# Best actual jokes told in movies. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 5, 2007, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585 "2007-07-05T12:50:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/21 "2007-07-05T17:27:24Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] The joke Minnie Driver tells in the bar in _Good Will Hunting_ is funny, if a bit gross. Rather than retell the whole thing here, I’ll just refresh memories with the punch line: Give us a kiss! [/QUOTE] Can you refresh my memory a bit more? I totally forgot it. The Breakfast Club has an unfinished joke, when Bender is crawling on the ceiling tiles. Something like “A naked lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a sausage under the other.” ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/22 "2007-07-05T17:28:48Z")
[QUOTE=IvoryTowerDenizen] The rabbit has “no problems” with it- in other words, the rabbit doesn’t mind having shit all over his fur. Or another- shit doesn’t stick to his fur, so why not use him as TP. [/QUOTE] Exactly, the joke centres on the double meaning of “Do you have a problem with…?” The rabbit means he does not suffer from the problem, the bear is asking it as a loaded question meaning “Do you mind…?” Its funnier the less you think about it. 😉 P.S: Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/23 "2007-07-05T17:33:51Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Can you refresh my memory a bit more? I totally forgot it. [/QUOTE] The joke starts with an old Irish couple, and ends with Minnie saying the above-spoilered punchline with a mouthful of beer running down her chin. Does that help? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/24 "2007-07-05T17:37:23Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Does that help? [/QUOTE] I can picture that now – in the bar with Will and the Afflecks. But I still don’t remember the joke. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/25 "2007-07-05T17:43:05Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I can picture that now – in the bar with Will and the Afflecks. But I still don’t remember the joke. [/QUOTE] Old Irish couple. It’s either their 50th anniversary, or his 75th birthday or something - I can’t remember. She says he can have whatever he wants for the occasion. He says he’d like oral sex, since he’s never had it in all their years together. She takes out her dentures and obliges. Afterwards, he says how amazing that was, and how wonderful, and asks if there’s anything HE can do for HER. At that point Driver takes a swig of beer, and with it dribbling all down her face, goes, “Give us a kiss.” The humor is in how gross she looks when she says it. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/26 "2007-07-05T17:43:39Z")
[QUOTE=T\_SQUARE] That’s what I came in to say. The way Tarantino overtells the joke is great. [/QUOTE] Speaking of Tarentino(ish) and actual jokes, I was debating including the “Genie-rubbing” joke Funnyman tells in _Boondock Saints_. I won’t because it’s offensive, but the tension and awkwardness in that scene is worthy of a Coen brothers movie. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/27 "2007-07-05T17:45:21Z")
Got it. Thanks, **OneCentStamp**. I guess it’s been a really long time since I’ve seen that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/28 "2007-07-05T18:06:14Z")
[QUOTE=Colophon] P.S: Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! 😛 [/QUOTE] That joke absolutely slays 'em in Berlin, I tells ya! ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/29 "2007-07-05T18:08:36Z")
This one isn’t from a movie, but from a comic book. It doesn’t sound great in description, but visually, it’s hilarious: A man rings the doorbell of a house in the country. When the lady of the house comes to the door, he tells her, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just hit a cat with my car, and I’d like to know if it was yours.” “I’m not sure,” she says, “what did it look like?” (Man positions his hands and sticks out his tongue in the manner of a cat that had just been struck and killed by a car.) “No, no,” says the woman, “I mean what did it look like _before_ you hit it?” (Man bugs out his eyes, opens his mouth agape, and puts his hands out in front of him, in the manner of a creature surprised that a car is about to hit it.) ---
**Author:** ![MrSquishy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9e5f3/32.png) [@MrSquishy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrSquishy)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/30 "2007-07-05T18:37:28Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] The Breakfast Club has an unfinished joke, when Bender is crawling on the ceiling tiles. Something like “A naked lady walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a sausage under the other.” [/QUOTE] A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: “I suppose you won’t be needing a drink.” The naked lady says… From [here](http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Breakfast-Club,-The.html) I always wanted to know how that joke ends. Is it a real one, or just made up for the movie? ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/31 "2007-07-05T19:00:42Z")
From 28 Days Later. I guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and proceed to get pissed (that’s what they call gettting drunk in England from what I gather). The giraffe passes out on the bar floor. The guy gets up to leave and the bartender says, " OY! You can’t leave that lying here!". The guys says, " That’s no lion, it’s a giraffe!" The one from Slingblade was more like. Two fellers were on a bridge. One said the water’s cold. One feller said the water’s deep. I think one of them fellers was from Arkansas. emmm huh ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/32 "2007-07-05T19:45:36Z")
I can’t remember anything but the punch line, but there was the joke in **Alice Doesn’t Live Here Any More** where the final line was “Shoot the dog!” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/33 "2007-07-05T19:49:41Z")
[QUOTE=MrSquishy] I always wanted to know how that joke ends. Is it a real one, or just made up for the movie? [/QUOTE] It was just made up for the movie. There’s no punchline. I suppose we could put our heads together and come up with one… ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/34 "2007-07-05T19:51:55Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] It was just made up for the movie. There’s no punchline. I suppose we could put our heads together and come up with one… [/QUOTE] A couple of buddies and I did just that. The punchline was hilarious. Sadly, we may or may not have been under some type of mind altering substance. So, the rest of the joke was forgotten. It may not have been that funny to anyone with a clear head anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Hildo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@Johnny\_Hildo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Hildo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/35 "2007-07-05T20:35:15Z")
The classic [Microwave Massacre](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085937/) is a horror/comedy about a man who kills prostitutes and eats them. At some point during the movie, psycho says, “I’m so hungry I could eat a whore!” ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/36 "2007-07-05T20:48:49Z")
[QUOTE=IvoryTowerDenizen] (Maybe you could explain to me the OP’s joke- I’m missing somethong here.) [/QUOTE] Pat’s sister was the woman who coupled with the customers who each paid half a buck to (along with consuming the beer and meal) get laid. Thus, she’s a cheap whore. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/37 "2007-07-05T20:56:15Z")
[QUOTE=IvoryTowerDenizen] . . . . (Maybe you could explain to me the OP’s joke- I’m missing **somethong** \* here.) . . . . [/QUOTE] I haven’t seen the movie but the way I took it was, it’s a joke because he’s extolling the cheapness and good things to be had at the bar, without pointing out the obviousness that his sister, _A Female_, is gonna get what she wants in a bar, including getting laid in the back. (Or it could be what Sternvogel said since I didn’t see the movie and don’t know the context of Galvin’s telling this joke.) \*Was this freudian? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/38 "2007-07-05T21:01:10Z")
How about the one from **Predator**? “A woman goes to the gynecologist and while she’s in the stirrups the Doctor says 'Jesus you’ve got a big pussy! ‘Jesus you’ve got a big pussy!’ The woman says ‘Doc - you didn’t have to say that twice!’ and the Doctor says ‘I didn’t.’” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/39 "2007-07-05T21:04:56Z")
This one’s from _Hollow Man_. So Superman is out flying around one day, horny as hell, and he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself naked on top of the Justice League. She’s laying out there all naked and spread eagle, and Superman says, “I have GOT to get me some of that Wonder Pussy.” Then it occurs to him, he can just fly down, get in a few quick pumps, and be gone before anyone notices anything because he’s Superman, right? She he flies down real quick, does his thing, and is gone in a flash. Wonder Woman sits up real quick and says, “What the hell was that?” The Invisible Man replies, “I don’t know, but my asshole is killing me.” ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585/40 "2007-07-05T21:20:12Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Exactly, the joke centres on the double meaning of “Do you have a problem with…?” The rabbit means he does not suffer from the problem, the bear is asking it as a loaded question meaning “Do you mind…?” Its funnier the less you think about it. That’s not how I understood that joke… The bear starts the joke by complaining about his own appearance, and how hard it is to look good for the lady bears, especially on the his hind quarters, which he has a hard time reaching. So he asks the bunny “Does you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?” The rabbit, who is very prideful about his appearance, replies “Hmmp. I have no problems with _that_!” (As with a “_I_ know how to clean myself! You must be just a bumpkin bear!” type of tone.) So, the bear uses the rabbit as toilet paper, as apparently it’s something the rabbit knows how to handle. “Well then, if you don’t mind, you can help me out with this then! _Urrmmf._ There! Thanks heaps.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-actual-jokes-told-in-movies/410585.md?page=3)