# Besides the pre-marital sex . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593 "2009-09-10T19:27:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/1 "2009-09-10T19:27:28Z")
So I’m driving my daughter back to college and we’re talking about all manner of things. She recently turned 21, and her current drink of choice is Mike’s Hard Lemonade. So we talk some more about drinking, and touch upon drugs and cigarettes, when she elects to say, “I really had no interest in either of those. Besides pre-marital sex, I’ve really been a straight arrow!” :eek: I had no reason to believe she was a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I was dying to discuss her sexlife. So, what would your response have been? I think I turned on some tunes and then switched the topic to something or another. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/2 "2009-09-10T19:29:43Z")
I think I might have inquired as to which form of BC she was using and if she was also using a barrier method as well. And then I would have fiddled with the radio (because her answer better have been The Pill or X plus condoms). If not, more talking would have ensued. But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/3 "2009-09-10T19:44:20Z")
Please pardon my not knowing **Dinsdale** but are you this 21 yo’s mom or dad? Not sure what difference it makes, but it was the first thing I wondered. What’s your relationship with her like in general? Do you think she was trying to evoke a particular response? I was trying to think through why I might have brought up such a thing in her shoes\*. possibilities included: [ul] [li]She wanted to impress upon you that she’s an adult now[/li][li]She just wanted to shock you a tiny bit[/li][li]She assumed you knew and really wanted to assure you she won’t become a smoker[/li][/ul] I’d like to think my response would be similar to **eleanorigby** ’s. But by the time she’s 21, if I were confident she knew how to be safe and would use BC the details are definitely not my beeswax so I might say “la la la la I can’t hear you.” \*I’m 41 and I’ve NEVER spoken to either of my parents about sex. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/4 "2009-09-10T20:03:30Z")
Assuming that the birth control aspect has been covered, which it should be well before 21, there are two options: 1. Do the same she’d do if you alluded to your sex life in front of her. “La, la, la, I can’t hear you!” 2. There is nothing non-straight arrow about premarital sex, so long as you are careful. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/5 "2009-09-10T20:05:42Z")
I’m her dad, and we’ve always talked pretty freely about pretty much anything. She did say something along the lines of “besides premarital sex, and I’ve done that safely…” She has been on BC for some time, and had guardasil. Guess I should have ascertained whether they were using rubbers as well. Tho her mom and I have definitely spoken with our kids of it in the past. Guess it goes to show that no matter how long I’ve been at this parenting game, it is never too late to drop the ball! I get the impression that at 21 and as a senior, she is just starting to loosen up a bit, and said this at least in part to emphasize that - at least in many ways - she is becoming more of an independent adult. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/6 "2009-09-10T20:15:32Z")
I would have told her my opinion on the matter and asked that she digest it and consider it, and encourage her not to give me any other details, because they aren’t relevant. You aren’t hunting for an opinion based on her stories, and you are always free to state your case/opinion, and ask her to please consider it. Avoid the awkwardness. State your case succinctly. Ask her to consider it. Move on, but be firm about your opinion. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/7 "2009-09-10T21:11:01Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > So, what would your response have been? “Honey, I’ll make a deal with you. You don’t talk about pre-marital sex with me, and I won’t discuss all the times I’ve banged your mother.” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/8 "2009-09-10T21:26:57Z")
I’m female, and I only have sons, so it’s hard to relate. But I think that if I had a daughter my response would be, “Fuck this _premarital_ bit. _Do NOT_ get married.” ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/9 "2009-09-10T23:01:59Z")
I meant to say as well that I really don’t want to hear about that part of her life in any detail in future… I cannot imagine having this conversation with my sons, but if they mention it, I hope I’d be brave enough to not run shrieking from the room. Kudos to your daughter for having the nerve (and sense) to bring it up with you. (I always thought **Dinsdale** was female… sorry! I need to pay closer attention) ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/10 "2009-09-10T23:49:35Z")
It was the perfect opportunity for a full-on vaudeville spit-take. You’ll never get a chance like that again! ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/11 "2009-09-11T01:00:15Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > (I always thought **Dinsdale** was female… sorry! I need to pay closer attention) Dinsdale was a gentleman…and what’s more, he knew how to treat a female impersonator! [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/evj24bXakqg/hqdefault.jpg "Monty Python - Piranha Brothers (part 2)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evj24bXakqg) Ahem. Yeah, you warned her about STDs, PMS…forgot to tell her about TMI.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/12 "2009-09-11T01:23:17Z")
At least she felt comfortable enough to be honest with you. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/13 "2009-09-11T13:33:52Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > (I always thought **Dinsdale** was female… sorry! I need to pay closer attention) I get that a lot! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/14 "2009-09-11T14:48:48Z")
When my mom dropped me off at college for the very first time, the very last words out of her mouth as she drove away were not: “Study hard.” “Come home soon.” “Write often.” but “You come home from college pregnant, and I’ll kill you.” FTR, I’m a dude… ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/15 "2009-09-11T15:15:26Z")
From a different point on the parenting spectrum: I’ve been substituting as a teacher in a Mom’s Day Out program. So children ranging from fifteen months to four years are dropped off each day. Said one mother to her child “Don’t forget to chew with your mouth closed” Needless to say, that’s the least of his problems–it’s not that he’s a bad kid, but like most 2-3 year old boys, he’s prone to stealing toys, whining, pushing, etc. And he’s bitten someone or tried to more than once (this is NOT common in the program). ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/16 "2009-09-11T15:29:24Z")
I would have pulled into a gas station, bought some booze, and then proceeded to violate my state’s open container law in a motor vehicle. My little girl is 6, and I know that she will grow up someday. I just don’t want to think of things like that. I know that it is sexist, but tough… ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Buttons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@Mr\_Buttons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Buttons)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/17 "2009-09-11T15:56:34Z")
From the perspective of a 27 year old guy, I’ve off-handedly mentioned going to a strip club ONE time in front of my parents, the ensuing uncomfortable silence afterwords still sticks me 6 years after I said it. No way I’m going to be talking about banging anyone around my parents, ever! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/18 "2009-09-11T16:11:03Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > “Honey, I’ll make a deal with you. You don’t talk about pre-marital sex with me, and I won’t discuss all the times I’ve banged your mother.” This would be more effective if you changed the word “Times” to “Ways.” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/19 "2009-09-11T16:52:25Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > This would be more effective if you changed the word “Times” to “Ways.” I considered that, but I thought Dinsdale might want to keep it tasteful. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/20 "2009-09-11T17:03:56Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > I considered that, but I thought Dinsdale might want to keep it tasteful. Well, she has a brother and a sister, so she can assume at least 3 times . . . And no, my kids long ago realized that they oughtn’t count on “good taste” where their daddy is concerned. 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593.md?page=2)