# Besides the pre-marital sex . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593 "2009-09-10T19:27:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/41 "2009-09-14T20:50:21Z")
> [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](#): > > “Mike’s Hard Lemonade? _MIKE’S HARD LEMONADE?!_” Seriously. I’d like to join several other posters in this thread to express my disappointment that you did not raise her to be more responsible and to have more respect for herself. At least try to move her onto some girly frou frou beer like Leinie’s Berry Weiss. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/42 "2009-09-14T21:10:28Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I get the impression that at 21 and as a senior, she is just starting to loosen up a bit, :smack: ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/43 "2009-09-16T15:26:15Z")
**Dinsdale** , as a 22 y.o female with parents in the medical field, I have to thank you for taking the info in stride. I started the pill a few years ago without my parent’s knowledge for acne. I just couldn’t come clean to them, since they’d have accused me of doing it for ulterior motives. And I just can’t _wait_ until I’m engaged, and still pointed to a separate room in the house from my fiancee. The thing is, the girls who are the worst (I’m thinking the ones who, when filling out the questionnaire while waiting for the hpv vaccine, were mentally counting all the people they’d slept for awhile) are the ones who pretend to be the holiest. Your daughter no doubt is safe, and emotionally ready for it. Seriously, thanks for being there for her. I wish I were in her shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/44 "2009-09-16T17:38:44Z")
Thanks, **Lindsay**. Trying to be a good parent you continually realize how you are basically winging it as you go along, just trying to do the best you can. I am really happy when I see - as my kids are becoming young adults - signs that my wife and my efforts were somewhat successful in that respect. Re: the term pre-marital sex. I don’t know who uses that how frequently. I think it is a valid term in describing behavior without implying any morality. Maybe "extra-marital sex would be more accurate if you don’t want to imply an eventuality of marriage. But that could also include a married person having sex with someone other than their spouse. And yeah, I guess you could just say “sex.” But I think useful connotations are implied by using the adjective “pre-marital”. **Dang** is correct in her supposition - we attended UU churches. My wife and I are both atheist (well, non-theistic rational Humanist might be a more accurate term), and our 3 kids have adopted similar philosophies. One of the main reasons we attended UU church was for our kids to attend the RE classes. And when the kids are of a certain age, UU offers a sex ed curriculum. I believe the acronym is OWL; it used to be something different. My personal opinion is that it provided more benefit than harm. I remember when the kid in question was in the class, she was a little bothered because her personal morality was at the conservative end of the spectrum of her OWL class members. That is something I often experienced in UU functions. In my life outside UU I am almost always to the far left of most people I encounter. It takes some getting used to to be in an environment where so many folk are so often to the left of me. I remember my kid related a situation where they were discussing the potential dangers of (I believe the term they used was) premarital sex. Basically discussing the value of safe sex. My kid said one reason to use protection was to avoid pregnancy. She wasn’t implying that only married folk should have kids, just that as a general matter having kids should be a desired rather than accidental result. Several of her classmates criticized her for what they interpreted as disapproval of “unconventional” relationships. Which was so far off the mark for this kid. You’ll go a long way before you find anyone more supportive of each person’s right to make whatever personal lifestyle choices they want. But all of my kids have been - uh - considerably more conservative than either of their parents in terms of sex, alcohol and drug use, and smoking. I’m not at all sure how that happened. Because we’ve always stressed the primacy of taking appropriate precautions and doing things in moderation. But that is another thing that makes me happy as a parent is to see my kids making their own decisions, even if they decide and act differently than I would have. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/45 "2009-09-18T02:51:00Z")
I think at 21 she is already a full-grown adult and it’s a bit late for these discussions. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/46 "2009-09-18T03:16:52Z")
If it was my hypothetical daughter, she’d have been in trouble. She’d know she was not allowed to date prior to age 35, and then she’d need a chaperon. She’d also know I’m likely to kill any young buck that comes sniffing around her, so she wouldn’t tell me anything like that. Well, ok, maybe not that exactly. But she might believe I’d show up on campus looking for the dude. Or that I’d sew her knees together. At the very least, she’d understand that her old man has a bad heart and she shouldn’t oughta say stuff like that while he’s driving…I hope.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/47 "2009-09-18T13:42:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I think at 21 she is already a full-grown adult and it’s a bit late for these discussions. Trying to figure out exactly where you are coming from here. I’d hope that my kids and I are able to discuss any range of topics as long as we both live. On some topics I will have more knowledge and experience, on others my kids will, or we will be positioned similarly. But I hope we can talk about whatever is important to us at our stage of life, instead of simply exchanging banalities about the weather. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/48 "2009-09-18T13:58:11Z")
As the father of sons, I always drilled them to be a PRIC. That is “Personal responsibility, informed consent”. The first addressed the safe sex stuff, the second the social implications. Okay, I had it the other way around an my youngest immediately realized that order was much better than ICPR. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593/49 "2009-09-18T19:01:30Z")
> [@Eureka](#): > > From a different point on the parenting spectrum: > > I’ve been substituting as a teacher in a Mom’s Day Out program. So children ranging from fifteen months to four years are dropped off each day. > > Said one mother to her child “Don’t forget to chew with your mouth closed” > > Needless to say, that’s the least of his problems–it’s not that he’s a bad kid, but like most 2-3 year old boys, he’s prone to stealing toys, whining, pushing, etc. And he’s bitten someone or tried to more than once (this is NOT common in the program). Well, there’s his Mom’s admonition being put to good use. Chewing with his mouth closed _would_ tend to minimize blood spatter, I’d imagine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/besides-the-pre-marital-sex/509593.md?page=2)