# Best and/or least offensive methods of execution **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2015, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966 "2015-03-14T05:25:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/1 "2015-03-14T05:25:47Z")
This is a hypothetical based partly on recent events. Your government has decided to that from now on, all people convicted of first-degree and second-degree murder will be executed. You have been required to help select the method of execution. Your opinion of the death penalty is irrelevant–the circumstances are such that you must serve. Most people, regardless of their position on the death penalty, agree that quickness and relative painlessness are desirable qualities in an execution. It’s fairly common to choose the firing squad as the quickest. However, I tend to favor the guillotine. What form or method would you choose as best, based on your definition of “best”? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/2 "2015-03-14T05:30:14Z")
Anesthesia overdose and/or nitrogen asphyxiation. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/3 "2015-03-14T05:32:21Z")
However, I think there are some people who prefer firing squad not because of pain or speed, but because it’s considered by some to be an “honorable” and manly way to die (especially in a martial culture, no?) So there are cultural considerations at work as well as physiological considerations. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/4 "2015-03-14T05:34:14Z")
You don’t need a whole squad. One bullet, one gun. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/5 "2015-03-14T05:41:00Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Anesthesia overdose and/or nitrogen asphyxiation. Reading various “methods of suicide” web sites (no links provided, and I’m sure the mods would prefer it stay that way) helium asphyxiation also seems relatively benign. Haven’t there actually been examples of Nitrogen asphyx, and the victims were pretty much dead before they ever knew they were in trouble at all? One really fast method, which would never survive the “least offensive” criterion, is having the skull mashed flat by a pile-driver. So long as the speed of the crushing is faster than the speed of signal transmission by the neurons, the perp’s brain would be destroyed before he could possibly be aware of any pain at all. The same would apply to a firing squad that shot the guy in the head. (Although experts say that the shockwave from a heart-shot pretty much mashes the brain to oatmeal anyway, and there is little to no suffering.) For pure fun, I might enjoy being dropped out of an airplane at 30,000 feet, out over the ocean somewhere. A breezy last few minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/6 "2015-03-14T05:45:17Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > For pure fun, I might enjoy being dropped out of an airplane at 30,000 feet, out over the ocean somewhere. A breezy last few minutes… What if death isn’t instant on impact, though? Falling into choppy waves of water, I’d be concerned about a pulverized-but-not-immediately-dead body and organs that nonetheless feels pain for seconds or minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/7 "2015-03-14T06:08:29Z")
We’ve had a couple of discussions along this line recently. I am officially an advocate for N2 asphyxiation. There appears to be no downside. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/8 "2015-03-14T07:20:42Z")
I voted Other Death By Snu-Snu More seriously, public drawing-and-quartering, broadcast mandatory on all channels including cable and internet, cutting into whatever people are watching at the time and repeated during prime-time. Because if you’re going to force me to choose the method, I’m going to choose the method that doesn’t hide the fact that the DP is just about revenge and doesn’t tidy it away. In your hypothetical, these people are going to die anyway, may as well get some agitprop use out of their deaths. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/9 "2015-03-14T09:54:54Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Because if you’re going to force me to choose the method, I’m going to choose the method that doesn’t hide the fact that the DP is just about revenge and doesn’t tidy it away. Are you not forgetting about economy, expediency, eugenics, etc? (Yes, I know it’s currently expensive to execute someone but suppose that process were curtailed?) I think I’d go for the Chinese method - a bullet in the head - or beheading depending upon whether I wanted to keep the eyes for transplanting. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/10 "2015-03-14T12:45:35Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > More seriously, public drawing-and-quartering, broadcast mandatory on all channels including cable and internet, cutting into whatever people are watching at the time and repeated during prime-time. > > Because if you’re going to force me to choose the method, I’m going to choose the method that doesn’t hide the fact that the DP is just about revenge and doesn’t tidy it away. In your hypothetical, these people are going to die anyway, may as well get some agitprop use out of their deaths. So, then, if criminals are sentenced to life imprisonment, should we broadcast the inmates’ daily life, eating, sleeping, exercising, boredom, reading a book, etc. as a mandatory public broadcast? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/11 "2015-03-14T12:58:16Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > So, then, if criminals are sentenced to life imprisonment, should we broadcast the inmates’ daily life, eating, sleeping, exercising, boredom, reading a book, etc. as a mandatory public broadcast? Nope. Only executions. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/12 "2015-03-14T13:03:05Z")
The electric chair, when done correctly, is supposed to be instantaneous. But it isn’t always done correctly. A bullet to the head sounds fairly benign too. Rather, a better way to do it is to knock someone out with anesthetic and then either electrocute them or shoot them in the head. No pain from doing that. I don’t know why we don’t do that already (outside of lethal injection). Just knock someone out with drugs and then execute them. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/13 "2015-03-14T13:09:32Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Nope. Only executions. But life imprisonment involves suffering and is often about revenge, too. Oftentimes you hear people say things like _“I hope they rot in prison for the rest of their life.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/14 "2015-03-14T13:13:27Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Just knock someone out with drugs and then execute them. If “just knocking someone out with drugs” was so easy, lethal injection wouldn’t be in the news so much. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/15 "2015-03-14T14:08:50Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Reading various “methods of suicide” web sites (no links provided, and I’m sure the mods would prefer it stay that way) helium asphyxiation also seems relatively benign… We need the helium for other things; Nitrogen will do almost exactly the same job (I say almost’ because Helium would allow the prisoner to speak his/her last words in an absurdly squeaky voice). But if we absolutely must execute people (per the hypothetical), I do not believe there is any sane justification for spectacular and elaborate methods such as the electric chair. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/16 "2015-03-14T14:14:08Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > But life imprisonment involves suffering and is often about revenge, too. Oftentimes you hear people say things like _“I hope they rot in prison for the rest of their life.”_ Soi? My support for public executions is not predicated on the suffering of capital punishment. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/17 "2015-03-14T14:36:17Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > If “just knocking someone out with drugs” was so easy, lethal injection wouldn’t be in the news so much. Anesthesia is a piece of cake. Addicts who die of overdoses behind dumpsters or in crack houses don’t need Rube Goldburg lethal-injection contraptions and state-murder morons who can’t find a vein, or their asses, with both hands. Or politicians making the streets safe for children — their voters. It’s in the news so much because it’s free publicity for the state mob fooling everybody all the time. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/18 "2015-03-14T14:49:42Z")
I’d be generous and let the convict choose from among a few options. Morphine overdose is a simple painless way to kill. I forget the reason against it… > [@Mangetout](#): > > We need the helium for other things … I _am_ aware of helium’s scarcity, but that shouldn’t be a real issue here unless a _very_ large number of executions are planned… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/19 "2015-03-14T16:01:39Z")
I think lethal injection is the best execution method from the posted list. But, if I could design my own method of execution, and we could get an anesthesiologist to ignore his Hippocratic Oath, here is the protocol I want for my death: [ol] [li]I’d be escorted into a dimly lit room, filled with the scent of freshly cut flowers and helped to lie down on a cushiony massage table. Chopin nocturnes would be playing softly through the speakers. [/li][li]The anesthesiologist would introduce himself, offer me a jigger of Glen Livet 21, tell me a joke, mask me and crank on a canister of nitrous oxide, slowly increasing the concentration until I say, “that’s the spot, pal, keep it right there.”[/li][li]A beautiful masseuse would then enter seductively, disrobe me, then herself and slather both of us with vanilla scented massage oil. She would then proceed to give me a full body massage, using her whole body. She would regularly lift up my mask and offer me demi-spoonfuls of Beluga caviar, followed by sips of a fine Merlot. [/li][li]At the 90 minute mark, the anesthesiologist would switch the soundtrack to Chopin’s piano sonata No. 2 in B♭ minor, Op. 35, 3rd movement, and start induction of general anesthesia. As I drift off, the masseuse will conclude with a happy ending.[/li][li]When I am fully under, the anesthesiologist would place a cattle bolt pistol against my skull and pull the trigger, making sure my EEG is flatlined before turning off the gas.[/li][/ol] One can only hope! ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966/20 "2015-03-14T16:17:57Z")
Guillotine. And I’m not kidding. If we’re going to kill people, let’s be honest about it - no doctors in white coats with sterile needles making everyone feel like what they’re watching is civilized. As long as you keep the blade sharp, the guillotine is one of the fastest, most painless ways to die - there’s no chance of malfunction like with injections, the chair, or even a firing squad. It’s also quite cost efficient. If it makes you uncomfortable, well, maybe you shouldn’t support capital punishment. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-or-least-offensive-methods-of-execution/714966.md?page=2)