# Best and worse novelty song **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 9, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663 "2000-02-09T19:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/41 "2000-02-10T07:49:00Z")
**BAD** _Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb_ (Edd Byrnes and Connie Stevens), _I Love_ (Tom T. Hall), _Transfusion_ (Nervous Norvus a.k.a. Jimmy Drake) **GOOD** _Please, Mr. Custer_ (Larry Verne), _Monster Mash_ (Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers) * * * I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it. ---
**Author:** ![bunnymom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c4cdca/32.png) [@bunnymom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bunnymom)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/42 "2000-02-10T09:06:00Z")
[ul]First and foremost would have to be Alice’s Restaraunt [li]Dakota the Dancing Bear-A David Alan Coe song about a bear on lsd and his career moves[/li][li]Werewolves of London[/li][_]sitting patiently on the Group W bench_[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/43 "2000-02-10T10:06:00Z")
I cant believe nobody mentioned it yet!!! Monty Python’s “Philosophers Drinking Song”, Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Froederich Hegel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel There’s nothing Nieizsche couldn’t teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed John Stewart Mill, of his own free will on half a pint of shanty was particularly ill Plato, they say, could stick it away 'alf a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: “I drink, therefore I am.” Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed great song. the worst was that Chicken song… see Labradorians post. * * * J “We should have as high a regard for the church so as to keep it out of as many things as possible” Fluther Good -the Shadow of a Gunman. Sean O’Casey ---
**Author:** ![rackensack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@rackensack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rackensack)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/44 "2000-02-10T15:39:00Z")
**Bonus round:** There’s a connection between my handle and a novelty song that was a hit in the 1950s. Anyone care to take a stab at it? ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/45 "2000-02-10T15:52:00Z")
My favorite novelty song of all time is “Comin’ After Jinny” by Tex Ritter, written by none other than Shel Silverstein. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/46 "2000-02-10T16:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by rackensack: > [[li]The entire _Snuff Rock_ EP, credited to “Alberto y los Trios Paranoias” (working from memory, people, so if I muffed the “Paranoias” bit don’t flame me – it’s been 20 years, after all), released on Stiff Records in the late ‘70s as a sort of punk parody (though one of the four tracks, "Snuffin’ in a Babylon" was in fact reggae), featuring the talents of Nick Lowe, among others. “Kill”, the track I remember best, began: “I don’t give a damn I don’t fucking care, I wanna kill me mum and dad and pull out me hair, I’m fed up with the dole and the human race, Wanna cut me liver out and pin it on me” followed by a word I never did succeed in deciphering.[/li] Don’t forget their version of “Anarchy in the UK” done as a (I guess) Doo Wop waltz. One of my fondest memories is the time 10 years ago when I got it played at a dance, and I had a lot of 40-50 year olds complementing me on bringing such a nice tune. You could tell that they were only listening to the groove and not the words. The worst novelty song “Barbie World” by Aqua. Keith * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/47 "2000-02-10T20:07:00Z")
Aha, the reason “Hello Muddah” is so catchy is that the tune is from Ponchielli’s _Dance of the Hours_, also immortalized in _Fantasia_ (dancing hippos). ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/48 "2000-02-10T20:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Myron Van Horowitzski: > **Aha, the reason “Hello Muddah” is so catchy is that the tune is from Ponchielli’s _Dance of the Hours_, also immortalized in _Fantasia_ (dancing hippos).** Wow thanks Myron I didn’t know that! * * * “I think it speaks to the duality of man sir.” (private Joker in Full Metal Jacket) ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/49 "2000-02-10T20:36:00Z")
My favorite Allan Sherman song is the one about Louis XVI: “You came the wrong way old King Louie You disappointed all of France. But then what else could we expect From a king in silk stockings And pink satin pants.” * * * Elmer J. Fudd, Millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/50 "2000-02-10T21:48:00Z")
Cute Li’l Goodies: • Ray Stevens’ “Gitarzan!” • Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show: “Cover of the Rolling Stone” • Meat Loaf: “On a Hot Summer’s Night” dialog (“I bet you say that to all the boys”) • “Suicide is Painful” (M_A_S\*H movie theme) • “The Rabbit of Seville” (Looney Tunes – “What would you want with a waa-bit?”) • Guttermouth, “Asshole” A Handful of Evil Novelty Tunes: • “Disco Duck” • Bo Donaldson, “Billy Don’t be a Hero” • “Basketball Jones” • Ringo Starr, “No No Song” • The Knack, “My Sharona” * * * Designated Optional Signature at Bottom of Post ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/51 "2000-02-10T21:52:00Z")
uh, that shoulda been “Suicide is Painless”, not “Suicide is Painful”. :o * * * Designated Optional Signature at Bottom of Post ---
**Author:** ![SINsApple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SINsApple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SINsApple)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/52 "2000-02-10T22:20:00Z")
Don’t tell me that none of you have heard Cows with Guns!!! Funniest song I have ever heard; it is about a bovine revolt involving weaponry and chickens in helicopters. . . I laugh just thinking about it. It is by D. Lyons, I suggest finding it on [scour.net](http://scour.net) or lycos in mp3 format. You will love it. “a revolutionary veal. . .Cow tse dung” * * * “I celebrate myself, and sing myself, and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.” --Whitman ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/53 "2000-02-10T22:24:00Z")
AHunter2 mentioned: “Meat Loaf: “On a Hot Summer’s Night” dialog” In which case, I have to say that Meat Loaf’s intro to “Wasted Youth” was even better. I remember everything! I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. I was just sixteen and I had once killed a boy with a Fender guitar. I don’t remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster But I do remember that it had a heart of chrome and a voice like a horny angel. I don’t remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster But I do remember that it wasn’t at all easy It required the perfect combination of the correct power chords And the precise angle from which to strike The guitar bled for a week afterward and the blood Was dark and rich like wild berries The blood of the guitar was Chuck Berry red The guitar bled for about a week afterward but it rung out beautifully And I was able to play notes that I had never even heard before So, I took my guitar and I smashed it against the wall I smashed it against the floor I smashed it against the body of a varsity cheerleader I smashed it against the hood of a car I smashed it against a 1981 Harley Davidson The Harley howled in pain, the guitar howled in heat And I ran up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom Mommy and Daddy were sleeping in the moonlight Slowly I opened the door, creeping in the shadows Right up to the foot of their bed I raised the guitar high above my head And just as I was about to bring the guitar crashing down upon the centre of the bed My father woke up screaming “Stop! Wait a minute! Stop it boy! What do you think you’re doing? That’s no way to treat an expensive musical instrument!” And I said “God dammit Daddy! You know I love you but you’ve got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll!” * * * JMCJ This is not a sig. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/54 "2000-02-10T22:57:00Z")
sticking to pure novelty songs . . . Best : “Green Haze” (think Hendrix singing the theme to “Green Acres” over the music of “Purple Haze” . . . it fits perfectly and its damned funny) Worst : “SuperBowl Shuffle” done by the 1985 Chicago Bears (Will “the Fridge” Perry trying to sing ? Oh the horror, the horror) 😃 * * * “A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject.” - Seneca ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/55 "2000-02-10T23:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Gabriel: > \*\* > Worst : “SuperBowl Shuffle” done by the 1985 Chicago Bears (Will “the Fridge” Perry trying to sing ? Oh the horror, the horror) > > \*\* The SaturdayNIghtLive spoof of this was hilarious…burly dolts stumbling around drunkenly (as opposed to dancing) with lyrics such as: “We are players, we play ball. We throw the ball we kick the ball.” LOL I second the worsts of “My Ding-a-ling” and “Monster Mash.” Bests? To many to remember, most of whatever everyone said already, plus a couple from Dr. D I haven’t heard in ages: “Making Love in a Subaru” by a band I think was called Damascus? And a song called “Leprosy” to the tune of the Beatles “Yesterday.” So grossly hilarious! “There are pieces falling off of me, I’m not half the man I used to be…” And does anyone remember “Spliceway to Heaven?” It was LZ’s “Stairway to Heaven” but made up of spliced together words from other songs. It was such a hoot trying to identify all the songs used. * * * _One week only! Special Valentine’s Candy Heart Sig Line!_ **"OU KID"** ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/56 "2000-02-11T02:31:00Z")
## Mr. Corrado, I salute you. I always loved that piece of monologue myself! **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/57 "2000-02-11T02:57:00Z")
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned They Might be Giants (Particle Man; Istanbul) and DaVinci’s Notebook (Secret Asian Man). * * * “Age is mind over matter; if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” -Leroy “Satchel” Paige ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2000, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/58 "2000-02-11T03:27:00Z")
Actually, a lot of what we’re mentioning doesn’t fall under the category of “novelty” songs, that’s why we aren’t bringing up that sort of thing. When I hear “novelty song” I think of a single put out by a one-hit wonder or big star using a fake name, or something holiday themed. I mean, that hilarious piano bit tucked at the end of “The Eagles Greatest Hits” is a knee-slapper, but I wouldn’t call it a novelty song. * * * _One week only! Special Valentine’s Candy Heart Sig Line!_ **"OU KID"** ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2000, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/59 "2000-02-11T04:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Anybody ever heard “Stairway to Gilligan’s Island” (“Gilligan’s Island theme” to the tune of “Stairway to Heaven”)? It’s got to be my all-time favorite novelty song, and I only heard it once, over 20 years ago: the DC deejay Cerphe did a show of novelty songs, ca. 1979. This was one of them. This is truly hilarious. My dad has it on tape somewhere, but he seems to have lost it and blames it on me. (Of course.) I second The Hanukkah Song, btw. (“OJ Simpson - not a Jew.”) * * * ~Harborina “This is my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end. That’s where I saw the leprechauns.” ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2000, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663/60 "2000-02-11T08:24:00Z")
Does Filk count? If so, then there are a number of songs that I’d nominate. Tom Smith: **307 Ale** _What do you get when you use a cyclotron as a still?_ **A Boy and his Frog** _A tribute to Jim Henson, extremly poignant._ **When I grow up I want to be Peter Lorre** _What can I say, Peter Lorre is one of the great unsung masters._🙂 Moonwolf: **No you can’t swing a broadsword in a forest** _A little tale about a SCA battle in the woods…title says it all, really._ And I also agree Tom Lehrer is one of the greats. * * * \>\>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.\<\< —The dragon observes [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worse-novelty-song/13663.md?page=4)