower?”
Lady at Deathtounge show: Do you know any Barry Manilow?
Opus: We have “Hari-Kari for Barry”.
Lady: Oh? Thats one of his?
Timing, and absurdity. For instance, out of the blue, suggesting the casting of Eric Estrada for some production (aside from Opus, a slave to the tabloids: “He needs the work”).
Bloom County appeared during a Doonesbury hiatus, which created a lot of comparisons. C&H came out a few years later. I can’t rank Bloom County over or under C&H - they’re both brilliant.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Jeff Olsen *
**
Apologies to Jeff, who obviously knows his stuff. I’ll remember to not post before my eyes are fully open from now on.
And kudos to matt_mcl as well. Anyone that can pull up a Rosebud strip is A-OK in my book 
OK, another great one:
Yaz: Name one name, just one name that’s wierder than “Yaz Pistachio”
Opus: “Berkely Breathed”
Yaz: OK, name two
Thanks guys–I needed this today.
I still say “a thousand apologies” to people–I think only my brothers get it.
“A Wish for Wings that Worked” was incredible–“eww, eww! A hairball! Don’t touch that thing!” Genius.
The one I think about from time to time was when the unfortunate Opus was struck by the falling satellite, and no one would help him because they were unsure whether “he still got Cheez-Whiz in his knickers?”
Hah, she says in a haughty tone, I still have my Billy and the Boingers 45 and it is pure and pristine. I’ve never even listened to it (largely because I couldn’t find our record player!).
Can you grimace musically?
I’d like my milkshake without the cup–you said I could get it my way.
“An albatross! She left me for an albatross! With great big loooong wings! Oh my Delores…”
“P O R K–you know, the other white meat?”
My husband must be tired of all the Opus and Bill cards he gets…don’t know if he fully understands them or not.
Sigh…I need my books.
Milo at the Lost & Found department of a department store (paraphrased)(severely)
Milo: Excuse me, I’ve lost my youthful idealism.
Man: Your what?
Milo: My youthful idealism. I used to have it but lately I just can’t seem to find it.
Man: Er…
Milo: And my sense of humor. Lately I’ve lost sight of that as well…
Man: um…
Milo: Now I’m losing my patience! I don’t suppose you’ve seen that lying around anywhere have you?!?
Man: I…er…
Milo: Oh, Great!! Now I’ve lost my TEMPER! So unless you’ve got THAT back in there, I shall bid you good day!!
Man: Puh…please!! Hasn’t anyone lost anything TANGIBLE?!?
Opus: Excuse me…I’ve lost my marbles.
I can go you one better: for about seven years, I lived in the actual Bloom County House that appears in the strip (on the corner of College and Summit streets; and yes, it still rents rooms). Between 1987 and 1994, you could see my Christmas Opus peeking from the curtains in the second story window over the stone arch. The fountain in that “Spic-n-Span” cartoon (affectionately known as ‘Three Ladies Pissing’–the fountain, not the cartoon) has been removed and replaced with something a bit less treacherous for the kiddies to play in. Another bit of history gone.
It took me a while, but I finally made it to this thread. I’ve got too many favourites, but here are a few.
Teacher - Fractions, ladies and gentlemints. Today’s math lesson is on fractions. Allow me to illustrate. This, dear children, is a grape. A grape that represents, shall we say… the total annual salary of a public schoolteacher. Now. First we’ll subtract a dozen mortgage payments. That’d be about 1/4… And food… that’s about 1/4… and 1/7 for clothes… 1/12 for gasoline… 1/10 for typewriter ribbons… and a whopping 3/10 for alimony payments to an ungrateful ex-wife!! Mr. Jones, please tell us what fraction remains to put toward an early and well-deserved retirement.
Oliver - Diddley/squat
Teacher holding watermelon - Now here’s the salary of a city garbage collector…
Then there was the ill fated quest for a better bod…
Local resident found unconscious with chest hair mysteriously ripped out
Steve’s attempt to quit smoking…
Opus God is my co-pilot.
Steve, after the aliens flopped his personality…
Milo What are those things on his face?
Opus What things?
Milo Those brown, thoughtful globs!
Opus His eyes!
Another fave from that time…
Steve Ever since I returned, I’ve been thinking of us, Quiche. I’d like you to consider a brave new level of commitment and emotional purity… I’m going to say just one word… and I want you to say the one word that first comes to your mind. Ready? Celibacy.
Quiche Don’t forget your hat on the way out.
Steve That’s eight words!
Opus in jail, after attacking the mime…
Opus Wh…What do you think I’ve got coming?
Steve A million. Maybe two.
Opus freaks out
Opus… YEARS?!
Steve Dollars! TV rights! What the hell are you slobbering about?
Your Mom turned you into her own little Michael Jackson, eh? Hee hee!
Now son… I know you… and I don’t want you experimenting with subliminal messages.
Like what?
Like “I feel like raising Oliver’s allowance…” or “I feel like taking Oliver out for ice cream.”
Or “I feel like shoving cucumbers up my nose and putting spam on my head?”
Let’s stay serious, son.
This is worse than when I put the sprinklers too close to car, isn’t it?
The “Cripps” blew it up 20 minutes ago, son…
Rosebud: There seems to be a diminutive bug in my boudoir.
A few panels later…
Cockleberry Cockroach: Say! Mind if I run in an’ out of your nose while you snooze? Don’t mind if I do!
Steve (placing personal ad): Fabulously handsome single male, 28, seeks tomato, 18-22, for manhandling and light housecleaning!
Clerk: There’s no such thing as walrus wafers!
Opus: Well, there should be.
‘Mr. Spock doesn’t say, “Let’s blast their buns off.”’
‘Yeah!’
‘Simp!’
Opus: Well, excuse me for living.
Ack! Thpttt!!!
Well, I mean, a space walrus…with photon flippers or something…
Oh yes, how appropriate.
I feel like Opus this morning.
You see, Saturday morning, while watching the wee morning hours of the broadcast TV schedule, I ordered $1100 worth of merchandise while under the influence of an infomercial.
Yes. Yes. And yes. I was drunk. The price was not really within my means. And I used a credit card.
But to my credit, the merchandise was a Bose Acoustic Wave Stereo System.
At least I didn’t order 273 of them!
Milo Bloom & his Grandpa sitting on a park bench; also on the bench is a pregnant woman.
Milo looks at the woman.
Milo: Do you love that baby in your tummy?
Pregnant lady: Why yes, I do, very much.
Milo: Then why did you eat it?
I had that taped to my fridge when I was pregnant with my son. I miss the strip a bunch.
“The Captain has a tomato!”
I still say “Pear Pimples for Hairy Fishnuts” from time to time.
Ginger
Okay, here’s a couple:
They’re exchanging Bill for Cutter John and the gang and Steve’s seeing Bill getting on to the plane. Both the Russian (er, Soviet) guy are thinking nasty thoughts about one another. Can’t really remember what Steve’s were, but one of the Soviet’s thoughts was absolutely priceless: “Sheep pimp.”
Then there was the strip where Cutter John was on a date and after an awkward bit of silence he asks, “Legs shaved?” To which her reply is, “Halfway.”
Finally, I, for one, always refer to the handicapped parking spots as “The Forbidden Handicapped Zone.”
Ah, memories.
Opus: Mrs. Langdon, I couldn’t help noticing one of your love letters to Mr. Langdon under the coffee grounds. May I read it? Dearest Walter Woogums: When we kiss, my toes ache. I live for it. Achingly, Ellie Sue
Mrs. Langdon: My name’s Fran.
Opus: Of course it is.
And:
Steve Dallas is lecturing the Boingers in the back of the RV.
Steve: No boozin’, no spittin’, no mooning the audience, no…uh…hold it. WHO’S DRIVING?
Opus: Keep your pants on. I pushed cruise control.
I still say The Far Side was the greatest ever, but Bloom County was right up there with it, a beautiful bright star in the firmament that was the golden age of the comics, the 1980’s.
Sigh.
I remember my favorite character was Oliver. “Bloody difficult being an agnostic these days.” Him and his Banana™.
I remember the DeathTounge/Billy and the Boingers tour coming to a premature end when Bill the Cat got “caught with his pants up” with a nun.
I remember the machine the aliens used on Steve Dallas’ brain was called a “Gephardization Machine”.
I particularly remember one strip…it had no dialouge, just Opus coming upon a billboard garishly proclaiming the dangers of snorting dandelions. After looking at the billboard for several frames, he turns and looks at a dandelion growing next to it. Then he snorts it.
Someone else pointed out that the animal rights storyline was one of the signs that the strip was declining. While I never like being preached to, and I didn’t really agree with what he was preaching, even in those strips Breathed was still able to make me laugh.
Sigh. Breathed. Larson. Watterston. Why did they have to leave us?
Or the beginning of what may have been the biggest fiasco in all comic history?
Milo: “Oliver, start pouring our illegal, controlled substance down the toilet!”
Opus: “Milo, I’m afraid I sold a bottle of our scalp tonic for slightly above the marked price.”
Milo: “We’ll keep it under our hats. How much?”
Opus: “$25,000”
Milo: “STOP POURING OLIVER!!!”
Opus: “I’m going to hell for this, aren’t I?”